How do I get my fiance out of the garage?

Question

My fiance and I have been together for four months. He is proof to me that when you meet "the one", you just know it's for real. In the very beginning stages of our relationship we spent a great deal of time together. When he wasn't working, he spent the majority of his time fixing cars in his best friends garage (his best friend is a mechanic.) I pretended to be interested in cars for the sake of impressing my fiance. Little did I know I would become bored of spending so much time in the garage and secretly wish for more alone time with him. The only thing we did that I actually enjoyed was off-roading in his 4x4 Blazer. After a month of spending everyday together in the garage, I asked him to take me out. After all, I had supported his hoobies, despite the fact they weren't or personal interest to me; so the least he could do was return the favor by doing something I'd like to do.

My fiance is more of an introvert, he only enjoys the things he wants to do, whereas I am outgoing and can find satisfaction in many different activities. Instead of experiencing new things, my fiance tends to continue doing what he enjoys. Lately I haven’t spent much time in the garage with him because I almost resent the fact that he won’t take me out and do anything with me. I feel like he spends too much time with the friends, whereas he feels we spent too much time together in the beginning. We did spend quite a bit of time together in the beginning but we didn’t do anything I enjoyed. Is anyone else in this particular situation? Nagging isn’t a successful approach, as he becomes offended when I make the accusation that he spends too much time with his buddies. Is there a way I could somehow back off and make him realize he needs to spend more time with me? We live together, so I can’t just not call him for a few days and hope he comes around. Thanks.

He's a very good fiance in all other aspects. When I was injured recently, he took off work, cooked my meals and even washed my hair for me because I couldn't do it myself. He's very loving and supportive all other times ... I would just like us to go out and do normal couple activities every once in a while.

Okay some of you are being very judgemental. Yes we had a fast engagement but we don't plan to marry for another 2-3 years.

Answer 1

You should talk to him about this -- especially about the fact that you are starting to feel resentful, because resentment is death to relationships -- and offer some sort of compromise. The compromise could be just one night a week, he stays home and hangs with you. Show him you're flexible and you don't want him to give up the things he enjoys or his friends, but also, if you're going to actually be married, it's important to continually invest TIME into maintaining the relationship. A flower without water soon dies, eh?

As an aside, my mom and step-father have been married for about 17 years now, and my step-dad is a garage junkie, too. Luckily, they are both the types of people who enjoy -- no, NEED, their own "alone time." But they also have a compromise, and that is that after dinner, my step-dad goes out to their garage and does his thing, and then at 9 p.m. he comes back inside so they can talk and watch TV and stuff. It works well for them and they seem very happy.

Answer 2

hold it...

let me get this straight...you have only known him 4 months, you are already living together & are engaged, the first half of your relationship (a whole whopping two months) you were completely dishonest with him about your interests (btw that doesn't count as supporting his hobby ), he doesn't listen to you, won't compromise, he is NOTHING LIKE YOU IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM...but you still think he is "the one"??????????????

Is the sex that great????

You make a comment "in the beginning stages of our relationship"...hun, you are STILL IN the "beginning stage"....you hardly know a thing about the guy, and what you are finding out you don't like...and you are expecting him to change to make you happy??? That isn't how it works.

A real loving committed long term relationship involves two people who #1 are HONEST with each other from the get go, have similar interests, can communicate and compromise and share a life together. All the two of you do is share a home & bed...nothing else.

If this is what you think your life is supposed to be like, you need to get some serious counseling...and your own apartment. don't even THINK about getting married to this guy until you have known him for AT LEAST a year...not sure what made you move so fast with him (again, is the sex THAT good???) but you are making a huge mistake you will regret the rest of your life.

You shouldn't be lying and pretending what interests you, he shoudl take interest in what you do...and NEITHER of you should have to change if it is a relationship that is long term.

Get out. NOW. Before you get anymore emotionally involved than you already are....get counseling to learn how to approach relationships as an adult...not like you did when you were in high school.

Answer 3

You are at the fiance stage and already you got a "spends too much time in the garage" issue? Maybe you should slow down and really decide if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Seriously, the garage thing will only get worse.

Answer 4

The best intention of playing interested has backfired--you see that--but it wasn't a big crime--so do not get upset. men are naturally interested in man things---women seem to be second class in this department. He is not ready obviously and a strong wake-up call is needed. it is not a crime to move out until he is ready to show you a bit more of a normal relationship. You seem to be more of a housekeeper than a fiance--sorry but that's the way it looks. Better you found out now. get going

Answer 5

You are correct nagging won't work. I would suggest that you try to calmly talk to him. An introvert needs to have things planned.
Read any of Robert Rohms Personality books. These will help you understand. This will really work great if both of you read the same book. I might also suggest "His Needs Her Needs".

Answer 6

well 4 months is a lil quick to be moving in with someone and calling them your fiance, you didnt get time to know EXACTLY what he was all about in 4 months..if he dosnt want to do what you want to and just do what he wants to do all the time, then in all honesty your going to be very lonely in your marriage if you marry him. my honest opinion is to go your seperate ways, dont waste you life on sitting in garage and doing nothing and pretending to please him.. NO man is ever worth it no matter how much you love him. and if he truly loves you, he will realize what he has lost, if he dosnt even notice that your gone, well then it wasnt ment to be, and everyone deserves happiness, go out and find yours!

Answer 7

well sorry to tell you but it sounds like you rushed into things... boys will be boys and you cant take away their toys... maybe you should try and have a sit down and let him know that you need more attention! sometimes being straight forward is the best way to get through to a guy!

Answer 8

He is to immature to be in a serious relationship. Tell him your needs and if isn't ready to participate, tell him you are sorry but you can't continue the relationship. Hope it all works out for you.

Answer 9

Tell him directly your thoughts,love is giving not receiving.Through your comments about this,i think you are willing to give and sacrifice for him,if he really loves you,he will spare some time to be with you if you tell him,ok?

Answer 10

well first off, good for getting out of garage, now go find u something else to do, hell come calling