If your brother did these 4 things to you alot, even though you are both adults... what gives?

Question

- not stopping when my or my kids say 'no, I am not having fun anymore' and he does't stop
- picking on me on a regular basis and making fun of me as a joke
- argues about my decisions and puts me in the position of defending myself and my decisions
- blaming the me for any personal conflicts between the two of us, often by calling me stubborn, senstive, etc.


What's up with this.. is this control? Bullying? What is your take on this?

He is not your usual mean person. He is together, sucessful, funny, handsome... I don't get it. When I stand up for myself he gets mad at me or thinks I am too sensitive.

Answer 1

He may be funny, successful and handsome; however, your brother is immature for an adult (anyone 18 and over) and does not seems to have any "bounderies" in his family relationships. Even my teens would not behave that way and would stop immediately when told not to invade someones private space!

My take on his behavior is this--his lack of respect of bounderies or where people "draw the line" is alarming and risky for your children. Children that repeatedly are not listened to or ignored when they tell another and ESPECIALLY (not shouting just emphasizing) an adult to stop something, eventually can learn that they are NOT in control of their own body and that despite their efforts, it is no use in trying to stop an invader. This is especially true when it happens with a family member since family of all people, should be the ones a child can trust in and count on the most!

Your brother's responses (getting angry or placing the blame back on you for supposed sensativity) are red herrings. These are tactics used by bullies to get the spotlight off of themselves. Moreover, these are also the tactics used by perpetrators.

I would pick a time without your kids being present, when you can visit with him and set some firm, measureable bounderies that you expect him to adhere to--no second chances. Decide ahead of time what the consequences will be if he breaks these and tell him what you are prepared to do. You MUST be firm and non-apologetic when meeting with him. Explain to him the impact on your kids and lack of respect for others that he is teaching to your family. Tell him that though you love him etc., you will not allow him to continue with this behavior. Explain to him that if it happens again--even just once--he will have violated this newly established boundery and that he will be asked to immediately leave and not be able to be around your children for a long time.

He is old enough to "get it" and past due for "growing up". Your allegiance to your children's mental health and learning by proper example is first and foremost as they say.

Also, please tell him that he no longer can put you down in front of others. If allowed to continue, he is teaching your family you can be discounted and de-valued. Allowing him to be disrespectful to you teaches your family that you think very little of yourself. Your kids will allow themselves to be put down by others as adults if you teach them that it is alright. Remember, you teach people how to treat you by what you allow or don't allow. You would never, I'm sure, let your neighbors into your house to act like this. Family is no different--in fact-- they should meet an even higher standard.

Be couragous and don't let him bully you anymore. I know you can be strong and a good example to your kids....so....Just do it!

Answer 2

Hi there...

My immediate reaction was both over-protective and then jealousy. Though I dont see how the prior gets into the picture *shrug. My step-brother is similar in some aspects and many people say he is over-protective *shake-of-head.
Yes, he may be all those good things, no-one is totally bad through and through but he should also respect you!!!
Point 1: There is no excuse if you/your kids say 'No' and he doesn't stop!
Point 2: Could be his idea of fun and might not think you take it seriously. Speak to him about it and try to laugh with him, even tease him back, make light remarks... give him a 'come back' that would take him aback.
Point 3: Could be jealousy - your decisions in life may have been better than his decisions in some aspects???! Or may be his idea of testing your strength.
Point 4: Yet again... control, not wanting to admit that he is in the wrong, trying to defend himself.

Any events/experiences from his past that could be the affecting him, for him to be acting this way? Was he bullied in school?
Could you have made past mistakes, that now he deems you 'unfit' to make decisions?
How did his/your father figure treat him/you?
Is there any chance he 'looks down' on females?
If you find anything, then just mention it one day in a calm way, ask him about it.

Grab some confidence and show him that you can stand your ground!!!
Hope this will help you.
Cheers

Answer 3

that's obvious to work out which you adore your brother and care approximately him very lots so don't experience undesirable or such as you would be able to desire to try this! Your mom is extremely incorrect to declare in any different case and what she reported approximately in basic terms having you to look after him is a shame! As undesirable because it may sound your brother isn't your duty, you have your guy or woman existence and a husband and step toddlers to prioritise so as much as you adore your brother you ought to not make the time for him that he desires and your mom has to appreciate that, he could be extra desirable in an ecosystem the place he could be attended to 24/7 like a team homestead, your mom probablly thinks if she places him in a house that she is failing him as a verify despite if it could be alot extra desirable for him interior the longrun, your mom has to think of approximately those issues and not anticipate you as her daughter to safeguard her son, it is not your duty in any respect. wish this helped x

Answer 4

Sounds to me like he's not a good listener. It's so easy to say that a person is "sensitive" instead of looking to yourself and thinking that they might actually be doing things that bother you. Tell him to back off and if he doesn't maybe you should. I think it's great that your brother is involved in your life. Too many families these days aren't close knit. However, if its hurting you and he won't give at all, it can't be healthy.

Answer 5

I agree. Sit down and talk it out. Keep in mind that he's been doing this same routine since childhood, so it will be a hard habit to break.

Don't take "no" or "you're being to sensitive (or stubborn)" for an answer. If you're assertive and focused, he should understand. If he doesn't, talk to his spouse, or someone he WILL listen to.

Answer 6

Its sounds like your bro is just goofing, he probably thinks hes helping you out by playing devil's advocate...and maybe like most younger type adult males hes just a little bit immature..holding on to some of his older and more familiar routines for comfort. things would probably go smooth if occasionally you switched roles with him, giving back his own medicine..

Answer 7

sounds like both..control and bullying.. i would sit down and have a long talk with him about the way he acts.. you sound like your close to your brother so mabe he will understand what your trying to tell him in a heart to heart talk.. dont be afraid to tell him exactly how you feel, he wont know this untill you tell him, dont be mean about it just let him know how all this makes you feel..
good luck!

Answer 8

He feels inferior to you and threatend by your success (especially if you have children and he doesn't). He still has some growing up to do. What to do? Everyone else will tell you that, all I can say is you know him best.

Answer 9

talk to him, other answers are excellent