Do you feel like you missed out by having a c-section?

Question

I hear all these stories about labor and what women went through and I think I missed out on something. I carried to 41 weeks and then had to be induced. I never went into labor, no real contractions, nothing, and after 2.5 days of induction and other things I had to have a c-section. I never got past 2.5-3cm!!! I missed out on all that, which maybe it is a good thing.

I feel like that part is...... just gone and I can't get it back. I can only have a different experience next time. I don't think I got the easy way out either, because of all that I did go through in order to get to the point where they did a c-section.

Anyone else feel this way?

Answer 1

yes, somewhat similar situation, and I feel the same. In fact, I was so depressed after my c-section... I felt as if I'm a failure as a woman, that I couldn't complete my mission... and all that. I'm still upset (4 months after) but am able to think reasonably. After all, the baby's health is the most important thing.

Answer 2

You certainly didn't take the easy way.
I know that when some hear that you had a C-section,that is assumed.
You chose it!.
Well,that was not the situation,was it?
It had to be that way!
So there is no reason for you to feel any guilt over the type of birth that was nessessary for your bubs safe arrival, and your welfare.
Because a lot do choose to give birth by c-section for personal,other than medical reasons.You are almost made to feel the need, to explain your situation.
Even though you know it was the only alternative.
That is normal.
I know a lot of women who are devastated,after they have spent so much time preparing for a natural birth. Only to have to agree to a medically assisted birth in the final few hours.
Your next birth may be totally different.
The important thing is that you had a safe birth.
It doesn't make you any more worthy to be a mother or prove you are a "Natural" mother because you went through pain and suffering to give birth!
You were awake in time to bond with your bub,in those first 24hrs that is what counts.
When all is said and done!
Most mum's really have no truely clear recall, of the actual moment of birth anyway!
Our brain is designed to deal with pain that way,it blurs the memory.
Even the time and effort leading up to the birth is only a hazy recollection of pain and endurance afterwards.
This is reality,and something you will realize after you have had a normal birth
Many feel the same as you,as I mentioned it is a normal reaction to an abnormal event.
Also a very different one than you had expected.
But an event that was nessessary,for both of you.
Having given birth naturally and by c-section,I know this from personal feelings I experienced afterwards.
It is ideal to be awake,even if only semi aware,when that moment of birth happens.
But I would never put that above the safe arrival of my baby.
I am sure that you feel this way to,that is one of the reasons you are experiencing these unessessary feelings and questioning yourself so much.

Answer 3

I had to have a c-section, also, and yes, I do feel like I sort of missed out on some things. I have twins, and they were perfectly healthy, but one was breach when I went to the hospital with contractions. My doctor said she felt better doing it that way. Which I know it was probably the best way, but I know what you mean completely! For many reasons:
1. There is a good chance that any other pregnancies I have will have to be c- section.
2. I have never regained anything close to what my stomach was pre-babies.(It's been 18 months!)
3. I have a huge scar.
4. No, cesarean does not require stitches in your vagina, but many more across your abdomen.
5. It takes much more time to fully recover from a cesarean than a vaginal birth.
6. Why is a man answering this question when he has never had to deal with this and has no idea what it is like?
7. YES, I LOVE MY CHILDREN VERY MUCH AND APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT THEY ARE HEALTHY AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN!!
8. I know that vaginal birth is not "fun" but I still feal like it is an experience and I missed out in a way, I know most people will not understand this.

Answer 4

What you're feeling is very, very common with un-planned c-sections like yours and mine.

I feel exactly the same way you do. My son hadn't dropped at all, but at the exam I was 90% effaced and I think 2 or 3 cm dialated. I had my membranes stipped twice, on my due date and a week later, but nothing ever came of it. I went to 41 weeks and we scheduled an induction for 4 days later.

The way my dr did it was you arrived at the hospital and checked in at night, around 7 or 8, and then around midnight they would begin the induction process with some gel thing applied to the cervix. But before they put that in, they did a last-minute ultrasound to check everything.

During the ultrasound, the nurse actually had to leave and go get a more qualified person to read the ultrasound, because she could find the spine and the heartbeat, but nothing else. No head, no arms, no legs. It was just a jumble of bones and a low amount of amniotic fluid.

I was terrified that somethign had gone horribly, horribly wrong. When the dr. came, he looked for about 10 minutes, and then explained that my son was lying in one of the most ackward positions he'd ever seen. He was face up and breech, with his arms and feet up above his head and his knees locked straight.

He said that was why the baby never dropped and why, even though I lost my plug, contractions never started because there was no pressure on the cervix. He said it just wasn't safe for either one of us to induce when he was like that, and I had two options: have a c-section or have them try to manually turn the baby around.

He said turning the baby would hurt, and had only a 50-50 chance of working, probably even lower than that in my case, since on top of how he was lying, we were running low on fluid because he'd gone overdue. And if the baby did turn, there was a chance he'd flip right back around anyway.

We scheduled a c-section for 11 the next morning, and my son was born at 11:31, bottom first. Apparently, he was determined that this would be the world's first view of him.

He's almost a year old now, and I still feel sad sometimes because his delivery didn't go at all as planned and that I never got to experience labor or actually delivering him.

I mean, okay, 20 hours of labor doesn't sound like a walk in the park, but if I could have, I would love to have delivered him vaginally. I wouldn't change my decision to have a cesarean, because that was the safest option for him, but that doesn't mean I don't wish it was different.

Answer 5

hi - I went through 48 hours of labor with my first and ended-up having an emergency c-section. I only ever dialated to 1cm.

With my second, after an entire pregnancy but no progress toward a natural delivery, I had a scheduled c-section.

I do not feel like I missed-out on anything. If anything, I feel grateful that the technology exists, otherwise I would have certainly been like one of the many women who died in childbirth back in the day.

Please remember that the important thing is that you have a beautiful, hopefully healthy, baby to love and cherish. I know many people who have been trying for years only to not become pregnant or to lose a baby even in the final few weeks of pregnancy.

Answer 6

I've had two c-sections, and while I know it's normal to feel that way, I never experienced it. Everyone's experience is different, and every parent will experience different things while raising their children, right from conception. It's not a matter of missing out on something, just on having a different experience, the one that was right for you. Some people never have morning sickness, some aren't able to breastfeed, some people can't see their child's first smile or hear their first words. You can't concentrate on what you may have 'missed out' on, instead focus on the wonderful blessings you've been given!

Answer 7

I feel somewhat the same as you. I had gone into labor with my first child, and after 3 days, she still wasn't coming. Finally my water broke and the hard contractions started. Horrible pain! Unfortunately the cord was wrapped around her neck and I wound up having a spinal and c-section. I feel I missed out on the first moments of life because I was still in surgery while others got to hold my baby. I got to see her, but not for as long as I would have liked. My next c-section I was put to sleep, I had trouble bonding with my daughter afterwards. It took a long time for me to get over not seeing her for the first 2 hours of her life. My 3rd was different, I knew what to expect and learned how to deal with it.

Answer 8

With my first I went through everything..... almost. I dialated to 9cm, felt the contractions, pressure, ect. Come to find out... my son was breech. Off to the O.R I went for a emergency c-section. He was also cutting off my blood supply.

with my daughter i had a routine c-section.

I'm preg now again and most likely will have another c-section.

I do feel kinda like I'm missing an experience that i wish i had to relate with other moms who have had a vaginal. However Id rather know my child is going to be delivered safely and healthy then try vaginal and risk his\her life and mine. Plus to tell u the truth, I'm kinda afraid of something that BIG coming out my u know what no matter what size LOL. My friend had a vaginal today actually....10 pounds! she was ripped from hoo hoo to poo poo and seemed in more pain afterward then i ever have been with a c-sec healing. I know what it feels like to move and feel like I'm being ripped apart in my stomach, but at least i could pee and had no pain. I'm more afraid of my hoo hoo hurting then my stomach. That's just me. She was is able to eat solids and with a c-sec u cant eat solids for a while, so I'm freaking for her when the time comes she has to have a BM. OUCH!!!!! C-SECTION for ME ANY DAY. LOL Her baby is beautiful bye the way.... Girl

Answer 9

I never wanted a c-section. The idea of someone cutting me open and being awake for it just seemed terrible. I was convinced it wasn't even a possibility as my family seems to be graced with typical pregnancy and deliveries. How naive!

After contractions, inducing, dilating, and even pushing I could not deliver (small pelvis). When they finally wheeled me into the O.R. I was more relieved than nervous. 25 hours after my water broke my son was born. The c-section wasn't as bad as I thought but still I questioned if I did everything I could do give birth vaginally. Was I pushing right? It's hard to tell with an epidural. Should I have gotten one? Is there any exercises I can do to expand my pelvis for next time?

I don't know about you, but my issue is with control. It is afterall, my body, so I feel that it somehow failed me, or that I somehow failed. According to my OB the reality is that I've got a 15% chance of giving birth naturally if I have a small (6lb) girl. I'm pregnant now and find myself grapling with the idea of finding out the sex just so I can see if a natural child birth is even a possibility. I shouldn't care as long as I have a healthy child, right? I try and keep that in mind!

Answer 10

I went through exactly what you went thru. 2.5 days of inducing and never got passed 2 cm!!!! Some people might try to put you down and make you feel like you missed out. Don't worry about them. You carried your child for 40 weeks wich is 10 months and that is just good enough....

Answer 11

i had a c-section and it didn't really bother me that much because it was for the safety of my baby which is most important but i was also induced and i reached 7cm without epidural and then i got to 9cm and he wasn't positioned correctly so i couldn't push him out it was kind of like a tease in a way because i went through a lot of pain and then i had to have a c-section after all that i had went through(and it was something else):) but it was for my baby's health....so don't feel bad about the situation just be grateful that your baby got to this crazy world safely, labor is a wonderful experience but so is all the times you will have with your baby