Should I have said something?

Question

The other day I saw a teenage boy about 14-15 yelling at his mother in the parking lot. He was calling her stupid and really talking down to her, well actually yelling down to her.
A few weeks before that I saw a man in the store yelling at a small girl, about 6yrs old. He wasnt getting on to her for doing anything wrong he was saying things like how dumb she was and even told her to "get her head out of her as*". Should I have made a stand. Should I have spoken up. Should I have told that boy to respect his mom? If you were witness to this, what would you do. Honestly. Not what would you want to do but what would you actually do? What should I have done?

My issue with the teen, even though the mother probably spoiled him rotten, is that he will grow up to abuse all women. If he does not respect his mom imagine what he would do to a girlfriend.

Answer 1

Wow.
Good question.
Both are clear cases of abuse.
Think most of us know what we would like to do: step up and say "Hey, kid, let's talk about respect here, huh?!" or to the dad yank him aside and say "Hey, dude, think about what you're doing!"

But you're never sure what the outcome would be in these days and ages.
I mean, you step in to add some verbal protection for the mom, and she might turn on you in defense of her poor babe.
Step up and protect the little girl and are you just making it worse for her once out of sight?

'Course if he has no problems verbally abusing her in public, how far does it go in the privacy of her own home?
How do you know when that kid's broken arm is a swing set accident, that woman's black eye an unfortunate walking into the door?
Or is something more menacing going on?
And if you're wrong, one way or the other, lives are destroyed!

I suppose all you can do is have the best of intentions, the purity of motive.

I've stepped up between a man shouting down his wife in the store parking lot. I've called the police on a teenage girl who struck her mother at the park.
But, when a toddler cussed me out (kept yelling "F**k you!") in the DollarTree check out line and all his mother would do was hand him another candy bar, leaping at every little yell and little balled up fist he swung at her, I had no idea what to do.
Except, of course, wonder what had happened to that woman that would make her cower to a toddler like that?
And what, in God's name, will that child grow up to be?

Wow.
Don't know if this is an answer or simply more questions.

The Chronicler

Answer 2

That is one very good question!!! If I put myself in your place and imagined what you must have felt as you witnessed these horrible events, here's probably what I would've done: With the little 6 yr old girl, I would've probably said something very complimentary to the little girl to make her feel that she is special. (in a way that is very kind, so as not to provoke the stupid, piece of crap father into verbally abusing her further once they leave.) Also, I would try to see what vehicle they leave in and discreetly get the license plate number. (I know this might sound bad, but heres why:) I would then go home and call someone at an elementary school, or child psychologist, or even CPS (child protective service) and explain what I witnessed and is there anything that can and should be done for this little girl and at very least, how can I better handle such a situation in the future if I ever see something like that again. As for the 14 year old teenager, I probably would not have said anything. In that situation, I believe that the mother obviously did not raise this kid to have any respect at all, so I don't feel sorry for her, she gets what she paid for there, even though a teenager of that age should be held responsible for his own actions. I would not feel that saying anything would be of any benefit to anyone, no matter what. In fact, it may just cause more of the same. Such a sad situation, though. I would go home and try not to puke.

Answer 3

Like you, in real life I would probably be so shocked that I wouldn't really have the presence of mind to do anything about it. But I don't think you should confront the parties involved. Perhaps if the situation is escalated enough you can call the police for abuse, disturbing the peace, etc. Especially where the older person is abusing the kid, DCFS should also get involved. Of course it's always possible that the teenager has some sort of psychological problem and does this all the time, but it would be rare.

I think it's great that you care about this. I wish there were more people like you in the world! Happiness!

Answer 4

The mom has more resouces than the 6 year old. The 14 y/o may have been just doing some rare acting out. I think mom was right if she didnt respond.
The 6 year old-that makes me feel bad. I might have looked for an opportunity to say a few nice things to the girl (toy aisle) "you look like a smart girl, what toy do you think I should get for__ as a birthday present.?"
(food aisle) "which do you like better__ or __, I cant decide what ___might like better. I bet you can tell me which tastes better"
Might have had a chance to strike up a conversation w the man, sliding some praise about the 6 year old, maybe he'd be receptive, or he might imply what ails him about her. If it appeared she was in physical, emotional or psychological danger, I'd have tried to see if the store would call social services, or I would have gotten the license plate of that man's car and asked police to make a well check on the girl.
More than one mom has had store video showing her abuse a child-and authorities called on her.
If you talked to the man about what you observed, likely he's a bully and would have backed down.
Dont be confrontational-you dont know what kook out there would do to you.
Dont feel guilty. We usually dont have a plan for these situations. You did your best.

Answer 5

This is a good question.

I would not confront the teenager yelling at his mother, as much as I would like to. She could have taken charge by getting in the car and driving off, leaving the little blighter swearing to himself. Of course, when he got home, there would be more hell to pay. The teen may have a chemical imbalance, maybe even mentally deranged and dangerous. You never know what the mother has had to put up with OR WHY SHE PUT UP WITH IT.

The man yelling at the little girl should have been told by the store's staff to knock it off. Again, the man could be deranged. But the yelling is child abuse. In some parts of the world, you could have discreetly followed them to their car, taken their license plate number and called the police to report what you saw and how concerned you were for the child. The police could get somebody from Children's Services to investigate. But do you want the angry man (could be the girl's father or not--we don't know--) to know your address? Unless you reported it anonymously from a public phone booth, the angry guy could find out who squealed on him.

These days it is not the wisest thing to rush in and try to stop what you see, only because:

1. You could be turned on and suffer serious damage.
2. No matter what you say, you will not stop the abuse.
3. The abusers in both accounts could turn their increased anger, after you butted- in, against the victims of their abuse.

Answer 6

I wouldn't say anything about the teenager. It's their business, they're both old enough to do without interferance. Besides it was one moment; you can't tell whether this is normal behaviour or an incidental thing, they may've just had a really bad day. With older people -teenagers & adults- I'd only interfere if it came to physical violence or if it were people I knew and this was their normal behavior. Then I'd still wait and talk to them at a different time when they were calm, for interfering in the middle of a fight usually just makes the fight bigger.

With the child I might've said something, for a 6-year old girl can't defend herself yet. Might have 'cause I'm female, only 5'2" and of slight build, it doesn't help the girl to see someone get beaten up in front of her :P I'd just have to judge the situation but I'd be much more likely to interfere than when all parties involved are a bit older.

Answer 7

In the case of the mother getting yelled at, no. It is her job to put a stop to it. With the child, maybe. Although, it may cause a huge argument, I don't think I could sit and watch a child being subjected to such a verbal beating. The fact that the man chose to do it in public makes him fair game for retaliation. The poor girl must have been humiliated and that only adds to the damage that he is doing to her. How sad!!

Answer 8

I had a similar experience in the supermarket today.A Dad and his 7-8 yr old son.
I heard the Dad before I saw them.Then I hovered a bit to see what would eventuate,it was pretty abusive.
As I turned my head, I caught the dad's eye,and gave him the coldest most judgemental stare.
I surprised myself.
But I was so mad,and wanted to stop him, as the poor kid was almost in tears.
(It was over, what brand of dog food was the right one!)
The Dad looked back at me and gave a sheepish laugh,then said "com'on kid" to the boy.
Then he turned and walked away.
I felt I had got the point home, and embaressed the hell out of him at the same time.
On the way to the car I saw them, and he turned his back when I walked past his car.
Made me have a bit of a laugh to myself.
Woman power!
You risk life and limb getting involved too much these days.But a look can be just as affective.
What was the worst he could do?
Yell at me "What are you looking at"?
I could handle that!

Answer 9

Not much you can do. For every one you see in front of you, there are thousands more. This woman has no control over a kid that will probably turn into a criminal and this poor little girl will grow up with no self esteem and probably look for love in young guys arms (what a major mistake that will be). this is rampant in the world. The best thing you and others like you can do is the opposite with your parents and children.

You will probably intervene, be told to mind your own business, and it will go on anyway.

Answer 10

I have, much to the horror of the people I was with, gone up to the person and asked if there was something I could help them with. It shocks the heck out of them and stops the behaviour. In the case of the child getting yelled by the dad, I would follow him and take down a plate number and report it. If he talks to her like that in a public environment, what does he do at home - her safety could be at risk. One time, the girl actually left her abusive boyfriend and hung out with us for the evening at the nightclub we were at (we found out after he had been abusive and she was glad someone intervened). It's not easy to intervene, but if you do it in a public environment, your safety should not be at risk. If it were your child or someone you love, wouldn't you want someone to help them?