Coming out.... Will it be worth it?

Question

I came from a predominantly Catholic country where homosexuality is being frowned upon. I have a humble family. My aged parents are still around (bless them). My siblings are all professionals, married and have family of their own, except me. I am trying very hard to act as a straight guy. Despite all these, I still manage to discreetly satisfy my sexual needs.

I am in the prime of my life and I still am confused. I wanted to simply let go of my real self, have a partner to share my life with but I am worried about what people might say about my family. Perhaps, I can take all the ridicule, but my heart goes with my family. I can't imagine how devastated they would be, more so embarrased, if my true personality will be known to everyone.

I envy those that have lived their true lives and were lucky of being accepted by friends and family.

Answer 1

OMG... you sound just like a guy i went to school with...
your story is ALMOST identical...

anyway my mate . Let's refer to him as Rasputin ( that way NOBODY should be able to say it's them) ... finally came out .. after nearly ten years AFTER we all left school ..

I had never seen him happier and THAT was all that any of his friends ever wanted for him.,.. to just accept who he was himself and be happy ....

Seek out the one family member who you feel you may be able to trust and talk to them .. get their support ..

if people REALLY cared about you THE PERSON and not YOU your sexuality .. THEY will JUST want you to be happy..

GOODLUCK,

Answer 2

I don't think that being catholic or from a certain country is the reason that you haven't come out, it could be that you are not really shure of yourself or simply because you are afraid of rejection. You said you have a humble family and I suppose they are as caring as you are. I don't think they will be devastated and if they do it won't last long. Do they pressure you to get married? if they don't maybe is because they already know or suspect.
Don't envy anybody. Be like those that live their true life accepted by friends and family. Just start accepting yourself.
Picture your life as you wanted it to be. And it will be

Answer 3

It is quite commendable that you put your family's welfare ahead of yours. However, you will never be able to give of yourself to the most of your ability if you are not true to yourself, first and foremost. You will always be withholding a part of you from them.

Your family knows you better than you know yourself. At the very least, they probably have long suspected the truth. If so, they're simply waiting for you to come out and confirm their suspicions.

No one can predict what'll happen if and when you do tell them the truth. One thing for sure, though: You will be free of that big burden and will be able to live the life you would like and not pretend otherwise. Remember, this is not your fault. It's what life has dealt you.

It seems your family loves you. They may not like their suspicions confirmed but they will eventually have to accept the truth. Trust them . . . at the very least, once they know the truth, you won't be bugged by questions such as, 'When are you going to get married?', 'Do you have a girl/boy friend yet?', etc.

Good luck!

PS: Try to confide on the sibling or parent you think will be the most receptive to your plight and then enlist this person's help when you have to tell the rest of the family. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

While I am not gay, I have known several gay friends. Most of them were fine people and ALL of them had your problem.

The ones who finally came out of the closet actually seemed the happiest. It takes guts. And there is the risk of family ridicule, etc. It helps if you live in a place that is more tolerant to gays. I live in Wyoming which is probably the most homophobic place in the U.S.

Just remember that only you can live your life...So live it the way YOU want to. You will be happier in the end in my opinion. It won't be easy. But it is a lot easier than in days past. Gays are much more accepted today than even only 10 years ago.

Also keep in mind that what you do in your private life is nobody's business except yours. These gay bashers have no business complaining, as someone else's private life affects them in no way. Live your life the way you find most fulfilling and nuts to anyone who disses that!

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with the world.

You are who you are, and the only reason you have felt you have to hide is because of other people's ignorance. I give you props for worrying about the effect on your family, though. I really do.

But you are a grown adult, and it's time to think about you now. I know how difficult it will be to tell your family. But, keep in mind that they love you. I am sure they don't want you to lead a phoney, empty, or lonely life.

And if it turns out that they WOULD prefer that, do you really care if they are embarrassed?

Answer 6

I am Catholic and have always thought if you are born gay God shouldn't (or other people) judge you for what you can't control. But I've been going to religious education classes recently and have heard about people being born with the tendency to be an alcoholic or a gambler or some other addictive personality. None of us tolerate drunk driving with just a chuckle and the thought, oh he was born to a drunk dad so we can't blame him for drunk driving. No. That guy has to learn to behave appropriately in society. That is my new thought on being gay. You might be born with this gay gene but it's not an acceptable lifestyle. However, if you find you are not going to live a heterosexual lifestyle you're living a lie by sneaking around behind your families back. Parents aren't as stupid as you think. Just tell them. At least if they hate you, they'll hate the real you and not who you are pretending to be.

Answer 7

You are who you are and nothing less. I'd say your family probably already has an idea about your sexuality. Even if they don't, it sounds as if you come from a very stable, loving family who'd be very receptive to your honesty. Don't worry about criticism. Even the most devout Catholics have a few skeletons in their closets. As for worrying about how much criticism your parents can take, seniors are very resilient. How do you think they made it this far in life?! Life is too short to hide who you are. Just be happy.

Answer 8

For your own peace of mind, I say come out. They're all adults. They can support you or blow you off, and there's nothing you can do to change their minds. They have to come around if they ever want to be part of your life. Tell them how hard this was for you, but that you deserve the happiness they have. Be true to yourself. You can't make other people happy until you're happy with yourself. You may be surprised that a few of your siblings may already have an idea your gay. Good luck.

Answer 9

I would guess that your family suspects. If not all then some. Go to the family member you trust and respect the most and discuss this with them. You should be able to be "you" and be accepted by your family and friends. You should be loved for who you are unconditionally and your sexual orientation should not change that. Granted, I live in the USA and only a few states and/or areas and generations still cannot accept the gay world but I am 62, a wife, mother and grandmother and would not love any of my family less if one of them came to me with their "secret". It should be in the open. I wish you well.

Answer 10

Even if it is a shock to begin with, I can't imagine any loving parent not supporting their child to live a happy and fulfilled life. I know, I, a christian loving mother of two, would be devastated if either of my children's lives were unhappy only to save my feelings.

Be honest with your family and share your fears with them. You might be surprised with the power of family love and commitment. I can't believe any loving family would prefer you to go on the way you are.

Don't forget to pray.

Answer 11

I know that it can be very hard and it might not go so well with your family and friends. But if they love you as they probably mostly likely do then you should tell them. Just dont tell them, " Hey guys guess what I'm gay and having sex." Try and take it easy on them like tell them that you have feelings towards this one guy or something like that. Just break it gently to them. Good Luck and tell me how everything works out.