should I call child protective services on my neighbor?

Question

The other day my neighbor was drinking and said she wished her children were dead !!!! I was totally shocked she has 2 small girls under the age of 6 and someone has already called them on her is this a form of abuse and should I call and tell them what she said ? I'm afraid she might hurt these children being a mother myself I could never say anything like that!

The other day my neighbor was drinking and said she wished her children were dead !!!! I was totally shocked she has 2 small girls under the age of 6 and someone has already called them on her is this a form of abuse and should I call and tell them what she said ? I'm afraid she might hurt these children being a mother myself I could never say anything like that!..........Just wanted to add she did not say this in front of the children just a small group of adults and mind you she is already in trouble with child protective services they visit her house daily and give her random drug test. I am not a nosy neighbor she was in my house when this was said and I didnt ask her how she felt about her children ...

No there is no Father for the children I have known her for a few months and her children are sweet as can be.

Answer 1

hmmm

firstly to those that told you to mind your own business .. How would you feel in this situation IF you COULD have done something but chose to MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS ... only to find out later that the woman drowned her kids in the bathtub ??

Sorry BUT we are talking LITTLE children who can not defend themselves and for the love of god These kids are the kind of kids that YOU do stick your nose out for ......

SURE maybe the woman was JUST venting But if for no other reason but my own peace of mind .. I would seek help .. IFyou[re worried about getting child services involved straight away .. call a local pastor or somebody else you can trust and talk to them...

Call protective services anonymously first if you must and explain the situation JUST as you have done for us .. and see what they say.

Maybe if you know your neighbour well you could talk to her .. ask her why she feels that way .. Is she just struggling with her own life .. does she need support and counselling...( instead of judging, which is not what you are doing ).. do you , would yu have time to occassionally take the kids off her for just even half an hour break ..

MIND YOU i am NOT trying to make these kids YOUR responsibility ... just adding other suggestions..


BUT above all else .. DON'T MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS , not in this case .. i don't think YOU could live with yourself if you did .. if something happened ..
OTHERS on this board MAY be able to switch off .. I know i couldn't. not IN this case.

Answer 2

All parents lose their temper at times and some even wish that they did not have children. This is usually not a serious thing. She was drunk, maybe it means nothing. You can not call PS just for her saying that unless you have other reasons to think that she might actually do something to the children. However, if she drinks a lot and is alcoholic she may be neglecting the children. That would be a reason to call them. PS would be more concerned about children under 6 than say age 10 and over. Their main concern is the safety of the children. Does the woman have a husband? If not are their different men coming into the house? I would be concerned about an alcoholic mother who was not watching her children, was not caring for them (are they feed and clean?) and not protecting them from any potential sexual abuse. What did the other person call PS about? It is important that you have just reason to call. Otherwise you will not be taken seriously and if you call another time when something is serious they may not believe you. So get more information and then decide. PS tries to keep families together and would get counseling for the family. But they only take on the most serious cases and those with young children.

Answer 3

This question is very heart breaking. That a Mother would say that about her children is bad enough, but to be drinking in front of them is also bad. How many people out there would give anything to have children, but can't. Yes , definitely call the child protective service and talk to someone about what you heard. At least you will have made an effort. If something were to happen to them and you had not called, you would feel guilty the rest of your life. Where is the father, or is he out of the picture?

Answer 4

What is your motive here? Are you genuinely concerned for the safety of these children? Or are you motivated by revenge and frustration? Calling CPS is extremely serious. They do an incredibly demanding job in very difficult circumstances. If you make a call to CPS, it will be investigated, a process which may take a very long time. If you're merely motivated by revenge, then it's not right to tie up those resources when there are many children who are actually in danger and genuinely need protection. While everyone loves to badmouth CPS when they get it wrong, there is this assumption that they have adequate funds and personnel because they have government backing. In reality, they don't. It's a low-paid profession with a high incidence of burnout. Where I live, there have been children who's files just get bounced from one desk to another for over 3 years, because there simply aren't enough people around to do the job. Be very sure that you're not contributing to the problem because you're frustrated with the inaction of the police.

Answer 5

I think a better first approach would be to talk to your neighbour, not about the incident per se, but about how she is feeling/ coping in life and in general.

You are a mother, so you must be able to understand the roller coaster of emotions that we all feel from time to time. I do not suggest that this warrants her (possible) abuse of alcohol and her alarming suggestions, but I know that it can be very easy to say things that one does not mean when under the influence of alcohol.

If you are worried about the situation I would suggest approaching the mother, ask her how she is coping with everything, and let her know (as tactfully as possible) that you are there to help her, not judge her. Stress that you are a mother and that you understand the constant demands that this places on her time, her energy, and even her individual sense of self. Maybe offer to look after the kids one day (if possible) while she goes out to see a movie with girlfriends, or gets her hair done, or even just goes out for a coffee on her own. It is often the smallest things that seem trivial to everyone else that really make the difference.

You say that CPS has been called on her before, why was this? Was any action taken? If no action was taken we can only hope that the situation was not really serious enough to warrant intervention. A further (unwarranted) call to CPS might only belittle her confidence further, adding to her feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, and thus further reducing her beliefs in her abilities as a mother. It then becomes a viscious cycle of doubt, perceived inadequacy, inappropraite compensatory methods, and unjustified reactions/assumptions.

Upon saying all of that, if you, as a concerned mother and neighbour (NOT a bored busybody), feel that she is putting her children in a position of risk and potential harm, then it certainly is better to be 'safe not sorry' and make the call. You could explain to them the delicacy of the situation and they might tread a little more carefully: not just bust the door in and run off with the kids. They might also be able to offer support in terms of counselling or financial services etc. etc.

We are all guilty of saying things that we do not mean. I would hate to think that every time I talked a little sharper to my kids than I would (ideally) like to my neighbours ran off the CPS.

But I do not wish death upon my children, no matter how tipsy I am...

Answer 6

If I were you, I would make sure and have a valid and strong proof before calling protective services. As you know this is a big deal especially if theres no conclusive evidence that abuse is going on constantly. You may ruin a family. the best thing to do is try to know your neighbor well and make sure you have communication with her and she might invite you in her house and in doing so you might be ablt to see and observe whats really going on and how she treats the kids. Make sure that she has the drinking problem and in so doing constantly verbally abuse the children. try to have a conversation with the children as well and observe their demeanor. However if this person is not friendly at all, just be sure to make observation from afar and use proper judgement in calling protective services. there are so many families broken by false reporting.

Answer 7

It's one of those your damned if you do,damned if you don't situations.I have a family member who lost their kids,the children were placed in foster care and were extremely neglected.They were not given baths,fed cereal and that's it,and were forced to be out side from sun up to sun down.The family member of mine didn't lose them due to neglect,they lost them b/c their electricity was shut off.But anyway,you have to think about what could happen to these children in other circumstances.If the mother is a bad person you are probably not the only one who notices,and someone else may wind up calling on her.I don't know what to tell you to do,b/c theres a potential down side either way!

Answer 8

Holy crap! No mother in their right mind would EVER say that. She needs help...her children need help. I would totally call. Put it this way, how would you feel if you dismissed it and you were wrong and she did do something? And how wrong can you be if this isn't the first time someone blew the whistle? Those little girls need someone responsible to look out for them -- if it can't be their mom, maybe it's you.

Answer 9

Yes!!! If she is drinking alto and because her kids are that young I don't think it would take much for her to make that wish of hers come true and just the thought that those kids wouldn't stand a chance with her strength if she were to get her hands on them like that and you never now when that day could come.

Answer 10

DEFINITELY REPORT HER! She is already under scruitiny and for who knows what else? You can only suspect, but there is usually more going on than what apprears out in the open.

She shouldn't be drinking when small children are or will be coming home anyway. She cannot be responsible acting when she is drunk. Please protect the children that she refuses to.