Why does it matter so much to some people???

Question

I don't understand why some people talk about single/young/unwed mothers like we are a diseased species of the world or something. We have feelings like the rest. We all went through the pain of labor and rejoiced when our little bundles arrived. We breathe the same air and do everything like married/older women who have children. I personally think this type of stereotyping is wrong. Why is it anyone else's business what other's do?? If it doesn't affect your life then it shouldn't matter, right?? You would think so. What will I not be accepted by society until I am married to the father of my child?? Personally I find this really insulting and I think this type of behavior is wrong and I sure hope that the people who do this don't teach their children to be as judgmental. For the ones who know you do this why don't you take a long look in the mirror and when you are flawless and haven't made a single mistake then you can judge until then get to know someone first.

I have had a few people actually approach me and say rude and insulting things to me. But I defended myself and stand behind what I believe in and how I am raising my child. I had someone tell me I had no business being a mother at my age. I am 21 it is not like I am 14 years old or something I am legally considered an adult and pay bills on my own and have my own place so why does it matter. Also what kills me is how some people on here are so negative towards single/young/unwed mothers. That is basically what I am talking about. I hate how people can be so mean for no reason and especially about something that is really none of their business.

OH no no no don't get me wrong I could seriously care less what others think of me because I know I am a great mom and that to me is all that matters. I mean I am getting married in September to the man of my dreams who is also my son's father. It just bothers me that some people just don't seem to have anything better to do than to pick apart or criticize other people like they have never made a mistake in their life. I speak my mind when someone has something smart to say and I stand my ground, if they like it or not. But why be so harsh to people does it make you feel better I just don't understand and I know I never will But i figured I would see where everyone else stood on this

Answer 1

I'm with you! I'm 21 and my son in almost a year old.

It's cool for guys to sleep around, and practically a status symbol if they have 2 or 3 kids running around that they don't take care of, but if a young girl is pregnant or had a little one, she's immediately treated like a leper.

But what really kills me is I get the same dirty looks and whispered comments at 21 that I did when I carried around that baby-think-it-over at 14 and people thought it was real. The little plastic baby doll had sensors in it that measured temperature, so we had to dress it and keep it in a blanket, just like a real baby, and people thought it was real. One lady told me congratulations! But most people just gave dirty looks and whispered just loud enough that I could hear the comments. At 14, it was really embarassing, and I was able to put those people in their place by pulling the blanket back a little and showing them that their judgement was wrong.

But now at 21, the baby isn't a doll, he's a wonderful little man, and even though I'm older and taking care of him very well, there's nothing you can say in response that will make those judging you eat their words.

They're just so sure that there's something wrong with you for not waiting until you're 30 or 40, and going to be old enough for retirement before your kid graduates college.

I honestly just don't know what to say back to them, so most of the time, I just try to ignore it. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself!

Answer 2

I agree too. I hate that people are judgemental like this. I know PLENTY of women who have done it alone ( not always by choice, but because the man decides he wants to bail) and done a DAMN good job too!! Some women CHOOSE to go at it alone and just get inseminated or help from a close friend, because they simply want to be a mommy and they are strong women who know that they can do it and they do a fine job! And I don't care what anyone says, you dont NEED a man to help. I think it's always better for a child to grow up with both parents, but if they don't then that completely fine too. My parents were married for 16 years, but i am the baby and was about 8 when they divorced. I have always said I would have rather grown up without a father than have the father i did for those 8 years. It would have been better not to have a father than to get all of the abuse and watch all of the fighting..
He who is without sin, throw the first stone....

Answer 3

Some people think that if your young or even unwed or single, you cant be a good parent, when thats not true. Some people dont believe in rushing out and getting married when they find out they are pregnant just like some people dont need a bad person in their life and they become single. Good for you for standing up in your self. Single, unwed or young people can raise a child just as well as a married couple can.

Answer 4

I know how you feel. I got pregnant at 19 (I'm now 21), but I looked even younger than I was. Despite the fact that I was married, I got rude comments a lot because people made the wrong assumption and would even ask what grade of highschool I was going to be in. I think there are a lot of young idiot mothers that ruin it for the rest of us. My neighbor is 20 with 3 kids, is a drug dealer, plays music so loud it rattles my walls, and screams at her kids all day, even the one who is only a couple months old. It makes me sick. But in general, I have a lot of respect for young and/or single moms. My mother was 18, a preachers daughter, and planning a wedding to my dad, but he ended up married to another woman before i was even born. she did a great job with me, and sacrificed a lot for me. some of my best friends are single moms, and I love them dearly, and help them in any way that i can. Despite being ridiculed while pregnant, I'm finally proud to say, I'm 21, I'm married to the most amazing partner and father, I'm a mother, and a home business owner. I nursed for a full year, and stay home with our daughter to make sure she gets the best care. I dont care what people think anymore, because I know I'm doing a good job, and other people are finnally starting to recognize that. Stupid people tend to ruin things for the whole population, but hang in there. You just have to prove people wrong.

Answer 5

You tell 'em, sister! I'm tired of people being judgemental, too. I happen to be married to my children's father but I really try never to put on a holier than thou attitude toward unwed mothers. Heck, they're probably smarter than I am for staying single! The truth is, though, that people are going to judge for your actions, or for non-actions, like being married or single, breast or bottle feeding, cosleeping, spanking, what church you belong to, etc. It never ends. If you weren't a single mom these people would find something else to complain about in regards to your lifestyle. Don't let it get to you. Be the best mom you know how and forget about those who try to get you down.

Answer 6

I agree with you, I married before I had a baby but most of my friends are single moms. Some of them ended up marrying the fathers-90% of them are divorced because they married for the wrong reason. All of them wish they didn't get pressured into marriage, now have bad credit, and their kids would have been better off without the father. As long as your child is loved (which is obvious), that's all that matters! I wish you all the best!

Answer 7

I do not judge. I have my own opinions on situations. I am against teenage pregnancy. Most teenagers plan to get pregnant and tell me why that is?
Just say that you are against abortion well i am for it.
That is not judging that is our own free right to have our opinions and beliefs.
Even though i am married i do think that you do not have to be and i do not see nothing wrong in a couple just living together & having kids without being married.
Everyone has made mistakes in life. I do not claim to be perfect in anyway. If you feel you are no different than anyone else then why are you worrying what other people think?

Answer 8

Was there a question? If it is why are you treated differently than those that got married and then had the children, that is something that you would have to ask the people that treat you that way. You sound angry and hurt. I hope that this heals in time.

Good luck with the raising of your child/children

Answer 9

I agree with you. Then when you rush into a bad marriage, them same people have all bad things to say about the guy and why you married him to begin with. I was an unwed mother for 6 years. It's wise to take your time to be sure "he" will be the right one to commit yourself and your kid(s) to. Take your time and make wise decisions.

Answer 10

the only reason it matters to anyone else is because everyone has an opinion about everything and most people like to down grade others because it makes them feel better about their own pathetic lives.