Positive spanking!?

Question

I just wonder if people find that spanking can be very positive. I find that my child is a funny. She is happy 99% of the time. We have not found any child happier than her around us. But she often shows very bad behaviours after a long time without spanking. Other measures loose effectiveness. So my wife gave the child lots of warnings over many days (all in vain). Then my wife spanks the child. Suddenly the child is in her best behaviours and seems to love her mother even more. The child could see that the spanking actually hurts her mother emotionally a lot more than the physical hurt of her own.

My conclusion is that my own child does not mind being spanked occasionaly when she becomes very badly behaved out of reasons she does not even know herself. As long as she feels that the care and love she is getting is infinitely larger than the occasional spanking, she has no problem with it at all.

It's my wife who spanks the child. Often after numerous warnings over many days, lots of explanations, ... and then after the inevitable spanking, my child is completely aware of all her "crimes" and the hurt of her mother (watching the mother crying and completely upset). When asked "Why do you continue to behave badly?". The child just says pleasantly, "I don't know".

My child is very balanced and sucessful at everything. She just turns 8 yrs. As the only child in the family she cannot help but being spoiled too much. She knows she is loved too much (and love it). So the psychological effect of spanking is actually quite positive. Probably it releases her own guilty feeling accumulating for weeks for all the unpunished "crimes". I think psychologists are pretty academic about this issue. There is no clear answer.

She is at the age where spanking is no longer appropriate. So we are looking at more suitable alternatives.

Answer 1

as you have just proven. spanking works!

Answer 2

Your not the only one with these positive results. Your conclusion is correct IMO. We too find that a few min. after a spanking, our children seem much happier and back to normal, not always so with other methods. Listen close to the language you children are speaking. A happier child after a certain type of punishment, is their way of saying, your doing great mom and dad.


Good Luck


EDIT: she is 8 why is it no longer appropriate? I have a 10 year old who still needs spankings every once in a blue moon. I'd say it might not be appropriate when she's 12 or 13 at the latest. If your finding good results, don't stop now. I made that mistake, I'll not repeat it.

Answer 3

I was spanked as a child and I was one of the most well behaved children ever. I think people get it in their minds that spanking is demeaning and teaches a child physical violence and equates it with abuse. A lot of people forget that abuse can be verbal and mental and be just as detrimental. I see so many children messed up because they are not disciplined and I think that it is important to have a good balance. If my parents would spank me it was followed by a time out and then a long talk about my behavior and why what they did was because they loved me and worried about me. I also had to do something pretty bad to deserve a spanking so it wasn't a default punishment. It was used after other punishments didn't work and I was completely unruly. So I say it depends on how you go about it but I don't think it is wrong.

Answer 4

I spank as a last resort, and never when I am angry, and I never say negative things. I just say, okay, SPANK! and then I let them cry it out. But try other methods first. Try talking, time outs, groundings and spankings last. Even after the spank, always explain to the child why you did it, and how you would like them to behave, and express that that was the result of a "last chance." I was raised in a spank only home, and it was out of anger and a horrible experience. I am 30 and still scared of my father. My 8 year old had had 4 spanks her whole life, and never when I was angry. Good luck.

Answer 5

Spanking is an acceptable form of discipline in my opinion. "Spare the rod and spoil the child", right? There is a huge difference between discipline and abuse. We all know that. Just be sure to explain why she is getting the spanking so she will learn from it. I can't stand the fact that we can't even discipline our own children without some outsider objecting. That, my friends, is the root of all these kids carrying guns to school, getting pregnant in their teens, and all the juvenile delinquints you see these days. No discipline at home.

Answer 6

Just curious how old your child is? Spanking is dangerous becasue it incorporates violence into a persons life from the beginning and has lasting effects. Some of the effects are positive but some are negative. I think if you have a better way for punishment it should be used, especially as the child gets older and can understand right and wrong.

Answer 7

My mom used to have to spank me in order for me to go to bed!! Seriously, i would be running around and acting crazy at night, and she would warn me over and over, and then she would pop me once or twice on my butt with her hand, and i would be able to fall right to sleep. I still don't know what it was about that, but sometimes children need a little boost to do whats right.

Answer 8

I'm the happy mother of 2 girls who have gotten their fair share of spankings//not beatings mind you/and seem none the worse for them. And i might add seem alot better for them. When all else fails grounding, taking away privileges, and time out spankings seem to work.

Answer 9

The research is very clear about spanking.... BAD, BAD, BAD. It raises kids anxiety levels and teaches them to hit. Read "Helicopters, Drill Sargeants, and Consultants... parenting styles and the messages they send" a much better alternative as is the video "!-2-3- Magic... dealing with difficult behavior in children 2-12." (Available at a local library) Please don't spank. Punishment stops a behavior but it does not correct it. Encouragement corrects it. Do you like being hit? Would it stop you from making mistakes and testing limits? Fear based parenting is extremely distructive.

Answer 10

That is an interesting premise. I think that it may have value as you are showing your child that you care enough to do something that is necessary and quite unpleasant to you. Interesting.... Keep us posted on how this goes...

Answer 11

I am glad it works for you. I just can't shake the sense that spanking teaches a child (especially a female) that it is okay for someone to hit you, (future husband for example), if you don't listen to them.

Just my opinion, but glad things are working for you.