How do I tell my daughter in a tactfull way?

Question

I don't know how to put this without sounding like a mother who thinks her daughters looks are better then everyone else. But my daughter is truly blessed with beauty and a petite feminine shape to match. She is about to date, (or go out with) a boy of her own age 17. I'm sure he is a nice young man but I was stunned when
I met him this evening. I know the saying beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I've taught her this. I have also taught her that if you look and search deep enough you will find beauty in everyone.
But anyone can clearly see the two of them together is no match at all. I will not begin to pick on his features. But I was so stunned
I began to cry this evening and crying doesn't come easy to me.
I guess I just found out my own answer to leave well enough alone.
If something is meant to be it will be. I hope no one finds me repulsive for feeling the way that I do. I just feel that If I felt this way, how will others feel when they see them together?

Answer 1

I really believe that you have answered your own question. It seems to me that your daughter is doing what you taught her, to look from the inside to find their beauty. So that is a good thing because she is not superficial. I mean just because some one is not great looking in your book doesn't mean that they wont treat your daughter good. Alot of guys with great looks also have a big ego and attitude, and are ugly on the inside. Just something to thank about.

Answer 2

Hmm, hard one. I was young once too...and had a figure to die for. Not too much of a stunner elsewhere...but you get the drift. I have a daughter that is gorgeous and I'm trying to put myself into your shoes-

Let me ask you this - have you thought about how between the generations what one considers cute another may decide to look over? Or how in school a guys personality is what makes him so attractive - his confidence, his ability to interact well with all peer groups...that kind of thing. Is he considered popular?

I recently looked back on my high school yearbook (almost 20 years) and found the "cute"guys to be sadly lacking and wondered why I never looked at some of the really rather nice looking ones that were kinda "nerdy". Hindsight is as they say 20/20!!

Don't worry- he may be really nice, and if he's not and he's a jerk and if you've taught your daughter well she'll dump him. And really, isn't that all that matters? Making sure some idiot teenager doesn't crush her heart or treat her poorly?

Good luck, don't sweat it, this too shall pass.

Answer 3

I don't think you are any more shallow than the rest of us. You're concerned for your daughter's well being and that is admirable.
Perhaps this kid is a "nice young man" as nice as a horny 17 year old can be.

Why not subtly ask your daughter why she likes him, bring up some old boyfriend of yours to get the ball rolling. If he treats he well, respects her (as much as any male does respect a female that is) and they have things in common perhaps she has looked past his aesthetic challenges. She may even pity him and pity does not a relationship.

Continue talking to her about dating etc. Make sure she isn't being manipulated. All women especially the good looking ones have to be wary of men's lies and machinations.
As she gets older she'll learn to use looks, personality and commonalities when selecting men to date.

Answer 4

I think the real issue is that you may be living vicariously through your daughter. If she does not have a problem with his appearance then you should not either. Also the fact that you do have a problem with his appearance in comparison to her makes you what kind of person. Perhaps you should learn a little tolerance for,m your daughter. What her dates look like should be no cause for concern for you.. Instead focus on their behavior and personality, not if he can take a good photo.

Answer 5

Well, one thing you can be sure of is that folks who see them together won't say, "Boy, she must have a dolt for a mother." Tell her that you know she can make good decisions, tell her that she must always require respect from her guys, and that she needs to make sure they honor her, her person, and her ideas. Did you ever make any decisions that were doozies? What's the goal here? A good looking couple or a happy, fulfilled, productive daughter?

Answer 6

I'm sorry but you sound very shallow, what's more important how he looks or how he treats your daughter. I'd rather a guy not look all that good and lasso the moon if my daughter wanted, to know that she would be treated like a queen, then to worry about some pretty boy treating her like crap....I think you need get to know this guy and not worry what he looks like.

Answer 7

ouch thats a cruel thing to say. how would you feel if another mother said something like that about your daughter?? let them be, give the poor lad a chance, (everyone deserves a chance) let your daughter find out for herself who suits who and who doesnt, metalling in her relationships will only break down the trust between you two, just be there for her when she needs you, give her advice when she asks for it. but for now let things take its course it might not even work out.

Answer 8

You don't. You butt out and just be happy that your daughter is happy.
As a parent the only time you should get involved in your daughter's relationships is if she asks or if it's hurtful or abusive to her.
While she may be your daughter you have to remember that she is also her own person.

Answer 9

You taught her to be the person she is and she sounds like a genuine person. You should be giving yourself a pat on the back. Who cares what others think.

Answer 10

Talk about shallow. Leave her alone. She has seen something in this young man that she likes.

Geez. "How will others feel when they see them together?" You're right. Repulsed I am.