my bf emailed his ex?

Question

he said that he was thinking about her the other day and asked if she was still around and to let him know. i confronted him on this issue but he said that it was harmless and that he was just wondering what she was doing. some of my friends told me that i'm just overreacting and some said that it doesn't sound too good. what do you think? we've been together 4 1/2 years.

Answer 1

he is checking to see if she is available, you better watch this situation or you are going to wind up hurt

Answer 2

I just about asked how old you were but then as you said you've been together for 4 1/2 years so maybe it is a problem? As time goes by it's one of those things. Either you or your partner may be feeling or translating to the other that the spark is gone and one of you is getting bored with the other. I myself feel it thrown my way without my g/f knowing she's doing it at times too. After 4 1/2 years I would think this would have already presented itself But there seems to be other problems evolving with him. By now you both should have everything in your relationship like this figured out. In saying that I mean in essence knowing each other by a few things. First of all what one of you can say to piss the other off. Second, If sex two or three times a week is enough for both of you to feel wanted and loved by the other or not (or if it's a lame 1 time a week) Third,, If calling the other on the phone or emailing each other a certain amount of times a day is making one feel loved or not so loved.. Fourth,, If one or the other or BOTH of you are giving up on any part of the relationship you feel a need to say something on. Saying that what I mean is if one of you figures the other doesn't like a certain thing that may be important to the other, be it visiting with friends/relatives or wanting to have sex at a different time of the day that the regular "night time". In saying this, I don't mean for you to go looking to dig up anything in the past or in the future. If I were you I would worry about this because someone is feeling VERY unappreciated for one reason or another and if this person is worth it ,it's worth putting the time and effort into figuring out if it really is ALL their fault or if they've been pushed there by their lover? It's all worth thinking about and figuring out if this is how you want to pursue your future with this person.

Answer 3

Dear Nina;

I can understand your trepidation. You really did the right thing by confronting him. Yes it may be harmless but you have invested four and a half years into the relationship. You need to ask yourself "do you trust him?" if you do then all should be okay but if you are worried about it maybe you need to spend more time with him and see what makes him tick. The ex-girlfriend may just be a friend by now. There is no harm in him seeing her as a friend but did they invest time in each other or not is a concern. If this was a momentary lapse in his desire for you then you need to be sure it doesn't go any further. Tell him to give her your best and that you were thinking about her yourself. Shows that you are avoiding being jealous which is what he might be hinting at.

Answer 4

Unfortunatly, most people will think of their ex's when theyre not satisfied with their relationship theyre having. Look at your relationship, is there ways you can improve it?? Have you guys been disagreeing about things going on in your relationship? Have you guys been in the same old, day to day things kinda rut?

It maybe time to throw some spice into your relationship!! Surprise him, make a point of having special evenings, day with him and let him know how important he is to you!!

Sit down and talk with him, let him know it made you feel insecure about your relationship when he contacted his ex. Dont argue with him but tell him, it woke you up and made you realize how important he is to you and how much you want your relationship to work out.

If not and your really not happy in the relationship then get out of it and move on with your life. good luck!

Answer 5

Ex's can be very attractive, not only do you know them well enough to be comfortable in their company, but there is a tendency to remember only the good about them, unless of course it was very very bad. Your bf is thinking about her and wants to see her--like he said. And yes, it could indicate some dissatisfaction and restlessness on his part, some uncertainty with decisions he's made, commitments he's made. Its not a terrible thing, but maybe you and he have to check in with each other. Are you being good to each other, being good for eachother, loving life together?
If you are, and all is well, discuss with him whether this is a friendship your relationship can absorb.

Answer 6

No you are not over-reacting. You are smart to be suspicious. His motive is not harmless.... he is testing the waters for a possible fling..... to see if he still has it... it's an ego thing. Where better to test an ego but with an ex you've already had.

Lay down the law..... if he persists...then you need to let him know it's over...because a relationship is about trust and you don't have any trust for him.

Answer 7

It's no good. It sounds like he wants to do her again. I'm a guy, I know. Not a good thing. If they get together, he'll try to have intercourse with her no doubt.

Answer 8

Keep open communication about it. Give him the benefit of the doubt for right now. But if he keeps on "thinking about her" then raise more questions.

Answer 9

i think ur overeacting hes probably just curious, just chill and watch him a little closer but you have over 4 years together i doubt he will just throw that away because he would be an idiot to do that

Answer 10

dont get on his back because he will just get really defensive and flip out...just take a breath and relax..you guys have been together almost 5 years so no reason to feel insecure...dont distrust him till you have a reason to! a simple email is innocent...
=] best of luck!

Answer 11

I think you might want to keep an eye on the situation