How do I find any self-value?

Question

My married parents put me up for adoption, but kept my three year old brother. I was not wanted the moment I was born. I went to high school and graduated, then into the Army and became a paramedic.

Now I am a young (mid 20's) mother of two, my husband just cheated on me for the first time in our 10 years of a relationship (5 married), I stay at home and let my EMT-P license expire. I am overweight by 20lbs (My son is 6 months old) I can't make myself get back into school, and I want to be a physician, and overall I feel worthless.

Are we what we accomplish? I feel like I am taking up space, breathing and existing for nothing, and I hate myself in general. Now I think I may be becoming addicted to hydrocodone (that I had to take for months after surgery recently) and that makes me feel like a petty addict, but I am just so damn sad all the time without it. I don't want to deal with depression, my adoptive mother had it. How the hell do I define myself or find worth in what I am

Answer 1

You don't find self-value, sweetie, you just CLAIM it. Just stand right up and take it. It's there and you have a right to it.
You have a massive strength in you. Nobody could go through all you have been through unless there was some hidden strength inside. You can thank that hidden inner strength that has held you up through all of this. But now, you are tired. You have just had so many blows that you have gotten tired. This is a temporary state.
When your parents put you up for an adoption, it sounds like you were just an infant. There is no way in the world you can take that personally. It is their flaws, not yours. And lots of times children are put up for adoption for many reasons even though they are wanted.
You have been through the army. That is an accomplishment. But you make a good point. No, I do not believe we are what we accomplish. We accomplish because of what we are. And you should take some notice of all you have accomplished so far. It's lot.
Let's discuss pain medications. They are prescribed for a reason. Because they are needed. Just because you needed pain meds for awhile does not make you a "petty addict". It is a medicine. For a condition. Give yourself at least a tiny break on that one, please? You will get past it. Right now they are easing some pain for you, physical or emotional. I commend you for wanting to get off of them and you will do it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you will. And when you do, be kind to yourself and taper off them. Let your body ease into it. You have had enough abrupt changes to handle already.
I am sorry you are feeling so bad. If I were there, I would give you a big hug and sit down to coffee with you. I think it would be a great help to you to have someone to work through it all with and come up with a plan to get past this big bump in the road.
Bottom line is you must step forward in defense of yourself. Be decisive and stop letting sorrow slap you around. Decide here and now that you are claiming your self-worth, to which you are entitled, and start trying to sort out the confusing details that are clouding your happiness.
Please find a good counselor to help you with this. It seems too overwhelming to handle on your own.
With some guidance and a little nudge in the right direction, you can start getting a handle on these things again and move forward. Baby steps....Rome wasn't built in a day. And you did not get this sad in one day. It took a series of bad events to bring you to this point. So it is realistic to assume it will take a little while to pull out of it.
Until you get situated with a good therapist, maybe you could do some things on your own. Don't underestimate the power of physical exercise to make you feel better and more in control of yourself and your life. Even if all you do is 20 minutes a day of marching in place or dancing to your favorite tunes, get moving! It will help. Most important, find someone to talk to right away.
Best wishes, dear!

Answer 2

I know how you feel. I've been there myself. I am not an expert, nor pretend to be one. I can only share with you my experience, strength and hope. For me, writing was a great healer. I also read a wonderful book by Marianne Williamson called "A Woman's Worth". I enlisted the help of a counselor and I most importantly made a decision to face all of these feelings I was having even though most of them felt bad at the time. In doing so, I took the power of these feelings away, and regained my strength. Now taking actions to do little things that were just for me, like getting a manicure. Taking a half hour to sit in the sun and read or just enjoy the quiet. Still I write and I write, often finding clarity in what seems like whirlwind of emotions at times. Faith, always keeping faith that there is a reason for my being, and while I may not always understand or know why somethings happen, I do believe they happen for a reason and if I'm a part of it... I'm either learning something or teaching something.
I wouldn't suggest you hide behind the oxycodone, it's like putting a rotten band aid on a wound that won't heal.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Answer 3

Depression after childbirth (for about a year) is not uncommon. Obviously you have worth, even if you do not feel like it your child values you. For the weight con-cider cutting back a little in the portions and minimizing the sugars and junk food that may have crept in. Your parents may have made an unpopular decision but consider that it had to have been hard on them. Less schooling and faster turn around in the job area, consider supporting areas - massage therapist and chiropractor take less time and overlap in the information area so if you choose to still be and Md there is the possibility to support yourself as you are studying. Yes, it would take longer but you will provide stability that might end up being needed and still be helping people which is where self-worth is usually found.

Answer 4

Woeeeeeeee, slow down sweetness. You are on a roll of sadness. you need counselling, good counselling to listen to your stuff, and sort it out bit by bit.
on your own: put each of what you said on a different index card, look at each one and see which belong in the same pile, like are they related to each other...sounds like your stuff started with the adoption. if it helps you to know: if I had been pregnant at the wrong time, i would have given up the baby and it would have been torture. some people can and some cant, there are different people in the world - we all deal with different situation differently. What ever their reason was - it was their choice, AND IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OBVIOUSLY, sorry to be harsh, but it is the G=d's truth. I dont want to be a G-d preacher, but quite seriously, i believe what we dont have control over is Divine Providence, He is the Boss, and it happened for a reason beyond our understanding. i am a big believer in body work, llike shiatsu, for emotional release, or visualizations - dont scoff, they are very powerful. Much love, light, beauty, positivity, goodness, merriment, more love should come your way in abundance. Smile, you are one of G-d's children. He has a plan for each one of us. We all have a package, BELIEVE ME, i Have mine, and it has taken me a long time to deal with it, but i am slowly. personally, i like this book i am reading right now: perhaps you could check it out: THE POWER OF ONE, BY ECKERD TOLLE. Much Light, R.

Answer 5

WOW, I appreciate those in the military. You are very brave. Thank God there are people like you. Your children really need you. Put your focus on how you are going to teach and raise them. I was raised in an abusive home when I was a kid. With my own children I decided that they would not be raised like that. I was determined that my kids would be nurtured and loved. Bad things can be passed from generation to generation. Be determined that will not happen in your home. Find a church family. They can love and help you. Something that I like about church people is that they are big huggers. Here is a big hug from me to you!

Answer 6

You are just in a rut and you will climb out! I think you can get that EMT-P renewed online, can't you? If not, I would look into that. Oh, and 20 pounds is not overweight enough to complain about. Get rid of the husband and move on to bigger and better things!!! :)

Answer 7

Every day when you go out look for people smiling and ask yyourself this question... Don't I have the same right as this person to be happy?
Can you smile? Just by smiling therapist had say, give ourself worth.
You deserve to be happy, look for simple things around you, but don't try to relay in other to make you happy, please don't.
Set goals in your life and get strenght from within, if other can you must certainly can. Good luck.

Answer 8

What if you don't define yourself at all? Everything that comes and goes cannot be who you are... that includes your past.