I have a 12 year old daughter. i cant seem to get her to live up to her potential in school. Any advice?

Question

she's in schoolastics bowl...and all kinds of activities.she is very bright(and it's not just me...her teachers say the same)but she bring home c's and d's on report card when she should be getting all a's.I've tried everythng I can think of...reward good grades...punish bad...help with homework...leave it up to her....get her in more activities...take her out of some if she slips up tooo much.talk to her teachers.nothing is working. I feel like i could pull my hair out.you name it i probably tried it!!! even counseling didnt help.where do i go from here?

Answer 1

i would be straight with her.
and say look i have tried it all i know how brillant you are but will give you the willigness to try?

-did she mention why? like
being picked on for being the smart one
tired of all the extra - live up to my potential "stuff" as they call it.
or the extra "bad" attention.
or just now willigness to do it.
or even something else.

i wish you luck and keep the punishments going and consistent. eventually, she will get the idea you mean it.

Answer 2

I was in the gifted program at my school. Half the people in that class (before getting into it) were getting C's and D's. Want to know why? They were BORED! What do you do in school if you can complete the work 15 minutes early, or if the work to her looks like 1+1 questions to you? See if you can talk to the teacher about getting her harder work to do. See if she takes to reading ahead one chapter in some textbooks, or doing work in a text book a year ahead of her. If she can do work for a grade above, she will be forced to learn to do things at her grade.

Besides that, talk to the teacher about ISP or Independent Scholar Plans. These will be special teaching strategies that teachers will try out and use until they find something that works with your daughter.

Also, she may have a learning disability, despite being smart. Could it be she is dyslexic or unable to read and just really good at hiding it? If you give her a brand new book she has never seen, can she read it or does she need to hear it first? Try getting her evaluated with a counciller.

Whatever happens, good luck!

Answer 3

Leave her alone. "i cant seem to get her to live up to her potential in school" It's not about you...it's about your daughter. To begin with she has probably reached puberty that would have a lot to do with the "problem" and if her teacher is a female then her teacher isn't worth whatever she is paid not to see it. Secondly, you are pushing your daughter to be an over achiever which has resulted in her becoming an under achiever. Stop pushing, stop prodding, stop with the punishments, stop with the rewards, stop putting her into things then taking her out of them. Let her be HERself. Not what YOU want her to be not what you THINK she should be. Let her chose the activities she gets into and let her do her own homework. I don't understand WHY the teacher hasn't been able to see all of this...I can see it from where I"m sitting...You keep throwing things at her trying to push her you are confusing her and you are overworking her, she is basically burnt out, keep going and she will be quitting school by the time she is 16.

Answer 4

LOL. Some kids don't like schoolwork. My brother is very intelligent and he wouldn't even bring his books or a pen to class. My mother hounded him, the teachers hounded him, but it didn't matter. He didn't think it was important, and he got Cs usually. And it turns out he was right. He now owns a computer company and makes over $100,000 a year. My sister and I, both straight A students, have Master's degrees, tons of student loans, and jobs that have pretty meager salaries.

If you have tried your best, and you are keeping an eye on her to make sure she is happy and healthy outside of her lessons, you can just relax. When she is ready to make her move on the world, she will, and you may be surprised at how successful she becomes when it is on her own terms.

Answer 5

She could be the smartest kid in the whole school, but if she doesn't know how to study or how to organize her thoughts in a way that works for her, it's not going to do any good.
The teachers always told my mother how smart I was and how much better I could do if only I applied myself. My mother always got on my case for that and that only made me cry. The fact is that I was doing the very best that I could do. I did my homework, I studied, I participated in class discussion, I took notes. I did absolutely everything my teachers said to do. I couldn't understand what more they wanted me to do. It was very frustrating to me.
Looking back if they only offered me tips on how I could improve, perhaps the whole thing could have been avoided. It's not enough saying how much better I could do. The teachers need to give specific examples of what to do.
It may also help if you take her to someplace like Sylvan learning Center. They can inventory your daughters study habits and offer a plan on how to organize better and offer some tips on how to improve on what she's already doing.
As far as your personal involvement the most important thing you can do is to stay positive with her and encourage her. Don't yell and scream at her to do this or to do that. Make sure you stay on top of her doing her home work and studying. Good Luck!

Answer 6

School's hard these days. Everything is teach-to-the-test. It doesn't work for all kids. I'm a prime example. My IQ is high. But I was a classic C student. Not all kids LEARN the way the curriculm is written.

My best guess is that she's BORED!!

I, too, brought home C's and D's on my report cards. My parents scolded, punished, grounded, spanked, threatened, etc. They rewarded when I was good, but... *shrug*

It wasn't enough to keep my attention. My mind was always wandering to someplace else because it was more FUN than sitting in school. School was dull. Studying was dull. *shrug*

I'd be writing stories in my mind, or acting out plays in my head or drawing in my notebook or... you name it-- I was, essentially, in my own little world because school did NOT stimulate me enough to keep my focus!

When I finally got involved in Theatre during highschool, my theatre grades SOARED! Why? This is something I enjoyed, I was fascinated, I was constantly thinking about the material I was going to be tested/quizzed on!!

If your daughter is in public school and you CANNOT afford a private or preforming arts school, then you really don't have too many options.

I say this because I know for a fact that I have always excelled in classes that have thrilled me, stimulated me, and interested me. Anything else? Just a waste of my time when I could be doing the stuff that I live/eat/breathe!

Sit down with your daughter. Talk to her about what she WANTS to do. Does she live to ride horses? Does she live to do theatre? Does she live to Paint? What is her PASSION? What does she wake up every morning and can't wait to do?

For example, let's use horseback-riding.

If you cannot afford to send her to a private school that includes that as the curriculm, (which is understandable since they're costly!) then talk to your daughter about getting her involved in a local program which will interest her.
Do you have 4-H in your area? If so, then call them and find out what's required to join.
Do you have a US Pony Club in your area? Then find out the details for that.
When you have the information, talk to your daughter about what you can do as a TEAM to get her doing something she likes to do.
You and dad will help pay for the horseback-riding lessons but her contribution is her grades. She HAS To keep her grades up in order to continue to ride. If her grades slip, she will not be allowed to ride. (Just as a warning- she should go WATCH lessons, but not participate. She'll fall too far behind if she can't at least observe.)
Set limits for her. Example: If she has 6 courses and gets 1 a, 1 b and the rest are c's or better, then she gets two riding lessons per month. 2 a's, 1 b, then 3 lessons a month.

You also have to motivate her up front- give her a few lessons on "good faith" because you KNOW she will be able to succeed in your new 'contract.' That shows you trust her. (and it gives her a chance to say "no mom- i hate horses.")

(Same concept for theatre, painting, fixing cars, etc, WHATEVER it is that drives her.)

Work with what her current levels are and set improvement goals. Even if she IS a bright kid, she will need some time to get from her D's to the A's we'd like to see. That's a steep learning curve and probably won't happen overnight.

I would bet you that your daughter is bored. Ask her. It can't hurt!





Also, I'd do everything in my power to have your child tested for learning disabilities. Not just Dyslexia and ADHD,etc. I was tested for those but what I REALLY had/have is test axiety!

Don't forget to ask the teachers if they notice any bullying in classes, etc. How's her social life? I was so worried about "fitting in" in school that my grades were SO FAR down on my priority list. Make sure there's time for friends. They truly are important!!


Best of luck to your daughter and you. You'll figure it out give her the benefit of the doubt.

Answer 7

Is she freaking out when it comes to tests?Sometimes teachers count test grades pretty high and it's amazing how much they can bring down your grade.
She shouldn't be in too many activities either.Heck,I'd say let her decide only one or two activities that she really wants to be dedicated too.Those can stress a kid out without them even realizing it.
If neither of those are it,I'd advise sitting her down and going over everything either of you can think of.It doesn't sound like to me that she'd be the kind to not care.Could be wrong though.

Answer 8

Maybe its the classroom where she isn't learning, if you don't know how to do it your not gonna wanna do homework. Ask the teachers how she is doing in class.

Answer 9

take away any privileges if she continues to perform poorly. ie. tv, computer, activities, time spent w/ friends.

Answer 10

being 12 is TOUGH!!!!! just leave her be shell grow out of it.