Would like some good advice?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. i'm 25 and he's 27. He always wanted to go do things together, and just spend time with me. the past 6 months all he ever wants to do now is spend time with his 2 friends (that are males), play his xbox or online poker. He doesn't put any real money in it..we both live with our parents. I live with my father due to money issues and i recently lost a job. He lives with his mother.. He only wants to spend time with me when he wants to. everytime I ask him to come out and spend a little time with me he always says he can't, or i'm busy, I know he would never cheat on me. But anymore he treats me like i'm just a friend then a girlfriend. He still tells me loves me with all his heart. and I have asked him if he even wanted to be in this relationship, he said that if he didn't then he wouldn't be in it. idk what to do.. idk if I should just do things by myself and not tell him, make him wonder what i'm doing.. any advice you have for me????

I have tried talking to him about it. He says i'm just jealouse of his friends and he says the reason why he doesn't come around is because I Bi*ch too much.. how can I do that when he's never around..lol..and the only thing I say to him really is about him basicly ignoring me and being with everyone eles.

Answer 1

I'd confront him about it and if all he truly is doing is spending time with his friends ask if you can spend time with them and get interested. If you really want it to work it will just take some effort and elbow grease. If this was more recent than 6 months ago I'd say that it was just him needing some space and it may still be but I can't jusge that. All I can say is talk to him about it and see what you can work out. Two wrongs don't make a right so don't just ignore him unless you want things to end. He might not take it the same way you are. He might just want some attention from you and he doesn't want to admit it. Just sit him down and have him tell you what the deal is. I hope it works out and if you need any help you can e-mail me.
Love,
L. Kolsky

Answer 2

You are 25, and if marriage is in your plans, he ought not to be a candidate. Have you finished college? This is what my mom said to me when I was 16:

1.. The most important decision that you will ever make is who you marry
2. If you choose to have children, be sure your marriage is solid, and don't have any until you yourself can support them in a fashion that is acceptable to you. Don't become a single parent, ever.
3 Get an education and a skill that pays well. Even if you choose to marry, it is not a lifetime mealticket. You will have to work during your life -- maybe for decades. Get paid for it.
4. Have a stash of cash even if you marry, even if you think you will never need it.... you will.

At 27, hon, your boyfriend is a baby, still playing silly games, and hanging with guys..... and at 25, if you don't have an education, go back to school and get one. (At one time I worked full time, went to school from 4-9p, studied on the weekends. During that semester I carried 18 units, and worked full time.... you can too. It ain't forever....)
You may not be ready to dump him, but there is a saying "I hear what you say, and I see what you do, and I believe the latter". He may love you in his own mind, but so what? He'll still be playing games 10 years from now... the stuff is addictive.

Decide what you want in this life--- marriage, good job, nice house, vacations, maybe children, maybe not... all of this is nice with someone who has something going for him other than games and his guy buddies

If you're a neat lady, you deserve a real boyfriend, and a husband if marriage is part of your life plan.... from your note, he doesn't come very well qualified to be either.

You asked
Helpful, I hope

Answer 3

Be there for her and try and get her to talk to her parents... By her talking to them gives her more options on wether or not she wants to keep it or even adoption she has more options now than she will later. Her parents will find out eventually just make sure it's not to late. And be a good friend and try and help/guide her to make the choices she wants and not what anyone "wants" her to do because she am has to deal with it later on in life no matter what she decides... And like the girl before said her parents will grow to the idea and yes there's a chance they'll loose it but the won't hurt her or the baby. So encourage her to make her decisions that will benefit her in the end.

Answer 4

First there are two things that are going on in this, but first i want to tell you that you dont need to play any games to fix this. The first thing is that he has lost his sense of personal balance in his life. Meaning that he is probably bored with hanging out with you(no offense), or he never really had a personal life in his past and is just starting to create on for himself. If the latter is the case, just sit down and talk to him. Tell him you dont hate him playing his xbox and being with friends but there should be a sense of balance in the realtionship as well. Secondly, him spending time with you when he wants to and then telling you he loves you, seems like a way of just having a girlfriend just to say you have one. Meaninng that he might not really want to have one, but he tries to keep you just to show that he is a real guy. My money is that this guy finally got a life and doesnt really know how to balance everything yet.....

Answer 5

That's a tough one Jen. He sounds like the classic guy who neglects the one he loves. I don't know why us guys behave that way. You girls to deserve more love.

You are in tough situation because you need more attention than you are receiving and maybe on some level it's making you feel as if you are inadequate for him.

It is most important that you realize that you are NOT inadequate for him. What you should do when he is not spending time with you is ponder the direction of your life and what you want in life. If you see him as being your man for life, then, you have to be willing to compromise, but he has to compromise too.

If you don't like the direction the relationship is going, suggest a trial separation and maybe date a few guys to see if there may be a better man for you.

Good luck and remember, you're more than adequate for him. He's just a typical emotionally clueless male.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like he is getting everything he wants out of this relationship, and you aren't.

You are certainly entitled to do things by yourself. While you don't owe him an explanation, every time you decide to go out and do something, I don't recommend using that as a weapon.

I actually believe trying to change him, however you might go about it, is likely to backfire. You stand to gain nothing, by getting into a childish tug of war with him.

Simply explain to him that your needs aren't being met, and you think it's time to move on. That could mean a total breakup, or maybe you'd just like to date other people.

Answer 7

He sounds like a loser from your description. What could you possibly see in this guy? Are you that hard up desperate for a boyfriend? God, I'd go out with you and show you the world, but you're wasting your life with this "Mr. Wonderful"...what's up with that?

Answer 8

THIS SOUNDS SO FAMILIAR.....
THATS HOW IT WAS WITH MY "B/F" IF I CAN EVEN CALL HIM THAT....
I DECIDED THAT I WASNT GOING TO BE WASTING MY TIME ANYMORE....
SO I TOLD HIM THAT I NEEDED SOME TIME....
BUT I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING AND ITS WEIRD THAT HE LIVES WITH HIS MOM LIKE YOUR B/F....
BUT TRY TO MAKE THINGS WORK....
I REALIZED THAT HE LOVES ME BUT HES NOT IN LOVE...
WE HAVENT TALKED SINCE...... I DECIDED WE NEEDED A BREAK.....
BUT THATS WHAT A BREAK IS...
RIGHT????
SO IF YOU THINK THAT IT MIGHT NOT WORK WHY WASTE YOUR TIME????

Answer 9

he's holding you back girl, get rid of him and get some who wants to be with you, chances are he won't even be that disappointed when you break it off with him, unfortunately i know the type. Trust me you can do so much better.

Answer 10

Never say "never " u can only swear for yourself no one else if he doesn't have the time or make the time for you find someone who does