I am 24. I currently live with my dad. He is totally unemotional, unaffectionate and pays little to no attention to me or what's going on in my life. My dad has helped me out financially and he thinks this means I should know he loves me. But I don't FEEL loved. Is anyone else going through this and how do you deal with it? Is it possible to FEEL loved without any affection?
2007-01-24 11:49:47 · 14 answers · asked by broadwayaprilandtiffany 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes, you can know you are loved and feel that you are loved, even by someone who doesn't show it physically. Some people just aren't affectionate people and we have to accept that. What's more important is knowing that he loves you...I understand missing the hugs and stuff, but ya can't expect someone to be who they are not...
Love him back anyway...and perhaps with age he will mellow...many people do...
2007-01-24 11:54:14 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. My Dad was not an affectionate man but I knew he loved me. When I was 17, I discussed the same problem with an adult friend who asked if I had ever told my father that I loved him. Well, I hadn't. My Dad would drive me to the school bus stop on his way to work so one morning I told him I loved him. He just kind of nodded and said. "OK." I did this every day for about three weeks until one morning he started saying it back. My Dad has always been there for me financially too. He is almost 80 now and I am 46. He still is not very affectionate but that is his nature. Your father loves you. There is a saying that goes, "the only man a girl can truly depend on is her father." It sounds like that is true for both you and me. Take care sweetie and know that you are loved.
2007-01-24 12:13:32 · answer #2 · answered by jeanhall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean by "love?" Are you talking about sexual love? There are lots of folks that I feel affection for, but not sexual love. But I think I love those people. It is just a different kind of love. Actually, I perceive affection and love to be the same emotion. But the affection-love is just not erotic. (Or it CAN be erotic, depending on the person I feel affection for.) No, I don't think I could love someone I do not feel affection for; nor vice-versa. I think this is just 'semantics!'
2016-05-24 05:48:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad is the same way. I have tried talking to him, but it hasn't helped. I know that he loves me because he helps out financially if there are problems.
I think the only thing you can do is continue to show him you love him. This is what I try to do. I make sure to buy him birthday and Christmas gifts, thank him for everything he's done, and tell him I love him even though he doesn't say it back.
2007-01-24 11:57:40 · answer #4 · answered by Trisha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to read the Five Love Languages. Your Dad is expressing his love in a different way. Looks like you'll need to date the cuddly type. It's sad to be in a situation like that. Hopefully you have others that show affection.
2007-01-24 12:53:42 · answer #5 · answered by Faith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, people equate love differently. Your father sounds like a stoic person. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It just means that his way of expressing it isn't the typical gushy way that society seems to have defined love as. He probably learned that from his parents.
Instead of expecting love, just accept him for how he treats you. Eventually he'll open up to you in his own way, just not the way you specifically want him to. And that is because he is different than you, that's all.
2007-01-24 11:56:29 · answer #6 · answered by Tones 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound exactly like my boyfriend and his dad. His dad's the same way but tells him mom behind his back how he loves him to death. He just never learned affections because he grew up in a supposedly volatile household. Try understanding him on his terms. Maybe your dad never learned how to be affectionate?
2007-01-24 12:01:41 · answer #7 · answered by SloBoMo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father probably just doesn't know how.....we are what we are taught....Why not be the bigger, more affectionate person and teach your father what it really is and what it really means to FEEL loved through affection....I don't think you have to have affection to feel loved, but in this case it seems simply a case of ignorance.
2007-01-24 11:55:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, love comes from within you, your soul. family can try to destroy you, change you and make your world what they think it should be, with or without their love. but, you know what, if you know yourself, like and love yourself, it doesn't matter what they dish out. take their bad, and make it your good, know what you would like of them, whether they give it or not, and then go on with your own life and when you meet that significant partner that makes you happy, take all the bad that your family dealt out, and use it for your new world and new family, saying i will never, never do what they did to me as a family, but i will learn by their mistakes to give MY family all the love, affection and attention that they need, knowing that this will also complete my life and what i lacked in it. please, use it for the good and don't wallow in the hatred of not feeling loved growing up. make their mistakes, your strengths and in the end, whether they realize it or not you learned something from them, and that is never to be LIKE THEM. good luck.
2007-01-24 12:17:02 · answer #9 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard. I myself need touch. Try giving him a quick hug once in a while. If he complains tell him you love him, smile, walk away. It will get better when you find a person to have a romantic relationship with.
2007-01-24 12:01:20 · answer #10 · answered by rhonda y 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋