my dad and stepmom have chosen not to come to my upcoming wedding , im thinking about asking my father in law?

Question

my question is that does anyone think it's wrong to ask my fiance father to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. my father made a desicion not to have anything to do with me and the plan was that he walk me down the aisle , but he has chosen otherwise . So i was thinking of having my future father in law walk me down the aisle and give me away.

my dad and stepmom are the only family i've got but they have chosen not to attend cause i told my stepmom that i didn't like how she treated me and my sister growing up and my dad won't come to my wedding cause he says im lying about my stepmom and he's mad at me because i confronted him about his drinking problem while i was growing up . i ;ve tried making amends with my family but they have chosen to not have anything to do with me . so i think i'll ask my father in law to walk me down the aisle because my partners side of the family have always made me feel at home .

Answer 1

That is a good idea. I'm kinda going through something similar. My boyfriend's mom refuses to come to our wedding because she isn't ready for him to leave and feels that if she doesn't come he won't go through with it because she is all he really has. She says that if he marries me she doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. That bothered him until he realized her game. The situation between you and your father and step mother is not your fault. Just like how I told my boyfriend, you are not the one missig out. They are the ones that are going to miss the happiest day of your life, and miss out on knowing their future grandchildren (should the fued go on that long). It was good for you to tell them and you should not try to make amends. The hardest part of healing is confronting the one that hurts you. And it will hurt you even more to take back what you said and ignore your pain. Them becoming upset with you is them trying ignore their own past problems. You bringing it to the light causes them to hurt and because you hurt them, they want to hurt you. Be strong. Let your father in law walk you down that aisle. Your father wil always regret it.

Answer 2

If that is the direction you go, I think it's a lovely idea. It is unconventional (he's technically not "giving you away" if you're officially joining his family minutes later), but a very sweet way to let your in-laws know that you consider them family already.

You also have several other options, all of which I've seen in real life (for various reasons--usually because the father has passed away), including a brother--it doesn't matter if he's older or younger--giving you away, your mother or a grandparent (male or female) giving you away, a family friend who's known you since you were a child, or a treasured teacher, boss, or mentor...anyone (male or female, age 5-95) who has known you in your "previous" life and can symbolically give you way into this new one. Trust me, people smile--they don't gasp--when they see a non-traditonal escort, and a protective younger brother, kindly grandparent, or neighbor can all have sentimental value to you and that's what is important.

I would suggest one thing--so that you don't have any regrets--write your Dad an e-mail or letter (or call him if you are speaking) and say you still really want him to give you away and you didn't want to ask anyone else to do it if there was ANY chance he would change his mind. Even if he's pig headed and you already know the answer, give him the chance to know the stakes, the specific chance he'll never have again (walking you down the aisle) and still either say no (or or ignore your request), not just to going to your wedding, but to giving you away as well. Once you've done that you've exhausted EVERY option you had to get him there and can go to a second choice with a clean heart and no (okay, very few) regrets.

Family disputes are always horrible and I hope that, even if your father is too short-sighted to see what he's doing now, that you can heal your relationship one day. Time and forgiveness does heal many things...but until then, YOU concentrate on your wonderful, beautiful, day.

Good luck and God Bless for a long and happy marriage!

Answer 3

Sweetie-I'm so sorry that your family is treating you this way. You did the right thing by being honest and confronting them; they just don't want to see the truth.

Do you have an uncle or brother, maybe a close male friend who could give you away? That would be more appropriate than the fiance's side doing it. In the end, however, what you're most comfortable with is what's truly best.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and may it be the beginning of a happier future.

Answer 4

What a drip. If your father isn't going to do it, write him off.

Why not ask your mother and stepfather (if you have one) to walk you down the aisle? Or just your mother? Your mother and grandmother, or grandfather, or an uncle? Your brother? There's no rule carved in stone that says a man has to be the one to walk you down the aisle. Both my mother and my father walked me down the aisle at my wedding, and my sister-in-law had her mother and brother walk her down the aisle.

Your father-in-law would be a good person to ask alternatively, but the symbolism of having anyone escort the bride down the aisle is that the bride's family is giving her over into the groom's care. You defeat that purpose a little by having a member of his family do the honors.

Ultimately, though, it's your wedding, and do whatever is meaningful for you. If your father and stepmother are too proud or whatever to attend, it's their loss.

Answer 5

You must be extremely upset that your father has refused to attend your wedding. You were right to confront your stepmom and dad about the things which have been bothering you for years. I know it must have been hard to do and you took a big step doing this.

In confonting your parents you appeared to try to put the past behind you and prepare for your new life as a married woman.

I understand that your parents are the only family you have but to be honest, I do not think it is appropriate for your father in law to give you away to his son. Of course they have made you feel like part of the family and you are grateful for that but the reality is, your father in law should not give you away.

Ask your father one more time and explain how much it means to you that he gives you away. If your father still refuses then tell him you accept and respect his decision and look for a friend or your sister to give you away. You need someone you know to fulfill this role. Do not ask your father in law - it will not have the same effect of being 'given away'.

Answer 6

I feel for you here, i fell out with my father on my wedding day 12 years ago, because i asked my step father to give me away!! Well he was paying for the wedding and had been there for me while growing up, and my father hadnt, but still it didnt go down well!! Do you have a uncle or a good male friend you could ask? If not your future father-in-law would prob be very please you have asked. Hope you have a lovely day, and dont let this mar your day in anyway. Good luck.

Answer 7

I don't think there would be any problem with that but usually the person walking you down the aisle should be someone from your side rather than your fiance's. Traditionally they are giving you away. Is there no one else from your side of the family? You could really break with tradition and have your sister.

Ultimately its your wedding so whatever makes you happy.

All the best

Answer 8

I think you should have someone you like to walk you down the aisle. If you get on well with your fiancee's father then ask him. Anyone can walk you down the aisle, even a woman if you like. My son of 18 walked me down the aisle at my second wedding. Good luck.

Answer 9

It is your special day most dads would be proud to walk their princess down the isle but if your dad has decided not to then it would be the next best thing if your future father in law I hope your dad knows how hurt you must be by his decision no matter the reasons for his feelings for what you are doing its your life and he should respect that you have to make your own path in life even if you take a wrong turn he should be supportive of your choice in life even if its wrong

Answer 10

I'm in the same boat. I will either have my future father in law or my sons give me away. There is no rule about who walks you down the aisle. If it is going to make you happy on your wedding day then do it.