Why is it that when I try to talk to my 16 year old sister she thinks im controling her? Im trying to help her but she gets mad and says she knows what shes doing and frankly Im scaired she will be hurt. she wants to do everything i do. and when i tell her no she says WHY YOU DO IT? how can I get it through to her shes just to young to do most of the things i do???
this is not about S E X? just little things
2007-01-24 10:47:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
im talking about going to a bar with me and stuff like that!!!
2007-01-24 11:01:14 · update #1
You know, I'm going through the exact same thing right now. Except I'm going through it with TWO younger siblings!
The thing is, yes, she does know everything, and yes, you are trying to control her.... from her point of view. Just think about how you were when you were 16 and your mom told you that you shouldn't do something, you did it, you got in trouble, and she was like, "I told you so.... you'll learn one day to listen to me." Well, now YOU'RE the "mom" and you're learning what it was like for her.
Younger siblings are a hard situation. You want to keep them from getting hurt, from making bad mistakes, from making the same mistakes you did... all that stuff. But, honestly, there are some things that they HAVE to learn on their own. You can't live their life for them, and if they don't live their own life, they'll never learn how to grow up. If you make all their decisions for them, one day you're not going to be able to make a decision and they're going to be lost. She's 16, no she can't go to a bar, and there probably are lots of things that you're able to do that she can't just because of age. Explain that to her. "Look, when you turn 18, 21, whatever, I'll take you with me. Until then, let's do something else together." I'm not really sure what all the little things are... but I'm guessing it's really just an age factor. And maybe that's all you have to explain to her.
And until then, until she gets to where she CAN do the things you're doing, maybe you could try not to involve her in what you are doing that she can't. You don't have to lie to her, just don't tell her about it. If she asks, say, "You know what, there's really nothing to talk about with it.... Same ol' same ol'." That way she doesn't think she's missing out on anything.
You're the big sibling, and no matter what you do, they are always going to want to do it too, and no matter what, you're always going to try to make them do it the right way... and honestly, they are NEVER going to listen. that's just life. So, if I were you, I'd do what I'm doing and tell them, "You know, you have a life to live, so I'm going to back out of it and let you live it. I'll be here to help you if you need me, but I'm not going to try to control your decisions anymore." And be prepared, cause they will get hurt, and they will make mistakes... but, if we never made mistakes... how would we learn?
2007-01-24 11:14:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that she's 16yo & a lot of kids her age think they're grown up. Yes, there's different maturity levels among kids in that age range, but for the most part they believe they are "adults" and should be treated like adults.
All you can do is what you are already doing, tell her she's too young. Yes, she'll get mad, but that's life. Most parents (or sisters) go through the same thing.
2007-01-24 18:55:49 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you ? Talk to your sister about the thing that you wish you could have changed when you were 16. make time for
her you know sister to sister time, make your time with her fun
invite someone close to both of you such as a family friend to
help balance the Whys and how comes.
2007-01-24 19:32:03 · answer #3 · answered by Tennessee Mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
16 year olds rarely listen to anyone they think they know it all.
She can't get into a bar at 16 so why even worry about that? If she gets caught with a phoney id .. then let her take the consequences. It sounds like your overprotecting her and that leads to nothing but rebellion. Its like trying to hold water in your hand by squeezing it tight.. you can't!
2007-01-24 19:15:19 · answer #4 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was the same with my older sister i think it was mainly the way my mum and her got on and she had a perfect relationship which she had a child so me and my man had a baby but it didn't turn out the way i planned just try 2 make her see that the things you do aint perfect tell her u want her 2 do better 4 herself good luck
2007-01-24 20:03:38 · answer #5 · answered by zoe k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
16 year olds DO know everything...there is until they grow up. She'll need to make her own mistakes and learn. It's natural to want to protect her from herself but I think the best thing to do is be available for her to come to you. She'll distance herself from you if you keep pushing
PS. You said it's the little things...you might need to just let it go
2007-01-24 18:55:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lets be fair here - when you were sixteen and your parents told you what to do, i am sure you didn't like it, and had the same thought every sixteen year old has had since time began:
you resented their interfering in your business,
you knew what you were doing,
you didn't need any help,
you didn't need anyone
etc. etc.
now your sister feels she has her parents AND her sister butting their nose into her business. you aren't that much older than her, i am sure you can remember being sixteen! so give her a break, explain why you feel she shouldn't do whatever and by the way................you should be leading by example!
2007-01-24 19:13:40 · answer #7 · answered by tess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think when your trying to help her she thinks your controlling her because she cant really understand were your coming off, maybe if you left her alone and let her make her decisions on her own she would learn from her mistakes,but i do understand how your trying to keep her out of trouble....try setting the best example you can and leave her alone 4 a while maybe somthin will rub off if she actually does everything like you...GOOD LUCK! ( D
2007-01-24 19:03:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats hypocritical to do things then tell her she can't do them and then get upset cause she doesnt listen. She probably looks up to u and of course wants to do what u do and when u tell her dont do it, it only makes her want to do it more...You should let her make her own mistakes, there is really no way to control what she does only guide her to make the right choices but if YOU are not making the right choices then how can u expect her to?
2007-01-24 18:58:28 · answer #9 · answered by JAY 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋