My father 92 is leaving.?

Question

My parents have lived with me for 17 years in spain. My mum died in november. Now my dad is returning to uk to live wih my sn of 32 and his wife 26. I don't get on with them over not bothering with us for the last 5 years. My father has written to them to ask if he can live with them and believe it or not they have said yes. Are they doing it out the kindness of their heart or for his money? He has 15,000 quid. However he said he is leaving me nothing after all these years. I am so hurt. i have tried to reason with him but to no avail. My husband says let him go it's up to him. Also he says I am getting nothing if he dies! I can't belive all this. I have access to his accounts and have taken nothing from him ever. I am tempted to take some money. I know it's wrong but I feel used. I nursed my mum for 5 years as well before she died. What do you think?

Answer 1

i hate to sound rude but is your dad sane or has he a form of dementia ?? as this could be the answer to your fathers sudden strange turn of events, i think he maybe hurting very deeply with your mum dieing so recently and he may just see going back to the UK as a way to cope with it all - older people act very oddly (as i guess you know) and he is 92. You deserve a medal for the time you have had your parents with you and espec in Spain as not the easiest of countries to live in (my parents are there).
I guess all you can do is let your father go and with your blessing - stay in touch with your dad and try your best to carry on as normal with him once he is back in the UK, as reagards the money my grandmother changed her will about 2 weeks before she died. Make it clear to your dad that you have had him and your late mum live with you for all that time becuase you wanted them with you and becuase they were there for you when you were a child, not becuase you want his money once he is gone - time is a great thing an who knows what will happen with your dad when he is with your son - im sure your dad will in time re think things and that you will come out a winner

Answer 2

For an obviously caring person you are making yourself sound like a money grabbing b*tch!

Perhaps at 92 your father has decided he wants to die in England, his wife, your mother, has just died after a long illness and perhaps, with his own mortality in mind, that has persuaded him to "go home".

Perhaps he has seem what the last five years has done to you and decided to give you a break.

Perhaps he is just so upset at loosing his lifelong companion he doesn't know what he is doing.

Whatever the reason, if you fight him you risk losing the love he has shown you throughout your life.

As regards your son, does it really bother you why he is doing it? if your father is happy there and is made welcome he may want to stay, if not he may want to return so why burn your bridges.From the sound of it your father made the first move not your son.

There is nothing to stop you keeping in contact so do so, you might just get a son back too.

I really don't think the money is an issue, it's more like a straw to clutch at because you have been hurt by his decision. Try to consider the reasons behind it rather than just your feelings.

Answer 3

This is a trying time for both of you. You should not care if he leaves you his money or not. It is his best interest and the love you have for each other that counts. He has made up his mind.
You say that your sn and his wife want only his money. Please reread what you are saying here. Do you not see, that you too want ONLY his MONEY???
At the end of the day, years from now after your father has died, you will see all that you are worried about is not important.
Please, I do not have my parents any more. I was not the best daughter and regret a lot. I have no way to call or see them to tell them how much I am sorry and just how much I love them.
Just love your dad and stop worrying about his money. Money does not buy love. When we love someone and they love us back is worth more than all the money in the world.

Answer 4

Although a lot can be done with it £15.000 not exactly a fortune in this day and age. I don't know any young couple that would sell their freedom (that's what it is at the end of the day) for the sake of this amount of money and have the worry of being responsible for a 92 yr old. Think you must give your son and wife benefit of the doubt. Again they may not understand what they are letting themselves in for and sadly end in disaster for all. My father
is 88 yrs, has about the same amount of money. I do a lot for him but he live 25 miles away. He has carers who come in to him, all excellent and the amount he has is to be divided between them, his 2 grandchildren and myself when anything happens to him. In actual fact although his money it is an account soley in my name. Legally it is therefore mine but what is my fathers wishes is what I'll do. I am an only child but I just think it is his generous nature that is wishing his money divided this way and I am sure he thinks no less of me. Don't let money spoil perhaps the last years you will have your dad.

Answer 5

it all sounds pretty sad but if you love your father like you say you do the first thing on your mind would not be receiving anything off him when he dies it should be concern for his wellbeing.your husband is right let him do what he wants after all he is old enough and respect what he wants to do you never know if it doesnt work out in the uk he could come back.and i dont think you should touch his money whether you nursed your mother or not that is his money not yours and he could have you done for theft do you want that.but what you have to ask yourself now is what do you think you have done for your father to want to do this after all you have done he obviously feels hurt by you for some reason and if you figure it out maybe you can try to sort it out.

Answer 6

I know the feeling, here in Belgium the rules are different and it's not allowed here to banning a child of heritage.
I took/take my father to court because he steals all my mothers money and possessions (antiques)with the help of my sister and brother(when she died 7 years ago) the case is still busy (courts are very slow and there's a lot of corruption here in Belgium) he also tries to steal my own money!So in fact I'm better off without family.I also looked after my mother because he didn't, He did not like to spent money for a better cure (Dystonia she had), now he spent it with other woman's(one time he had 3, a man in his late70's !) but yes he likes to spent with the credit card so all the woman's come of course.
And just before I married with my husband I had as wedding present dead treats of my father and brother in daylight in front of my house.My story is fit for TV , it gives all the corruption of government notary, false inventory and heritage.

Answer 7

I am sorry that this is happening to you only it is your fathers choice as far as his money goes maybe he is going to give them some money just ask him if he is ask him if you can have some if he says no then there is nothing you can do he must have his reasons for doing what he is doing if you think he is not thinking straight then you need to take legal advice for his own sake cause if he takes ill will your son then look after him there is a lot to think about legally and morally Good luck and take care

Answer 8

Well its sad that your father is treating u this way but maybe u did something to him to make him feel this way towards u...Your son probably is taking him in so that there is 1 more person against u especially since he doesnt get along well with u either. U may feel used but your father has right and reason for his actions ...u should ask yourself is it about money or did u take care of him out of the kindness of your heart? Maybe u should be more concerned with why he's leaving than why hes leaving u nothing

Answer 9

I agree with your husband, let him go. Who knows why your son has decided to take him in, it could be out of kindness or guilt but it could also be money, it's anyones guess. You may be hurt but don't lower yourself by taking any money from your father's account, not only is it morally wrong but you could get into trouble. Try not to let this trouble you because if your son is doing this for the money, no good will come of it.

Answer 10

Let it go. It's only money. The better you act now the more likely he is to see the decent person you are. It's not worth losing touch with family over money. Why don't you try and build some bridges with your son too. If he gets the money try and be happy for him and take comfort from the fact that you cared for your mum for love not money. Sounds like you want financial reward. I understand the hurt but the time is more precious than any money.