How do we get her mum to take her to school?

Question

My partner's ex doesn't always taking their daughter to school. We've already tried custody etc.. but unfortunately social services still back the mother despite numerous allergations which I won't go into. We've been trying to keep things as polite as possible otherwise she stops contact but this is becoming an issue. The school have apparently warned her regarding this but she thinks it's a big joke, she get's her daughter (she's only 5) to say she has earache or such to explain absences because in her own words she couldn't get up or had a hangover. She quite ofen takes her to college with her if she knows she can't get home in time to pick her up. Any advise on what we can do? She says that she has years left to worry about school....

Last year the school said they couldn't get involved because it was the pre school year so was no legal obligation (she had 60% attendance). We've left several messages for the head teacher since christmas but she hasn't returned our calls.

By last year I meant last school year, she's now in year 1 so should be some legal thing, i'm just not sure exactly what.

We spoke to the school today and although they say they back our case for custody they can't do anything their end as the mum is taking her most days although also most days she's in late, i.e. 10 - 11am.

Thanks for the responses, in answer to a few of the points:

Social services have been really unhelpful in the past and even made us feel like we were just trying to cause trouble.

We both work full time (that would change if we got custody) so we can't take her to school each day. Mum doesn't/has never worked, is part time in college as it increases her benefits. We have her at weekends so I take her on a Monday to ensure she's in one day!

She tells us she doesn't have breakfast as mummy either doesn't have time or doesn't have milk/bread. The teacher sometimes gives her fruit if she's hungry.

She normally finds a babysitter when she goes out. My partner wasn't too pleased when he found out she'd left her with a 13 year old overnight whilst she stayed at a boyfriends.

Answer 1

Phone the educational welfare officer at your local education offices....they will definatly sort it out.

Answer 2

Board of Social Services is not the one you need to contact in this matter. You need to contact Division of Youth and Family Services in your area and let them know what is going on. The child is 5 years old so I'm assuming she's in Kindergarten. Therefore if she is missing as many days as u say she is then it is the school's responsibility to do something about that. The mother can say that the child was sick all she wants without a doctor's note the absence is considered an unexcused absence. Tell your boyfriend to go back to court and get joint custody 1st. With Visitation rights. While your doing that continue to make the allegations to DYFS so that they can open up a case against her. Once the case is open then go back to court for sole custody. Also let DYFS know that she's leaving the child with minors overnight. But really start with joint custody 1st. And then prove ur case that she is unfit because she's not taking the child to school nor is she financially able to. GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Answer 3

First of all I say the little girl is very lucky to have you and her father in her life. You seem like you care alot about her and she's not your biological child. That's awesome!! I am a mother of 3 and I can't imagine how a mother can be so careless with her daughter's well-being, health, education, etc. I say keep trying!! Social Services will eventually see that you having custody is in the child's best interest. Good always conquers and you two obviously love this child very much and I wish you all the best!! Don't give up!!

Answer 4

First of all, start keeping a diary with everything to do with the child in it, like when she misses school, if she's late etc, this will help you if the case goes to court,
I don't know if your partner was married to his ex, if he was he's got more rights as in not only visitation but but regular staying over (at your partners place) contact. You could make sure that she stayed with him during the week or every other week so you could make sure she went to school. Or even if possible on the days that she's back late from college that one off you could pick the daughter up to make it easier.
Is his daughter happy with her mum? If not if , and she's of sound mind and quite grown up, she can choose before she's 13 were she wants to live, but i have to warn you it is a very difficult and long court case
One thing worries me....the hangovers etc... I'm a single mum and i know how difficult it is or even expensive to get a babysitter, does she drink regularly at home (if something happens to the child, she's drunk, etc....you get my drift)
I would keep this in the dairy too (anything to strengthen your case)
Go to a free session with a solicitor to find out more about your chances of full or joint custody,
And your local educational office can give you more info too
good luck

Answer 5

Possibly call the protective services in your area. The child would probably go to a foster home, till they could check out the best home, or, just have the dad petition the court for custody-with school attendance records to prove the attendance. Get the school to back you guys up on this, so when you do the petition, they can be a good source for a "witness". If you could prove the drinking situation, like pics of bottles galore (not planted) in her trash can. Or, does she have company over to "help" with the drinking? Maybe they could assist you, at least one, maybe. That would be a help as well. Take care.

Answer 6

Women like your partners daughter mum make me so angry, I am a single parent who had no support from their father although it was hard and as a parent to two teenagers and an 21 year old its still a constant worry only different issues.All i can say is keep at it don't give in and although difficult don't either of you let your disrespect and dislike for her Mum to cloud your judgement, whatever you know and feel to be right or wrong she is still that little girls mum and that little girl will love her unconditionally it can have such a negative result for his daughter if she is in a tug of war with her parents, although I say go through all the right channels do the best for her and her needs, don't be negative about Mum in her presence and careful with the questions you ask cause if her mum is half the person you describe her to be she will get enough negativity about you and your partner from her its a long road but that little girl won't stay little for long and she will start to work things out for herself if mum is negative and dad and yourself are positive she will make a choice of her own hopefully and you will end up with her in the end. be the ones who are honest and who talk to her let her have that trust and understanding with you two that she won't have at home she will know what to do and she will let you know and like I said in the mean time keep at the education and social services hope it all goes well .

Answer 7

You may never get her to toake her to school, but for a 5 year old this is a disgrace, the poor child has no stability and doesn't really know what is going on.
Are you in the UK? If so, so can report it to Social Services and will become a "Child Protection Issue", under the laws in this country every individual is responsible if they know of a child being abused or neglected, or what is called "failing to meet the needs of a child".
The school have to get involved if you push enough, or they are also failing the child.
An Emergency Protection Order can be put in place for the protection of this child. Good Luck.

Answer 8

It is in the best interest of the child to live with you and your partner. The mother is building a foundation that will stay with the child her whole life. On top of depriving the child of her early education and her people skills she is teaching the child to lie on her behalf. you have to wonder what else she is teaching the child to lie about.
It is the schools responsibility to report the absences...excused or not. A child can be retained after a certain number of absences, and the parent is held accountable.
If you love this child fight for her...don't leave her with a parent that so obviously neglects her in the present, in a way that will negatively affect her future. Ask yourself if mom is to tired to get up, or is to hung over...who is feeding and caring for this child? She is 5...is she making her own breakfast, lunch...it sounds like there is far more neglect going on then just missing school.
A child needs a loving home with loving parents that encourage there dreams and future.

Answer 9

The school,should have already been looking into her poor attendance and brought the mother in about it. Unless dad has parental responsibilities the school do not have to inform dad im afraid. (i work in a primary school) Were in a similar situation with the blackmail. Weve even had my step child live with us for over a year and was told by health workers and social services that unless he comes to us with bruises or is under weight there is nothing that will be done. Makes me so mad they we may have to wait till then to act. Abuse doesnt have to be physical but mentally is just as bad dont you think. Its just a case of letting the child find out for themselves and in the mean time fill their lives with memories and love and make them feel safe. Its very frustrating and ive even suffered depression through it but now i refuse to let it take over my life. Youve only another 13 years of it!

Answer 10

The balls in her court.....however very sad for your partners daughter.

There are two different ways to look at this, if she continues to keep her out of school, it could rule in your favor.....
document and keep a record.
If you choose to try and get custody again.....points in your favor.

However it isn't fair that your daughter is hurting from missing school and yes it will effect her later....Contact the school and ask them what you can do or contact social services.

Some states have laws, after 3 misses a note from the doctor, or even truancy? I don't know it that would effect her age group thought.

Best wishes....don't give up....sounds like she needs you.

Answer 11

I have no answer for you but my heart goes out to the little girl. Other kids will joke about her always being late and may even exclude her. By the sounds of what your are saying, the little girl is suffering or will suffer in other ways. Apart from the fact that the mother (who is in college??) is setting a very bad example as to the importance of schooling and education, she is teaching her child to deceive. Keep trying to improve the situation.