Bf tried to break up with me bc he loved me, now we're staying together but no phone calls. What should I do?

Question

My bf tried to break up with me. His reasons are that he's not good enough and that we need to grow. I said, if you didn't love me anymore, would you be able to tell me that? He said, "yes." I said that in that case, since you still love me, I think we should compromise. He said things have gone wrong and he is in a bad situation right now, so not in a situation now such that he is able to compromise. I said, will you later be in such a situation? He said he doesn't know. I asked, how have things gone wrong? He said, he is not earning a proper income, he doesn't have a proper steady job, he is not leading a proper decent life. He said, it is better for me that we break up, because I don't get anything good out of dating him, I don't gain anything from the relationship. I told him angrily that is not true! I said, I can give him time to do anything he likes, to get his act together, but we don't need to break up. He said is not in a position to be dating any woman right now

I said, the reason I propose a compromise is because you say you still love me. I said, I understand your opinion, but do you understand my feelings? He said, "yes." I said, I think you are being mean to me. He laughed and said, "Why? Are you angry with me? I said, "Yes." He said, why don't we go back to being friends? I asked, does that mean we break up? He said, it means we'd be friends. I said, how can you rather be friends with me if you still love me? He said, for the reasons I have already given. I said, I still love Ogi romantically, so I don't know if I could be friends. Then I added, well, I could be friends, but it would be tough and hard on me. He said, well then how about breaking up in a week? I said, well thats better than breaking up now, but no, I'd rather wait a month to see what happens. Regarding an open relationship as a compromise, he said he doesn't think it is a good idea to be dating several people at once. I protested: "Ogi, it was you who

suggested that I date someone else in New York at the same time that I date you in Japan!" He said, that kind of thing is bad so he doesn't want to do it. Then I suggested decreasing phone calls, or not having any phone calls at all. I said "I remember a month ago when you brought up breaking up, you said "if we don't break up why don't we decrease the phone calls," so I realized that you didn't like talking on the phone." He said rather than doing something halfway/unfinished, it is better to break up neatly. I said, in this world it is not the case that half way things are always bad. He said, "Okay, I understand." I said, "Did you just say "Okay, I understand"?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Okay, so the result is that we don't break up." He said, "Yes, and no phone calls, just e-mails [that's the compromise]." I said, "Thank you, Ogi." He said, "Good night," paused, and then said, "I'm going to hang up now?" I said, "Can you say you love me one more time?" He said, "I love

you." I said, "I love you too so much." He laughed good naturedly and then said, "Good night." I said, "Good night." He said, "Good night," and hung up.

Answer 1

Actions speak louder than words. If he is not showing you any action of sincerity, his words are meaningless. You have a ghost relationship.... so I think you would be wise in moving along. Heck, you'll probably met someone else and be married with 3 kids before your current bf even notices.

Answer 2

No know what, I think it is time for you to find a new man. You desire someone better. There are compromises in a relationship, like I will watch football on sundays and not throughout the week. But, limiting the way you communicate to each other is ridiculous. Trust me when I say this, you are worth a whole lot more than trying to provide to a guy that you love him. A guy needs to prove that he loves you.

Answer 3

Sweety, he wants out of the relationship but doesnt want to hurt you. Its the cold hard truth and i hate to be the one to tell you this, but the sooner you face it, the faster you will be able to move on and find a fulfilling relationship. Its a bunch of excuses that he used for not wanting to be in a relationship with you at this time. The excuses make him a weak man, and although he may care for you, he should have simply broke it off instead of leaving you hanging on to false hope.
I am truly sorry to have to tell in such a blunt way, but i have been there. The best thing for you to do, is not allow your ego to get involved and attempt to keep him when he doesnt want to be there.
The ego is a bad thing when you feel as if you are being let down. Dont let it worry you. Its his loss if he doesnt want to be with you. You seem to be one of compromise and resolution, however, this time it simply wont work in your favor. You deserve much better and I have a feeling you will find
the "one" you have always looked for soon. Good luck to you hun and dont let this or him get you down. You move on and let him regret ever losing you. :)

Answer 4

Girl-this is going to sting, but it will save you a lot of time. I went through the same thing. He wants to dump you. He just doesn't want to hurt you in the process. Lame I know, and contradictory. He doesn't feel the same way you do, but he thinks that if he doesn't come out and say it, he won't be at fault for hurting your feelings.

Basically, he doesn't have the balls to come out and say he's not in love with you anymore. If he really loved you, none of those petty things would get in the way, and he wouldn't want to break up with you. He's agreeing to any of the time that you give him, so long as the end result is---he breaks up with you.

Time to move on, and start dating some other people.

Answer 5

I think you should stay your course, and no relationship is worth saving if one or the other is insecure about himself, and the relationship. I am in no position to tell people what to do you seem like you know what to do, and you already have the answer, but I wouldn't stay in a relationship that my partner was insecure about it, and leading me on; not to mention if she didn't have a true meaning of love just uses the word as a security blanket; use your own judgment.

Answer 6

he doesn't love you like he probebly would say, he's just trying to get rid of you in a nice way . and if that is not the case then, and what you said about how he thiks about you is true , then you need a realy serious talk with him and to tell the complete truth.
good luck!

Answer 7

Forget every single reason he gave you, and forget every answer that he gave to your questions -- because every single reason, and every single answer, was a justification for breaking up with you.

He could give three hundred reasons, and you could debate him out of each and every one, but he still wants to break up with you. So, you know what? Let him. Get another guy. Seriously. move on.

Answer 8

I also believe you should both sit down and talk it out because he sounds insecure. He knows that you love him so I don't know if he's having second thoughts or if somebody is puttin it in his head that he's not good enough. Just talk to him

Answer 9

Sounds like he doesn't want to be with you romantically, but your just not getting the picture. What's it going to take for you to get it? He wants to break up, but your just not understanding he does NOT want to be with you. Just move on!!! How dense could you be?

Answer 10

Tell him he is right and that he will never be able to date a women, because he can't tell the truth.