my girlfriend gets mad because i get my kids all the time?

Question

OK,

I have a girlfriend of few years and two kids with my EX,Well my girlfriend gets made at me when my Ex ask if i want the kids for the weekend.

I basically have my children 4 days a week.Well i try to make plans with my girlfriend and she isnt a planner she is more like we will see...Well she gets very upset that my ex ask me if i want the girls (because its court order every other weekend).my girlfriend says she is so tired of my Ex taking advantage of me.(I dont see it as taking advantage i see it as being with my children,The more time the better).

I see my girlfriend all the time and she works most weekends,I almost feel like she is jelouse of my Ex and i get the feeling she thinks i do it just to be nice to my EX. I asked my girlfriend what if
my EX died or something bad happen to where i had my girls 24/7
she just said i dont know...

I sometimes wonder if it would be best to just let her go,becasue she wants kids of her own,But we dont think she can.

Answer 1

I have every sympathy for your predicament. I married in haste and soon had three children. The marriage became one of simple convenience after a few years, but we plodded on.

I then met the girl of my dreams - the one I believed to be my true soulmate. She asked me to leave my wife and move in with her.

I loved her, but I loved my kids also. I, too, was offered them every weekend after my wife and I separated. I loved spending time with them and now realise I was perhaps a little selfish. My love and I had no time together at weekends and worked hard during the week. The arguments starts and got worse - the arguments always came back to the kids.

It drove us apart six months afterwards. That was fifteen years ago. I have never met anyone else to compare to my lover, but do not regret for a moment the magic times I spent with my kids.

As I said, tough decision for you, old mate

Answer 2

This is so common! Especially when she has never been a parent, and has never felt those feelings!! You can try and understand that? She is very insecure, but you must not be helping out the situation either. Why haven't your girls warmed up to her? Would be nice if their was a bonding between your gf and your kids! That would help a lot if she felt included! Plus when the girls weren't around, you could treat her extra special and make up for the time you missed for when the girls were there. You two need to communicate more. Your ex is interfering a bit. Maybe if you reversed the situation, and see how you would feel, my help you see how she feels. I think it's great your spending all this time with your kids, but you need to have a life too. The thing is, when you met this girl, you were a weekend dad, now your turning into a full time kinda dad. Kind of see whats going on. I think your gonna run into with most anyone, if the so called rules aren't set down first. Good luck!

Answer 3

Good for you, spend all the time you can with your kids. It's not your ex she's jealous of , it's the kids. You put them first and that is the way it should be.
Sit down and have a talk with your girlfriend. Explain that want them whenever you can. If you and girlfriend have already made plans that's different and a firm I'm sorry I've made plans that can't be changed.
I wish you all the luck in the world. A lot of woman would be so impressed that you "take" your kids whenever you can. Keep up the good parenting.
If your girlfriend is uncertain about the kids living with you if a death occurred or sickness than I think that tells it all doesn't it?

Answer 4

GET A NEW GIRLFRIEND if she loves you she would love those girls my ex had a son and i would have done anything for that kid because he was a part of my ex and if she new you had children then she should have left you alone if she didn't want a man with kids but if i were u i would find someone else you you love you kids and are a good dad that is a few points for you when looking for a new women

Answer 5

Always dangerous for a person to put themselves up against someone's children. She somehow doesn't know that she will lose.
It is possible that your ex is taking advantage of you, but it is also possible that you and your ex know how much you love time with your children. (Yay for YOU!) When I felt my ex-husband might be trying to control my time, I set up what I called "the right of first refusal," meaning that he would call me first if he had something come up that would interfere with his having the kids during his time (we have shared custody) but it also gave me the opportunity to say that I already had plans, so could he try to find a babysitter first.

As for your girlfriend: no one should expect a parent to put anyone above the children, and she is going to lose you if this keeps up. Only you know if your ex is being manipulative, but if this arrangement works well for you, your ex and your daughters, I am afraid your girlfriend is out of line. Does she make it uncomfortable for your girls when they are visiting? That would definitely be a reason to wonder if she fits in with your lifestyle.

Good luck. You sound like a good dad.

Answer 6

Your girlfriend needs to understand that when she dates a man with children, then children are part of the package - whether or not the children are with him full-time. If she has a problem with you spending time with your kids - whether for one day or 7, then that should be a red flag. Your kids were your kids before she was your girlfriend. These are children here - they should be most important to you in your life. If your girlfriend has a problem with that, then I would question whether you want her in your life or not - even though you've been with her awhile. I am divorced with 2 kids, and my fiance, a man with 2 kids of his own, knew from the get-go that my kids were part of the package. My kids have some emotional baggage due to things in my marriage that were harmful to them, and my fiance still wants to marry me and he understands that my kids' needs have to come above anything else. I also understand when on weekends, basically the only real time I have with him, that he will be spending a lot of time at his children's sporting events because he too values his children above all else. Your girlfriend has the wrong attitude. You have the right one.

Answer 7

You really know the answer to this you just need to hear it from someone else. Your children should come first! If your girlfriend really loved you she would respect your decisions in getting your children. It doesn't matter if your x-wife asks you to watch the kids or not. You love your children and want to spend all the time you can with them and she should love you even more for that . I had a boyfriend one time that let my x come between our relationship. You have to communicate with your x's. My husband now loves my son and even get's along with my x. You need to tell her what's on your mind and if she gives you the I don't know answer then it's time to let her go. You need someone who will love you, your kids, and respect the fact that you are not helping out your x you're only loving your children! Good luck and I hope you the best!

Answer 8

Good for you for continuing to be an important part of your kids' lives and trying to maintain a positive relationship with your ex. It sounds like your girlfriend is not mature enough to understand the importance of your relationship with your children. I married a guy with a child from a prior marriage and I would never try to foster a bad relationship with the ex or get between him and his daughter. In the long run it has worked out great. I'm sorry to say I would cut her loose.

Answer 9

Well, I can sympithize with you as I am in a similar situation. My wife always complained about that too, but we've gotten over that. There are two things that both of you have got to understand. She excpects to be first in you life, and you, being a good father, would hold you children first. There gonna have to be compromise there and in order for that to happen, you GF is gonna have to understand that you are seeing you CHILDREN, not your ex. Once she understand that, then maybe things will get better. Good luck.

Answer 10

It doesn't sound like she's jealous of you ex, sounds more like she's jealous of your kids and the time they take away from her. If she can't accept your children, why would you want to continue dating her? Love for another woman, or your kids? Obvious choice... your kids. What if you two were to get married, have a child or 2 of your own, but you kids are still in the picture; will she still accept them?? Probably not. I've had it happen to me. But I lived with my mom full time and her bf at the time didn't accept me and wanted to ship me to boarding school. Just be careful.