Can't live without him. But how do I cope?

Question

I'm totally in love. But I have an extremely emotional and protective boyfriend. I don't know what to do. He's my life. My everything. I love him. I really do. But he seems to get upset about the smallest things. Like when I let go of his hand. And he gets really jealous if I smile at a stranger? But I always thought I was just being polite and nice.
I can't live without him. He's my life. But what am I supposed to do if he gets upset about nearly every little thing? We've discussed this and he tells me he's trying to become stronger, he just needs time. But I don't want him to get upset over it too much. It really hurts me to see him upset. and if it's often it's really pants!
I guess I'm looking for a couple of things to say to him to help him out deal with his emotions.

Answer 1

Honey, you cant believe everything on them talk shows. But as for your boyfriend, well apparently he has been hurt really bad in past and is somewhat insecure. He is afraid of getting hurt again, what you need to do is to continue to show him that you love him and that he is your everything. So him a little more right now. If you smile at a stranger make sure that you smile at both male and female strangers, it could be that he is only seeing you smile at the opposite sex of you. Believe it or not, men are insecure little creatures, who some have mastered putting up a pretty strong front. I wish you the best, and just let him know that the jealousy will push you away, because jealousy is a sign of not trusting you. Let him know that he can trust you and show him that you can, and also let him know that you are not whoever it was in his past that hurt him and maybe you need to give him the time to get completely over that hurt. Sounds like he isnt over that hurt yet. Be strong if you want to stand by him and stand your ground. If you go out with your friends and you tell him that you will call at a certain time, then do it no matter what is going on so that he can see that you are able to be trusted and that he should trust you. Send him text messages during the day and let him know that you love him and see a change take place, even though this change will not take place over night. You just got to be strong and put your faith in the Lord.

Answer 2

There are different types of abuse. Some verbal, some emotional, some mental. It's likely that when you talk to her that you and her fall into the same pattern and fight the exact same way. You have to make a choice, either you are going to have a relationship with her or you're not. Either way you have to let go of the pain and hurt you feel and forgive her in your heart. If you decide you are going to have a relationship with her then you must realize a couple of things. For one, she is not going to change, she's too old, too set in her ways and probably hurt herself. Don't even try. Second, she believes in her own mind that she's right and justified. If you want to have a relationship you simply have to "detach" yourself from her emotionally. Call her up, tell her how you're doing and ask about her life. She will definitly try to bring you to the same place you've always been. That's all she knows. She will definitly try to hurt you. You have to ignore it. If you still do love her tell her that. Don't try to change her because you can't, give it up. If this doesn't work and it hurts you more then helps you then consider her deceesed in your heart. Try then to remember any good times you had even if it was as a very small child. Remember her as some kind of loving mother and her bad side was somebody else somebody you don't know. Also, seek counciling from any religious orginization you go to or other social services.

Answer 3

Hi Rachelle.

Wow It must really be exhausting for you having to reasure him all the time. I think you should ask him if there was something in his past that you don't know about to have made him so very emotional, sometimes it stems from someones past. You need to let him know that it upsets you as well. By letting his had go doesn't mean you love him less or if you smile at someone it doesn't mean you are trying to flirt. You really need to have a big talk with him as I don't think he can work through it on his own .

I mean say if you married this guy can you live your whole life with him being jealous at every litrtle thing you say so someone or you smile at someone. It can destroy your reationship. You should at least find out what i mentiond above( maybe something happend in his past to make him feel the way he does). Wish you all the best. :)

Answer 4

This is a sad situation. Seems you both are inlove but he has some insecure issues. At first it is nice to be loved and cared for so much by someone, but after awhile the strain of him being too insecure can take its toll on the relationship. Get him to talk to you more about his feelings. Let him know of how serious this problem has become to you and that he really does have to seek some sort of help for his insecurities. Sounds as if you love him alot, so try to help him out with this. But if you see that he is not making a positive effort in getting help, then you do have to make a decision as to if this is how you wish to live. This will be very hard for him too, so give him a chance then see what happens. Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

In my experience with myself or my friends in this situation, things don't get a whole lot better. Some or most guys just have a hard time dealing with their insecurities. Maybe you could ask him what you could do (other than just wait while he takes the time he feels he needs) to make him trust you totally. Maybe you could point out that the person you smiled at may have been having a really bad day and that you may have made it a little bit better. Ask him why he feels the way he does. If he has a hard time talking about it, like most guys do, then just keep asking until you bring it out. I feel bad for guys like that. But I kind of feel for you too because this is part of the package deal that came with him and you will most likely have to deal with it until you can't take it anymore.

Answer 6

Wow. He sounds like he has some control/insecurity issues. As for you, you sound like a needy person. This is not a normal or healthy relationship in any way. I don't know how long you two have been together, but if he continues down this path, I bet he will become abusive at some point. I also don't know your ages, so it could also be immaturity. If you're old enough, I would suggest professional counseling. You both could use it. There is probably no way to get him to change without making him angry for even bringing it up, so I would give him an ultimatum that he needs to act normal or you'll break it off. This is not worth it. This sounds like a childish attachment more than true love. If a girl treated me like that, I would drop her in a heartbeat. Be strong!

Answer 7

Sounds like this will not lead you down a nice road. Loving somebody is accepting them for who they are. Why should you not smile at a stranger, or do what you feel like. He sounds more controlling than loving and understanding. Maybe you don't notice this now because you are the one in the relationship and can't see it from another person's point of view, but if he keeps that up you will feel trapped in the long run. Don't loose your identity in this guy. Isn't he with you for you? Or is he with you to change you and to give himself security? Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe he needs to talk to a therapist to get passed his emotional problems. Life has so much more to offer you than to be living it worrying about your every move. It will end up destroying your self worth if you keep falling to his jealousy. It's not love, it's possessiveness. Tell him that you feel like he is trying to control you. Tell him that it's a turn on for him to feel secure of the relationship. Good Luck

Answer 8

There's a word for this sort of relationship: co-dependent. And it's unhealthly.
Love doesn't mean you have to be plastered together each second of every day, to the exclusion of everything and everyone else in the world. That's being possessive and needy, not loving. A strong love can exists while you two are apart, and grows deeper as you both seek a varied and fulfilling life (which requires positive interactions with strangers).
I think his emotional needs are beyond your ability to fulfill. He needs mental help - urge him to seek a therapist immediately. his doctor can recommend one. You could also offer to go to couples counseling with him, so the two of you can learn to express your love in a healthy, mutually satisfying way, without hurting or drowning the other.
good luck!

Answer 9

I wish I could help you but you won't like what I have to say. I was in a very simular relationship with a guy for 5 years and he never changed. He ended up being extremley manipulative and ruining my entire high school life. My biggest regret is that I believed he would change and staid with him for the sake of love. I really truly believed I loved him but looking back now (8 years later)It wasn't so much love as enfatuation.

I hope you can tell the difference and I hope for your case he changes. But don't wait too long. It only gets worse.

Answer 10

That can be very scary. Do you believe he will change? If you don't, then he probably won't-I would break up with him. But you love him so you have to make a decision-if he doesn't change, can you share the rest of your life with him? Finding someone you love is about finding someone that makes you happy, and that you make happy in return. Just slow down a little, stop rushing into things, you have until you are married (divorces aren't happy) to make this decision, calm down and if he does propose, and you say yes, you should say that you'd like to go through counseling before the wedding. -It doesn't seem like he trusts you at all.
Good Luck!!!!
Be Careful!!!