My fiance and I have been planning our destination wedding for months now and have already sent out the invites, after the invitations went out his aunt called us to tell us (not ask) that his cousin will be getting married there as well,his entire family sees noproblem with this. We have tried talking to them voicing our concerns but they end up angry and not talking, are we being selfish here?
2007-01-24 08:59:44 · 34 answers · asked by Cold In Canada 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I can see where you are coming from. I would be angry initially. But you will have people coming to your wedding and will already be there for the other one. That's actually considerate for everyone who's going to be a guest, they might not be able to afford the time and money to fly out somewhere more than once a year for special occasions. This way, they are able to go to both weddings. You will probably even have people there who might not show up for one wedding or another, but since there is two to celebrate, they will make the effort to come. It is going to be a lot more convienient for people who would be guests at two weddings close together, but different times and places.
But it is stepping on your toes. You should have been asked if you thought it was okay before they went ahead with those plans.
Your cousin probably asked your husband's family what they thought about having their wedding at the same time and place as yours. They probably responded something like "That would be great, then we could go to both!"
You can't not allow them to get married there. If you make a big deal about it, you are going to make yourself the bad guy. So all you can do is behave gracefully. You don't want to be off to a bad start with your new family.
Let them know that they caught you off guard. You've been planning your big day for months, and you were expecting to be the person everyone was coming to see. You weren't prepared for sharing.
Then ask for certain stipulations. Your wedding was planned first, so your wedding ceremony should be before theirs - on a different day. Plus any other things you might think of that you feel might be copying you too much. Tell the cousin and the family that as long as they do or don't do (this), you will be okay with it.
Then personally, I would have my wedding ceremony and get the heck out of there on my way to my honeymoon, so I wouldn't have to be a guest at someone else's wedding a couple days after my own.
2007-01-24 09:48:02 · answer #1 · answered by sorcergeek 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How close together would the weddings be?
They see no problem because as long as it isn't the same day, there really isn't a problem.
Who's to say they haven't had this in their minds for a long time too. Is it fair to them to have to change their dream because you got the invites out first?
That DOES comes across as being a bit selfish.
You have no right to dictate when and where someone else may or may not get married. They certainly don't need to ask.
Now - - if they are talking about a joint wedding - then you can voice an opinion. They can't force that on you, all you need to say is that you aren't open to a joint wedding, but you will work with them to make this work for both couples. Perhaps whoever had money down first keeps the day, the other switches it to the day before/after.
But if they are just talking about the same time frame - within a week or so - try to work with them so that you aren't in competition and your guests won't be having to make a travel choice.
There is a compromise here that is fair to BOTH. It may even work out to your guests benefit - two birds with one stone and all that.
Please don't be a Bridezilla. This day isn't about YOU - it's about sharing your vows with OTHERS that you love.
2007-01-24 09:05:26 · answer #2 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess I have a few questions. Are they piggybacking onto your wedding to save cost? In otherwords, planning it on the same day/weekend? If so, do you get along with your cousin? Is it really a problem if it is easier on your family to make one trip? Have they already sent our their invites?
These are all questions you have to ask yourself and answer truthfully. I would have a problem if they are doing it to save money, but not offering to help with the expense that you are bearing if you have to (for instance) pay for people to come to the destination, or airfare, hotel, car rental type things.
The other thing you have to think about is that yes, it is your day. If they are doing it on the same day, you may lose the attention with a shared wedding. Just remember that you are still important on your most important day and try to enjoy it regardless of the outcome.
Good luck.
Anger shouldn't enter the picture, but try to rationally approach the situation.
2007-01-24 09:18:09 · answer #3 · answered by H S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are they getting married the same time you are? Kin of the same thing happened to me when my husband and I got married. His cousin wanted to get married the same day as us and there was no way of talking his cousin out of getting married a different day so we ended up having both weddings the same day and actually everyone was able to make both weddings, so it worked out in the end. And besides, its all about you two on that day anyway. Its probably too late to change anything since your invites are out so just enjoy it and enjoy getting married!
2007-01-24 09:12:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not selfish! That is a legitimate concern! If they are planning on using the same location, but at a different time, that's all right. If they're using your plans as the way to have their wedding, that's wrong.
Talk to the cousin and let him know it upsets you! If they won't deal with your concerns, elope!
2007-01-24 09:08:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you mean the same day, like a joint wedding? If so, no...you are not being selfish at all! Its your day and you shouldn't have to give that up.
But, if you mean they are getting married there, on a different date then what's the big deal? I would be happy about getting to go back to where you were married and relive the day all over again!
2007-01-24 09:07:54 · answer #6 · answered by Hillary1034 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand the problem. Are they getting married at the same time/day as you? If not you have no problem! People can choose to get married anywhere they want, and there is nothing you can do if they chose the same place as you. Remember, copying is a form of a compliment. Now if you're talking the same day and time, that's something different! Guess your family will have to choose which one to go to!
2007-01-24 09:07:33 · answer #7 · answered by wish I were 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would find out if both weddings are going expected to be held together or not. If the weddings are on two different days. I wouldn't worry. It will just save the family money and travel time. But if they expect both weddings to be held together than I would voice my concerns. Every bride wants her own special day.
2007-01-24 09:06:03 · answer #8 · answered by Sexie Gal 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if the cousin is getting married there too, it must be a good place. Don't worry about it, the invites are out and everything is set up for you.
2007-01-24 09:05:01 · answer #9 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think they should have discussed it with you. You have obviously put a lot of though into making ur day special and unique and now they have taken that away from u.
Nothing anyone can say will change ur feelings on this. U are hurt and upset and I totally understand. I would be too. Just try and not let it ruin YOUR day.
2007-01-24 12:06:01 · answer #10 · answered by jenifajen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋