how to break the news?

Question

How do I tell my parents about my cutting so that they'll understand me, not be angry, get me help, and not be frightened or disgusted by this behavior? How can I make them understand why I do this and why I want to stop and need their help? I don't want to seem as though it's their fault or that I'm a hopeless case, or crazy and need to be locked up, and I don't want to shame them and my family by having people find out.

Answer 1

It's great that you are going to talk to your parents and that you want to think out what you are going to say before you say it. I can help you with some suggestions on how to approach them. First of all find a time when they are not busy and are not in a bad mood. Sit down with them and tell them that you have something going on in your life and that you want to share it with them and get their advice. Say to them that you have always felt comfortable talking to them because you feel like you are not judged. And that you respect their view. This will set the atmosphere in a good way because it will tell them that you are serious about this issue and that you respect them which will make them feel good about themselves and their parenting.

Then I would tell them that you want to see a therapist because you have a mental disorder which causes you to cut yourself. Tell them that you want to get help because you know what you are doing is harming yourself and you don't want to do that anymore. Let them know that you don't feel suicidal or feel like you need to go to the hospital but you want your family doctor to refer you to a therapist that specializes in ADOLESCENT COUNSELING, or deals with adolescent issues. You can find a therapist in the phone book. If you dont' have a family doctor you probably don't need to be referred.

Let your parents know that you are worried and you are sad and you want to feel good again. I am going to post some information that you can show your parents, you can download the info or show them this posting. If you need anything else you can email me or add me to your yahoo messenger with your parents permission.

Answer 2

Hon i have looked up this problem and done some research.What i have found is that people who cut themselves feels as though they somehow need to be punished and they cut themselves to punish themselves...Now I know and others know that this is not the solution,but when you are a cutter you cannot realize this and everything that upsets you are anything that goes wrong you feel the need to punish yourself...It is a mental problem just like a chemical imbalance or a bipolar disease..No it is not your parents fault and its not your fault either.You need to seek help and if your parents can realize it is not something you want to do,then maybe they will understand .You are not crazy,and do not need to be locked up,but you need help.They might would think since you do cut yourself that you can stop by just not doing it,they do not realize the cutter has a problem and cannot help it..So you need to maybe print this out and show your parents.If you could get help for this,you can stop...Im sure you don,t want to hurt your parents,but it is better for them to know now and save you from harming yourself really bad..Good luck sweetie and yes your parents needs to know....

Answer 3

As the parent of two teenage daughters, the first thing you need to think about is the fact that your parents love you and they always want what is best for you. Don't worry about them being angry, or disgusted, or shamed. They will have some very strong feelings, but those will mostly be based upon loving you, hurting for what you have gone through and sincere worry for you. All of these feelings, are much more managable for your parents then what they would end up feeling later if you do not reach out to them now. So please, don't let that be your focus.

I am not sure you can make them understand why you do this, chances are good you really don't fully understand that yourself. But by reaching out to them, they will understand that you do want it to stop.

Just be honest with them, tell them what you are doing, that you know you need help and that you would like for them to help you get that help. If you can talk to them calmly the process will be a lot smoother for you. But even if you can't, it is still something that needs to be done. And it needs to be done now. If you are not sure what words to use, you could try just showing them this post and letting them know that you are the one that wrote it.

The more honest and open you can be with your parents, the better. It will make your chance of success much higher. You need to try to commit yourself to being totally transparent and honest with them. This will most likely be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life. But it is also the most necessary. By taking this step, you not only will get the help you need but you will take a step closer to adulthood. Taking responsibility for our own actions, and being able to admit when we need help is one of the hardest things we do in life. I am very proud of you for being willing to take that step now.

I wish you all the luck in the world. And just know, that no matter how they react when you do tell them, parents love their children. And we often love them even more when they need us the most. Good luck!

Answer 4

OK..if I were you , I would say something like this: Mom, dad...I want to tell you something because I trust you & I really need advice on what to do. I've been cutting myself for a while now & i really, really want to stop. Before you say anything, I want you to know that I don't blame you & this in no way is a reflection of how I was raised or the decisions you made for me. This is completely about me. I'm not crazy or hopeless. It's just an overwhelming urge to cut myself..I can't explain it & I don't expect you to understand. I just don't know how to get help.

Answer 5

I'd tell your Mum first maybe or whoever you are closest too. Most of all it is important to know that your parents love you and would want to know. They can't help what they don't know about. Tell them you need and want help. Be prepared to see a therapist or doctor as these are the qualified people to help you with your parent's support. Here is a site with some helpful tips for you http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html

Answer 6

Hi Politiker look for other questions on here that are similar print them out then show them over a few days of what the different questions people post on here about cutting and the different types of self inflicted wounds people do to them selves. Then tell them you know mom dad there are a lot of people out there that have a different forms of mental illness and it's caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and this chemical regulate moods, sleep, happiness. It's called serotonin, and there are people that they can't function or stop them selves from doing things to them selves.Then you can let them absorb this over a couple of days because I don't know how your parents would react so it's hard to say if your able to just blurt it out, with out your parents having a conniption. I don't know if this is a better aproach but you can tell your parents you just met a girl and your trying to help her out with this problem and print out what Brutalnerd has posted. Let them read it,then tell them people who have improper serotonin levels some times have what's called OCD it's short for obsessive compulsive disorder. They do things like constantly wash there hands like 20 or more times in a row or count side walk lines in multiples of 5 or 8 times then start over and if they miss a count then they have to back up where they missed and start over. Give them a day or two to absorb what it is your talking about. When you feel comfort able then may be go on www.youtube.com in the search box type things like depression,OCD sadness etc. see how your parents react. If your parents seeem to be taking it stride then say mom dad look there is no way for you to under stand and it's not a matter of just stoping.( I know this because it took me years to convince my mom that depression is really sever and I had to get really mad.) and I don't want to to try to under stand why but just accept what I say. Now remember about that girl I told you about what do you think of it.See what there reaction is then say look,It's not my fault okay and I really don't want to shame any one but it not shameful and I don't want you to blame your selves because no one is at fault well you remember that girl I told you about and you can't get mad because the only fault there is, is the serotonin fault nothing else don't try to under stand,don't be frightened and don't be disgusted because there is nothing to be disgusted about but I'm that girl looking for help. I know a girl going through it, it's a long road ahead of you also once you see a doctor ask the doctor about what's called trans cranial magnetic therapy this is suppose to work well when meds fail but there is a really long line up. I hope this helped you out I under stand what yor going through and you do need like minded people for support or people like me who under stand when no one else does.

Answer 7

wow honey...
first of all let me tell you that no matter how your parents react, you reaching out for help is a sigh of strength. any frightend reaction they give you is going to be a combonation of them feeling guilty for not knowing how sad ect. you are and them being afraind of losing someone they love.
i would explain it to them, tell them first the WHY them the WHAT (something along the lines of "i have been feeling depressed so on and so forth...as a result of the depression i have been cutting myself...)
i hope you are able to get the help you need

Answer 8

Do you have a close relative that you could confide in and that could be with you when you tell them? Sometimes this may help to make it easier. If not, just be brave and try to explain to them how you're feeling when you do this and that you want help for it.

Answer 9

As a parent I know that your parents love you more than you will ever know until one day you have kids. Please tell them. It doesn't matter how. Just tell them. Other people have given you some great advice...just tell them as soon as possible.

You are in my prayers sweetie.

Answer 10

Oh honey, please don't do that to yourself! Just go to your parents and tell them what you have been doing and to get you help RIGHT AWAY!! I would want my children to come right to me and tell me so I could get them help! I'm sure your parents will get you help right away but please tell them what is going on! PLEASE!!! Don't worry about people finding out it's between you and your parents and the health professionals that are waiting to help you! I will include you in my prayers!