What is she telling me?

Question

OK for those of you who are mature enough to answer this question please give me your best answers. I am 40 y/o and my female friend is 19. She has stayed at my place several nights as a friend, nothing more. I recently went on vacation out of state and she called me every night sometimes 4 or 5 times. We have recently found out she is pregnant too. She still calls me just to say hi, and wants to stay more nights with me. What is she telling me? What am I to do? I want to be a friend to her, nothing more and to help her out where and when I can, yet sometimes she leads me to believe that she wants more out of our relationship. I am not a sugardaddy, this she knows. Am I being too kind to her? I think she gets scared and comes running to me for comfort, I could be wrong too. Let me know what you think.

Answer 1

maybe she just wants a nice person around, but you should talk to her and check that that is it and if it isn't, let her know where you stand. good luck.

Answer 2

She may be looking for a sugar daddy, even if she doesn't know it. Being 19, pregnant and not comfortable in her own home is scary to her---which is probably why she's calling you all the time. Either that or she is manipulative, really WANTS you to be her sugar daddy and is trying to make you feel confused, important in her life, and end game, wants you to be by her side, foot the bills, but let her be (which means you could become godfather/babysitter in a few months). Hard to say...only you know her character.

And truly, a 19yr old pregnant girl does not need to be hanging out with a single 40 yr old man. It's highly suspect of both of you.

Answer 3

She obviously sees you as a father figure - someone who will look after her and take care of her.
Since there has been no sexual activity between, and you haven't hinted at any sexual vibes between, and especially since she has gotten pregnant by another man, her feelings for you are probably platonic. But that doesn't necessarily make her any less needy and dependant.
It's up to you how much you want to be involved in her life, as just a regular friend who helps her out now and then, or a father figure who looks after her regularly. Whatever you do, you should make your intentions clear to her... draw a clear line that there will be no hanky-panky between you, and the nature and extent of the financial/emotional support you are willing to give her. I would suggest that you "help her help herself," and encourage her to find proactive solutions to her problems (getting her own place, getting a job, supporting the baby, etc), but gently let her know that won't "bail her out," instead helping to become independent.

Answer 4

I am assuming you are not the dad with this response..... Yes I believe she is looking towards you as a type of "sugar daddy", someone she runs to when she needs something (i.e. companionship, money, place to stay, etc). My advise for you is to politely back away from her. She now has a baby she'll have to think about. And if you get involved with her, you will become the baby's daddy. Think about that. Maybe it's something you want. But I guarantee she is snugglin' up to you in hopes that you'll take care of her and the baby.

Answer 5

Older guys can be impressive to most guys speacially if they see good cualitites in them. I have been in a similar situation in the past except she was not pregnant. I had to state to her that i was her friend and that, that is all i was in our relationship. after a couple of weeks she came around my house telling me that she tought about it and she saw me more like a dad or a roll models of a man in her life and that she did feel atrackted to me for the way that i was but that it was something that she had to search for in guys her age. and that she did not wanted to loose our friendship. so if it helps i am no more to her than the older brother, dad, or bodyguard. I am just a friend that is alwasy there for her and she knows that. I just had to state to her where i stood in our relationship which was actually kinda hard i even felt foolish at the time for seeing myself in that dilema. I just saw her only as a friend and anything else did not feel right for me.

Answer 6

It's obvious she is lost and is somewhat unstable.
She is looking for security and stability.
Why is some female young enough to be your daughter such an interest to you if you are not wanting something romantic??
Is she family??

Her family should be helping her in whatever emotional or financial help she requires.
This sounds like a powder keg waiting to happen.

I'd stay away if I were you.

Answer 7

well, i'm assuming it's not you baby.. so the best thing for you to do is cut her off.
she sounds like she is looking for an older, wiser, more got his **** together man to fix her life and take care of her and her problems.. being nice is only going to make her want it more..so it'd be best to stop lending her the comfort. it's hard to stop being a friend, but being a friend doesn't necessarily mean taking care of her..
so be a friend in instances when she really needs it and lend the emotional support....but don't always be there for her.

Answer 8

She's 19, she's pregnant, she's needy. Sounds like drama that at your age, don't need to be placating to, especially if this isn't a romantic interest. Be friends, be nice, but steer clear of the drama.

Answer 9

she depends on you if she is proposing a serious relationship with you then you should tell her how you feel. Leading her on as comfort then she will get the wrong idea being to nice is bad because it leads to dependency

Answer 10

tuff situation!
first thing is how is her relationship with her father? You may be a father figure to her that she can turn to. Since she is So young and pregnant i would just look at it as that way and do what is best for you.

Answer 11

i think that you think right - she is in a tough spot and needs someone to take care of her. be honest and tell her that's not what you want - but then if you say that your actions have to match. don't let her stay over and use you as a crutch.