Is my mother being reasonable?

Question

I am a 17 year old girl. I am going to attend Oxford University in England next year. I am not abusing any drugs of any sorts. I am valdictorian of my class. I don't steal. I have a job. However, despite all of this, my mother wants to kick me out of the house. I may not have the perfect attitude, but that is because every time I start talking to her and acting nice, she turns around and says things in order to provoke me to be rude to her. For instance she will say things about my dad or abuot what a selfish ***** I am. My parents are getting divorced and my dad has moved out to Arizona (We were all supposed to move out to AZ, but my mother decided not to go after he had already moved). My mother doesn't want me to live with her because I come home and I go into my room and shut my door and ignore her. All teenagers do this though! I only ignore her because every time we talk, she yells at me. Is there some hidden psychological reason as to why she wants me out of the house?

I also want to add that I have a brother and a sister... neither of them ever talk to her. Also, they do nothing around the house, but I do do chores.Yet, she is only horrible to me.

Answer 1

Your mother may be going through a hard time because of the divorce. Has she always acted this way or has it been since the breakup. She may be taking it out on you and your siblings because she is frustrated, depressed, or hurting inside. People do weird things when they are under stress.

Try to honestly talk to your mom about how you feel. She may not listen to you, but at least you have tried. Refrain from getting ito an arguement with her and just comly tell her that you all need to rely on each other and that you love her. If she starts yelling or arguing, tell her that you do not want to fight with her and that if she ever needs to talk you will always be there for her. Right now, you need to be the adult. I am sure you are hurting over all of this too.

Answer 2

She's not being reasonable. Has she ever had therapy? How old is she? She might be going through meopause. My mother went through menopause when I was a teen and it was horrid. She also could be having a hard time dealing with the divorce and you leaving for college soon, even if shes trying to kick you out. She actually might be sad about it. Empty Nest syndrome. Plan a night out for the two of you, have a fun time then later on maybe the next day ask her a few questions about all this- tell her your being a average teen and suck it up and apologize for being distant or whatever it is that she thinks your doing...(even though you might be mad. Just give her the satisfaction and make her happy. ) Above all wait it out until college. Your life is going to move on and your going to have a great time at oxford. try to ignore her provoking you- the best thing I can tell you to do when she says things like that is look at her with a serious face and say "I love you mom". She will eventually stop if thats the only thing you give her.

Answer 3

" I come home and I go into my room and shut my door and ignore her."

Doesn't mean they should.

Family is important. Your complete inattention to her has probably caused her to believe family isn't important to you which means she isn't important to you. It also may make her think that you're taking your dads side in the divorce. Add to that you going to England next year (congrats by the way) and she has no idea how to behave or what to think. You're the oldest I bet. Which means your the first to leave the house. Which means she feels like she's losing you. Which is why she treats you differently. I also bet your mom isn't the best communicator so she's doing it all wrong. Take all that then factor in the divorce. She needs a little support here even if she doesn't ask for it.

Her entire world is changing and you spend all your time in your room. Think about that.

Find some family time. Have dinner together. Watch a show together. Do something together.

Answer 4

Sounds like your mom is going through a lot right now and is taking it out on you. Which isn't right. Why not write her a letter telling her you love her and wish that your family wasn't going through a divorce. Tell her that you want to try and change your relationship with her where the two of you can be close. don't be sarcastic and mean, just be as loving and as gently in the letter as possible. Looks like you're going to have to be the grown up in this situation and take the high road. If not don't worry about it, go live with your dad until you go to college. At least then you can say you tried and quit the attitude.

Answer 5

If you really want to stay there maybe you should try talking to her and find out her side of the story. sometimes we have trouble seeing our own faults. If the situation is as you say then maybe it would be better for you to move out. I dont think that anyone can really tell you why your mother is acting the way she is. When my finaces parents divorced his mother was evil to him also. I believe in her situation she needed someone to be the bad guy. In other words, she had been fighting w/ her husband so long she didnt know how to live w/o somone to be mad at, to blame for thing not being just how she would like them. I cant say thats what your mom is doing. I do think that you should ask your fathers advice b/c he probably knows her and you best.

in short the only advice i can give is to try and talk to your mother and find a way you can both live happily. If one or both of you can't find a way to live together, maybe its time to move on.

Answer 6

Wow...first, I have to say good job on Oxford and valdictorian, that's pretty cool. As for the situation with your mom, there could be a thousand "psychological" reasons that she wants you out of her house, and "reasonable" is really very dependent on the situation. I'm not a psychologist, and I know only what you wrote, but here is my best guess:

Your mom is under a lot of emotional stress and feeling very down herself. Divorce is hard, no matter who initiated it. She may feel that your silence is anger aimed at her for the divorce, or a preference by you for your father. She may provoke you because she see's you as "on his side". She may feel jealous of your accomplishments, or maybe she is already beginning to fear you leaving for England. Either way, I think it is way out of line for any mother to call her daughter a *****, and it's out of line for you to ignore her. And, no matter what her reasoning, you need to acknowledge that she is "feeling" something very intense. There are times in most of our lives when we have to open our eyes and see our parents as people, equal in emotion and fear and anger.

Not all teenagers lock themselves into their rooms and ignore their parents - that behavior is usually a sign of a bigger problem. For you, it is to avoid confrontation, and I don't blame you, but it is unhealthy and will only drive the two of you apart further.

Think about setting up a time to talk to your mom - tell her you would like to sit down and talk, and ask when a good time would be. If she isn't open for that, maybe you could write her a letter and let her know how you feel. That you are confused; that you feel unappreciated, that you wonder if she is proud of you for all you are. Try to find ways to communicate that won't be as prone to the emotional outbursts from either of you.

Whatever happens with your mom, keep on the track you are on. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, but sometimes parents get so wrapped up in themselves that they loose sight of the people that their kids are. Give her some slack and understanding.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I don't exactly know the reason but I go through the same thing with my step-mom. I love to read so when I get home from school I go into my room and shut my door so i have some privicy. She has constantly threatend to throw me out although my dad refuses to go along with the idea. I think the main thing is as my dad says is that they just might have a problem expressing how they feel so they strike out in anger. I don't know if this helped but if you find any solid answers please let me know I would appreciate it.

Answer 8

Just pass the time until you go to college. This is probably her way of dealing with the fact that your dad left and now you're going to move all the way to England. She feels abandonded and is lashing out at you as a way to deal with it. Just try to give her support. She really just wants your love. Spend an evening or two with her watching TV, eat dinner with her a few times a week. I know it's not what you want to do but it will make your lilfe easier. Be bigger and better than your siblings, don't desert your mother.

Answer 9

I think she sees your going to university as one more betrayal, I am not telling you to forgive her, as she needs help but it needs to come from a professional, this is not your problem, you didn't create it not can you fix it, if there is any way you can get a place away from her grab it, perhaps you can go and stay with your dad, Your mother is going through a rough time, but it is not your fault, so if you can leave do so with out feeling guilty. She wants to blame some one and right now your are it,with help she can and will see her part in all this mess,

Answer 10

My mom and I never got along but she never tried to kick me out. Sounds like your mom is being unreasonable about something. Maybe if you sit down and talk to her she will finally realize that you want to understand her and what is making her so upset. I know having to sit down and talk to someone that belittles you isnt fun, my mom still does it to me and Im married with 2 kids of my own, but maybe thats what both of you need. A little one on one time alone.
If that doesnt work then maybe you do need to get out of there for your sanity anyways.
Good Luck!!