My boyfriend (age 29) and I (age 26) have been dating for a year and seven months. Our relationship is wonderful! We get along incredibly well and we discuss our emotions openly. He is a warm, caring man.
I often ponder our future together. I don't expect a strong committment at this moment; I am happy with our current state. Yet, I find it comforting to know that the man I love feels that we "could" have a future together, be it just cohabiting for a long time or actual marriage.
The only thing that really worries me is that he says "He doesn't
know if he's thinking at all about a really long relationship, relatively" and "in order to feel good he needs to cultivate a certain "open ended" kind of philosophy".
These words sting me. I think it is natural to let the dating cycle take it's course until you find "the right one", but I also think it's healthy to be on the same page.
Am I wrong to be concerned with his feelings? It makes me feel used in a way.
2007-01-24 07:51:41 · 12 answers · asked by delirium cornucopia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You guys are not on the same page... it's okay if you are looking for commitment and marriage, and he's not... and it's good that you're discovering it... he's not using you, he may love being with you... you should keep yourself open to dating other guys so that you can find the man that wants what you want... commitment... you're not married to him so you're a free gal... find happiness!
2007-01-24 08:00:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been through this, please do not waste too much time. I spent almost 3 years in the same limbo situation. We got along great and we loved each other dearly but in the end, just as I had suspected, he was not ready or willing to take the next step forward. It was very hard for both of us. We both avoided discussing our long-term plans earlier in the relationship because we wanted it to be carefree and perfect forever, but that's not how it works and eventually you grow apart from being in the same place for so long and never moving forward. I really hope that helps.
2007-01-24 08:07:29 · answer #2 · answered by girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds nice, but he obviously wants a more liberal approach to the relationship. He wants the cake and eat it too. For him, who doesn't? Cake is good. For you, sounding like you like more of the long term commitment (married or not.) This relationship can work as long as you do not pressure him, but how can you not after a few more months, years, etc.? If you feel used, do not discount those feelings. Listen to your concerns and your instinct. They are talking to you for a reason. This could be a long road - and sadly, going in a direction you are not too thrilled about. Good luck.
2007-01-24 07:58:55 · answer #3 · answered by RunsWithKnife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, you have been dating for over 1 year and a half!!! You are wasting your time on him if he is still talking about "open-ended" relationships. Personally I would feel not only used, but cheated too. Get out before your life passes you by!
2007-01-24 08:00:08 · answer #4 · answered by leahivan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Makes me concerned just reading your words.... sorry to say I think he is feeding you a lot of jibberish, either learned from parents or influenced by some book he has read... but, I can say this for sure, he is NOT ready at this point for commitment, and it all boils down to YOU and what you want.... are YOU willing to stand up for and in this relationship with the HOPE or DREAM he will *someday* feel as you do ?????? God bless
2007-01-24 07:58:36 · answer #5 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After over one and a half years, he should have an idea, you both should, if you could see each other spending the rest of your lives together. I would give him an ultimatum, otherwise it sounds like you may be missing out on the other good ones out there.
2007-01-24 07:56:10 · answer #6 · answered by Valerie S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How frustrating! I think he is just scard of the long haul "commitment" right now. If you enjoy his company (and it sounds like you do), I would just hang out with him & enjoy your times togther. I think over a period of time he will come to realize what a great thing you have going & talk of a possible future togther.
2007-01-24 07:59:41 · answer #7 · answered by char v 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl...you are not alone..my guy and i too get along well..we love each other..but at the same time i want to know that what we have we are woking together to builld a future..well he said that he wants to be with me forever..but i know that i am not pressuring him about marriage or anything...let it take it course..enjoy what you guys have right now..and again at a later time bring up the topic..see where he stands..i wouldnt advise you to leave him..espically if he treats you right
2007-01-24 08:05:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
typical ,he is speaking about future all night ,y want more he has all he wants .once a guy gets sex ,its over u have nothing to offer more for marriage
2007-01-24 07:56:59 · answer #9 · answered by reifguy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be with a man you can't dream with. You'll end up hating him in the end. And don't be with a man who doesn't support your dreams.
2007-01-24 07:56:37 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋