Well lets start this by saying my boyfriends parents got divorced when he was 6 b/c his mom cheated on his father, his first love left him to date his brother and his second love left him to date his best friend. Well needless to say from this he has huge trust issues. We met a year and a half ago and it took him 9 months to ask me to be his girlfriend, its been a very slow growing relationship, but we are now very close and i love him more than anything, ive never been so happy in my life, the only problem is, he always gets uptight about other guys, my friend from 2 states away called me and i called him back at 2 in the morning and my boyfriend bugged out thinking it was suspicious, i dont know what to do, i understand why he get uptight, but i will never cheat on him, i will marry him someday! but how do i prove to him im 100% faithful?
2007-01-24 07:47:03 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Tell him exactly what your telling us, and explain to him that you love him and will not cheat...if you talk with a guy friend, then he needs to try and understand that its just friendship.
Let him know you understand his trust issues but you both need to work through it, and if you tell him things that are going on, like talking with a friend from far away. He needs to resolve his trust issues, and you need to bare with him and help him do so...once you get to that point things will be better! Trust is huge in a relationship, my ex-wife didn't trust me and we were together for 13 years, all of which I was faithful...and hence the point that we are now not married.
He does need to heal and move on...if he doesn't try then being together will be tough. As long as your open with him and help him rebuild his trust and he tries hard things may work out...just keep talking about it, not fighting or getting defensive, just open, honest communication.
2007-01-24 07:56:55 · answer #1 · answered by bheithcao 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart you are in a pretty tough situation, and the only way out of it is to stay persistent with your behavior. Normally if you cause any distrust with your partner it can never be fully restored, but since you have not violated that trust this guy is going to have to give you some slack. He won't do it willingly so you will have to demand it from him. If you don't your relationship will always be one of turmoil. It's probably not a big issue now because you are his girlfriend and there is a reasonable out for him, but once you two eventually get married (and I hope you do), then the controlling factor of marriage is going to weigh heavy on this guy and things will get much worse. So you have to convince this man that you are and have always been true to him now or you may want to move along to keep from getting hurt worse at a later time. You sound like a sweetheart so if he does not understand look me up and I promise to give you the benefit of the doubt. :o)
2007-01-24 15:56:56 · answer #2 · answered by true00essence 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one thing, don't call your male friend at 2am. That in itself does seem suspicious. And if you know he has trust issues, then try your best not to pour salt into open wounds. I think you should tell him exactly what you told us...
"but i will never cheat on him, i will marry him someday! but how do i prove to him im 100% faithful".
It's hard though, when you've been hurt a bunch. I know his pain. Try to show a lot of interest in him. Assure him of your love. It's going to be tough, either way.
2007-01-24 15:52:24 · answer #3 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is never a way to show that you are 100% faithful. He just has to learn to trust you, its that simple.
If he has trust isssues it may take some time. This time its about you returning a call(2am is suspicious) but next time its going to be something else, then after that something else.
Just take it one day at a time, but he needs to let go of the past and deal with this relationship as it is. Are you prepared to live the rest of your life like that?
Love can only grow with trust.
2007-01-24 15:59:51 · answer #4 · answered by ayanagin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only time will show him the truth. However calling anyone friend or not at 2 am is not right it could have waited until the following day. Make this guy feel special like he is the only guy in existance and that might help but he needs love and patience so give those to him and in time he will see.
2007-01-24 15:52:06 · answer #5 · answered by freyja5683 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always thought being 100% honest and upfront was enough to make a man trust you, but I'm in the same sort of situation where he always questions my motives... Ask yourself now if you can marry him if that never goes away.
If you are 10 years down the road with this man and he still accuses you of wanting to be with someone else or even cheating for real, are your integrity and self-image going to survive?
The trust issues are his and they may never go away. He may be able to let it go for a while, but its bound to pop up whenever you trigger that insecurity.
2007-01-24 15:55:10 · answer #6 · answered by leahivan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does NOT have every right to. Get this straight in your mind first. It is not your responsibility to accept punishment (that's what it really is) for all of the women who have dumped on him in his life.
You have a right to be treated as who you are, not for what he has experienced in HIS PAST.
If he is insecure, you CAN NOT convince him that you aren't being untrue. He will see what his heart feels, not reality. He is broken and stuck in his fears.
Your question should really be whether or not you should be willing to take this kind of relationship, and my answer is NO.
Tough medicine, but I have been in very similar circumstances and it was corrosive to my soul. I've learned that we all deserve better than this kind of treatment.
I suggest counseling for him, then for both of you together. If he's unwilling, find someone who is capable of loving you fearlessly, openly, and without suspicions.
good luck, you've got big choices ahead.
2007-01-24 15:58:03 · answer #7 · answered by lmcbuilder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he has to trust you. Tell him you love him and relationships are baed on trust and communication. He has to trust you until you break that trust and you have not done anything to show that. My suggestion is you should not talk to other guys at 2am, afternoon or evenings are ok. It's hard for a guy to swallow (trust), very suspicious but you know there is nothing going on. You have to help him to trust you, it takes time. Be patient!
2007-01-24 15:53:20 · answer #8 · answered by Paul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to prove anything to him. This is his problem (jealousy) and he will have to learn to confide and trust you or you two will enter a really huge problem. Jealousy and trust are factors that never mix well in a relationship. Speak with him, and let him know he needs to learn to trust you or nothing good will come of this.
2007-01-24 15:51:41 · answer #9 · answered by melloncollieromance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just continue to be faithful
You obviously understand where he's been, but after a time he should be getting over it. Don't do anything that is suspicious. If his problem persists maybe he needs to talk to a therapist.
DO NOT marry him until this is resolved. It will ruin your marriage.
2007-01-24 15:51:15 · answer #10 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋