Why does it have to be one way or the other?

Question

Why does it have to be that you either spank your child or you don't? Or that your child is either well behaved or not? Isn't there a way to find a happy medium? Can't there be more than one way of punishment? Can't the child have good and bad days?

I've been reading a lot of questions and answers lately and I've noticed that people either believe you must be very tough with your children or you should allow them to get away with everything. Most common excuse is "Boys will be boys" Why is it ok if they are boys when they get into trouble?

It's not so black and white in my family either. I may not have worded it right but I meant on yahoo answers everyone seems to be way on the side of spanking or way on the side of spoiling their children. I would like to hope I give my child a well balenced life. I'm sorry if I misspoke. I'm just curious.

Answer 1

Actually I correct according to the crime. Spanking is not always needed a time out or simple taking of toys will do at times.

My son does have good days and bad days. Not all parents are having it so rough. I think some parents are just overwelmed at what is before them, you can be told countless times before a child is born that raising a child is not easy, but you will never know until you actually have that child. Some children you can be not so firm with, and some you have to pull in them rains tight or they will run you over. That is the leadership abilities in them.

My son at first was running me over and if you gave him an inch he took six miles, so I had to really come down hard on him, but now he has learned that if he is good, that I will trust him more and it is rare that I have to be real firm with him.

I have never agreed that a boy can't control himself. You know the boys will be boys syndrome. I see just as many girls that are out of control. When I worked in a daycare the same rule applied to every one.

Answer 2

I think you're mislead. For the situation in the question people may feel one way or another, it doesn't mean they feel that it should be a stead fast rule.

...either you spank your child or you don't? You can't half do this action or either you do the action or you don't do the action.

...either well behaved or not? I've never met anyone who suggests that a child is 100% good or bad all the time, this is riduculous.

Read the answers with a broader mind and read the question fully. I don't believe that people dismiss getting in trouble when they say "boys will be boys" I think they mean just not to be surprised at what said boy has done.

Answer 3

My 3 yo has good and bad days. She can be a perfect angel and sometimes she seems to forget everything she has learned about manners and behavior. I spank her, when necessary. I try only to spank her when she in hurting or in danger of hurting herself or someone else (animals included), like playing in the road or biting. I use other punishments for lying (soap in the mouth), not cleaning her room or taking care of her toys (take them away),not eating her food (no snacks until after the next meal), and tantrums (time-out). She is a good girl even if she does make mistakes. Boys will not be boys, they should adhere to the same behavioral standards as girls. My son is only 8 months but he is slowly learning what no means and what he can and cannot do, just like my daughter did.
A parent has to figure out what works for the child, what works for my daughter may not work for my son. I think consistancy is the key to any behavioral dicipline. My daughter gets more upset when I tell her I am disappointed in her or upset with her than for me to "punish" her (spank, take toys, time-out)
Parents give your kids a break and let them show you what works...

Answer 4

It is not okay when either sexed child gets in to trouble. Sure, there will be better days than others. There has to be discipline and the child needs to learn acceptable behavior from them. I did spank. Not absusively. A light tap on their behind to indicate I was not happy with what they had done was usually all that it took. Best of luck.

Answer 5

We aren't so black-and-white in our family. We try not to spank, and we usually don't. Sometimes, though, a kid needs a good smack just to jolt them back into reality. The world is full of shades of gray. You just deal with things accordingly. I find the best thing to do is be consistent.

Answer 6

i am a mother of 3 boys and 1 girl they all get punished the same for misbehaving i dont feel my kids should be treated differently for ANY reason. Kids are kids bad or good they get rewarded and punished all the same.

Answer 7

I think you are totally right.and that is totally right. I hate the words boys will be boys because it is a some what lame excuse.if boys can be boys then girls can be girls, but we never hear that excuse.