For the last 5 years, I have been shuttling almost 500 miles between San Diego and Northern California to help care for my aging mother. In a typical year, I make this trip three or four times, sometimes flying, sometimes driving. Last year, as my mother's needs increased, I realized I could no longer juggle her job, the constant worry, and the eight-hour trips. What would you advise me to do to keep on taking care of her without the constant shuttle?
2007-01-24 07:27:41 · 10 answers · asked by Nicolas I 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Been there, friend. You must realize that your mother's needs are going to increase. I think you have received a lot of good ideas, so I'll just add to that and say that you can either
move to San Diego or
move her to No. Cal. or
arrange to have a home health care worker help her out
move her to assisted-living
You might also get in touch with these three incredibly helpful organizations:
www.caregiver.org
http://www.alznorcal.org/index.asp
www.alz.org
2007-01-24 07:53:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do the same thing, It's not 8 hours but it's 5. It's overnight no matter how I look at it. I have been doing it for 10 years. I don't think that there is any thing I can do except to move to where she is. I just don't want to do that. I can't bring her to live with me because she has so many great friends and she would not be happy without all her friends. I just look at it this way, she took care of me for the first 21 years of my life. Now it is my turn to give back. She is still a great Mother. I think it is a small price to pay even though I get tired of making the trip. But, I am sure that she must have gotten tired of raising me but she never stopped. We have a deal though. If and when she gets to the point where she cannot drive or take care of herself, she has agreed to come live with me. Until then, I will make the drive.
2007-01-24 07:38:11 · answer #2 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really a hard choice to make. You can move your mother closer to you. Another option would be for you to hire someone to come in once a day and check on her. If she needs more than just the occasional checking on you might want to consider assisted living. It's not the same thing as a nursing home. Your mother would still be allowed to maintain some of her independence but, there would be help close by if she needed it. If you are not sure what the right answer is you might want to talk to her Dr and he/she might be able to give you an idea of what level of care your mother might need. Best of luck to you.
2007-01-24 07:35:35 · answer #3 · answered by mardaw 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move her to San Diego or move back to Norcal your self. I completely understand. My wife and I lived in Rhode Island for the last six years but recently moved back to the Bay Area to be closer tou our respective families. Her parents live in Santa Cruz and my Mom lives in Mendocino. My Mom is doing great but her Mom isn't. So the Bay Area is the happy medium for us location wise. One hour to SC and three to Mendo. It's tough and I understand, good luck.
2007-01-24 07:40:01 · answer #4 · answered by Add Man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If either of you have the money, can you build an extension on your house for her? If you don't then maybe you could use some of her social security money since it is for her. Also if you have any siblings tell them you need help. I can't stand when 1 child takes care of their parents but come will time they all want the money. Good luck
2007-01-24 07:34:56 · answer #5 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would it be possible to talk to your mom about the idea of her moving closer to you? Most parents don't want to burden their adult children, so she may be happy to move closer and see you more often
2007-01-24 07:34:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you can mover her to your home town or maybe you can move back to where she is, maybe an home health aid would be handy if you have other family are they able to pitch in. i say exhaust all option before a nursing home if you can. whatever dont fill guilty you are doing your best.
2007-01-24 07:32:39 · answer #7 · answered by creation 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have her move in with you. Or would that be too much for you? Do you love her enough to do that for her or are you just showing off here to clean your conscience?
2007-01-24 07:33:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about putting her in an "assisted living center" close to where u live.....are there other siblings who can help
2007-01-24 07:30:58 · answer #9 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you move her closer to you?
2007-01-24 07:30:01 · answer #10 · answered by crazykidsmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋