My fiance has a four year old daughter, who he gets time with every other weekend.?

Question

The problem is that he picks her up on Friday night and leaves for work Saturday morning, which means that the child is now in my care for the day. He never asked me if this is ok with me and while it hasn't been too much of a problem, the child is now turning bossy, bratty and sometimes just downright mean and it wears me out to spend that time with her by myself. I told him I want him to make other arrangements for his child while he is at work because I have had enough of dealing with her. He keeps excusing everything she does with her age, "Well, she's only 4!" and he's upset with me for not wanting to be around her. What should I do? Who is right here?

Answer 1

My suggestion would be to pray. Prayer is very powerful. Ask the Lord to show you if this is the man He wants you to marry for starters. If you still feel directed to marry this man then you need to ask the Lord to give you love for this little girl. Pray for this little girl too. A good book to read is "Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie Omartian. There's also another book she wrote "Power of a Praying Woman" which is fantastic. Take the little girl to church on Sunday mornings...teach her the "Love of Christ" You will be amazed of how things can slowly start changing for the better. Think positive.

Answer 2

Well from experiencing being a step child.It can be tough but that doesn't excuse her behavior.When kids see new faces that they haven't seen before they tend to act out to see how far they can go before you put your foot down.You also have to take into consideration that now all that child sees is you, she sees daddy going out the door and she spends all her time with you.Now you have every right to be frustrated because you feel as though you have become a in house nanny. Instead of him putting the child on you he should have came and consulted the situation with you.That would have been a better approach.This is not about being right or wrong it's about being considerate.Because I honestly think that if you had of known ahead of time what the plan was you wouldn't be feeling like you were left in the dark.Maybe he's not even aware that you are feeling that way.If a person doesn't know something educate them but don't get upset if you haven't brought the situation to his attention.There is no right or wrong here it's just there was no communication.Bring it to his attention and things might go more smoothly .Good Luck

Answer 3

Maybe what needs to happen is Daddy needs to sit down with you & his little angel and have a talk. Explain that you don't want to take the place of her Mommy, but that the child must behave and treat you with the respect she would any other adult.

I think, in the end, if Daddy isn't willing to straighten this out, it will always be an issue, and in the end, he will be forced to choose between you and the child. If he isn't willing to get this straight now, then I would just give up on him.

Another thought occurred to me, as well. Make plans for the next Saturday that he has the child. Tell him in advance that you have plans (a day at the spa, an appointment, etc) and he will have to make other arrangements. It is not unreasonable for him to ask you once in a while to entertain the child, but you should not be forced to do it all the time.

Do not try to cut the child out of the picture altogether, though. It will backfire on you in the long run!

Answer 4

This is the thing...she is part of HIM....she is part of the package that came with him. You knew that when you agreed to date him and became engaged to him. There may be all sorts of reasons that she's acting up. Part of it is that she might be angry...think of it from the child's point of view. She has a daddy but she only gets to see him once every other weekend...how would that feel for a 4 year old? She doesn't understand why her parents aren't together anymore, she doesn't understand that daddy has to work and that he would be there hanging out with her if he could....what she sees is this....I only get to see him once in awhile - and when I do, he's not there because I am not important enough to him. I do feel that if she's there....he should make sure that he spends time with her...he's her DAD and you're not her nanny....but you will become her stepmom if you marry him...

He prob is upset with you because if you are marrying him...his daughter is also included. She's not going anywhere...she's going to be there for the rest of his life. If you can't even take seeing or hanging out with her every other week...then how are you going to deal with the rest of your life with him? I think it's VERY cold that you want him to make other arrangements for his daughter while he is at work because you don't want to be around her. If you marry him....that's just something that you have to learn to accept - she's not going anywhere. If I were him, to be honest, what you're saying woulde would make me question whether I should have proposed to you or not. Sorry if you don't like my answer....

Answer 5

I think you're both right. On one hand, he should not have assumed that it was ok for you to be left alone with his daughter (hopefully you met her before you had to watch her all by yourself). On the other hand, she IS only 4 and she WILL be your step daughter one day.
Is it possible her mother (his ex-) is doing something at home to make her act this way with you? Does she act this way for her dad? It may be upsetting for her to see her dad with another woman so when he goes away she takes it out on you. Or, since you said there wasn't much of a problem until recently, she may see that you don't listen to her or will let her do whatever she wants. Don't become a doormat for her! Try doing things with her that she likes. Try coloring, taking her out shopping or to a park, do silly things like forts made out of blankets. Try to think about her feelings but always remain stern (but loving) in how you discipline her and talk to her. Let her know that you are not her mom but you are someone she should look up to and listen to. It will be hard at first, but the more she is around you and the more consistent you are, the better things will be. Good Luck!

Answer 6

If you think you can't deal with this Man's daughter then you need to reconsider marrying him. Do you realize how selfish and inmature you sound when you say you can't deal with her? Better get used to the fact that if you marry him this will be your stepdaughter and you will have a lot to do with her upbringing at such an early age.
He also needs to be more responsible, have a talk with him and see if you can reach to a point where you both are happy.
I was a single mother when I met my husband and had I known he didnt want anything to do with her, I would have left him righ there!!!
Im sure the poor girl is just trying to adjust to this new life that was brought to her lap, the same way you feel you dont have to deal with her, she is just 4 years old and she didnt need all this drama in her life.
My heart goes to her. Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

Sorry you are going through that. Sounds like your pretty frustrated. well you should have said something form the beginning. Now it shows that she has frustrated you and you can't deal with it. If you have a problem with her to the point that you can't watch her for a few hours, than maybe you shouldn't be with a guy that has a kid. You guys are getting married, you will be a step mom to this girl, what are you gonna do than? You should really think about what is best for you. Maybe find someone that does not have kids. I have 2 girls myself, if were not married and dated a guy that did not want to be with my daughter's I would say " bye, peace, take care!". Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Does "Well she is only 4!" mean you can treat her like a child and discipline her? I would. You better get started now because if you do marry this man and something happens to her mother guess what? You will suddenly end up with a kid that you don't want, don't like, and can't control. I have a friend that did that.. she married a man who had 2 sons from a previous marriage. And since she didn't see them alot is was "OK". Then all the sudden he got custody because the mother became to ill to care for them. Man it was tough for her.. it almost cost them their marriage. You better get it going on sister or you will regret it.

Answer 9

I know where you are coming from , but you should realize that she is his daughter.She will always be a part of your life if you marry this man.All three of you need to sit down and he needs to tell her that she cannot backtalk and be bad when she is in your care.I had a very hard time at first with my bf 7 year old son.I was intimidated at first because I was scared my bf would be mad if I got onto his son.So I let the little boy run over me for awhile.But I guess oneday I had enough and I exploded on him.After that, there were still a few episodes , but he minds me better now than his dad.You also need to show her love.It can't always be fighting with her.I hope everything works out for you.Just hang in there and don't give up.She will grow out of alot of it too.

Answer 10

Well if you are going to get married you are going to have to deal with the child. Once you get married it is going to become your step child and you cant always avoid not being around her. Maybe just suck it up and ask him how you are allowed to punish her when she gets bratty or find activities that she can do by herself like watching a movie or coloring, also try and find play groups,mates that she could spend a few hours with another child