Future MIL being kind of rude?

Question

My future MIL is changing my wedding plans. She changed the reception time and instead of inviting everyone to the reception, she invited the town to our ceremony which was supposed to be intimate and private!! My own mother isn't acting that way with me. So I let her get away with that to keep the peace.

This time, I have to set some barriers. I'm going to print my wedding plans and have what will NOT change in bold print and whatever is open to suggestions in regular print. That way, she won't feel left out of the planning. I'm also going to put "(your suggestion)" next to the reception time and number of people that are coming... and then slap her with a guest list sheet. She will have to fill out all (200+) of who will be attending the ceremony and we'll just print the invites. She wanted to invite all of those people to the wedding and I'm not going to have the guest list headache, she is and will think twice about doing something without asking me first. What do you all think?

btw, I really love my future MIL to death (she has done a lot) and i need to keep the peace because she lives next door to us since my fiance' owns his deceased grandmother's home. We will sell the home in a few years, because we have been blessed to be able to sell the one we're in now.

Sitting and talking to her about it will do no good. I've done that already and so has my fiance'. It goes in and out the other...

Older people tend to say and do whatever the "feel" and she knows I'm not the confrontational type and neither is her son, so I just have to show some tough love. She should take what she dish out.

My fiance's side of the family is ONLY paying for food (which is why i prefered a small wedding and bigger reception). Everything else is my family and I and my fiance'.

Answer 1

What I'm trtying to understand is why you are worried about your mother in law feeling left out. It's YOUR wedding. Do whatever YOU and your fiance want to do. If you allow her to have her input on this trtust me she will always want to throw her 2 cents in and I mean it. Just wait til you have kids.

Answer 2

Usually the ceremony is open to anyone who wants to attend...so I am not exactly sure what SHE changed. Your idea for a BOLD FACE list sounds confrontational. To me, your idea sounds more like a list of this is WHAT YOU CAN pay for and this is none of your business. You can slap her with the guest list...but you will still be doing the thank yous and followup calls when no one fills out the RSVP. Is it possible your future MIL who you love is just excited for you? and telling people about the ceremony....because no one really likes to be invited to the ceremony and not the reception....and usually this is a way to say....the reception is family only, a small intimate, event. I don't understand how she can change anything.... she can suggest and talk and carry on all she wants.... but unless she is paying, she doesn't have the final say on anything. Thank her for her ideas and print your program and invites as planned. If she is paying, then her gift to you is a reception at a different time than you had hoped....again, you can pay the difference to change it...or suck it up. Finally, what I think is that weddings have a life all their own. Your MIL probably feels she is saving you some horrible headache she remembers from weddings gone by..... get take out and have a chat with her.... toss around ideas like you do with your girlfriends...and always remember...when you leave, its still your wedding so you don't have to take her suggestions so personal....

Answer 3

Well, I want to elope and my sister is freaking out about that. She says that my nieces and nephews will be so hurt if they aren't invited to the wedding as they were a part of the proposal. I felt guilty for a while, but then I realized..... This is my wedding, I want to do it the way I want too and everyone else will get over it.
I think your idea of printing out the wedding plans and saying what will NOT change is a great idea. But don't budge on things that are important to you. If you want an intimate ceremony and reception, then set a cap on the guest list. Sure she may be upset for a little while, but the bottom line is, it's your wedding and she WILL eventually get over it.

Answer 4

MIne was the same way. We got married in a small church, so seating was limited. I compromised with her to only invite family and close friends to the wedding and invite the other people on her list to the reception. That worked out great for both of us, and she was a big help after that; she didn't overstep boundries at all. We get along great now. I've realized now that she was just excited about her son getting married and wanted the town to know. I think that you got off easy if all she's buggin' you about is the guest list. :) But it is your wedding and you should get what you want. So just listen to what she has to say and then do it your way. Hopefully she'll get the hint and stop changing your wedding.

Answer 5

Sounds like the typical mother-in-law! You have to hold your ground now, or it will only get worse. I put up with my mother-in-law's crap for a while, at my husband's request, and it only got worse. Mothers-in-law (mom's of the husbands) seem to have this horrible fear of "losing" their son. They just can't stand the fact that someone else female is that important in their lives, taking over housework, cooking (if you do), etc. for them. Someone else is going to be there for emotional support and big decision making, career moves, etc. Anyway, I'm venting. I wouldn't try to convince her, that won't work, you're right. If the invitations haven't gone out, you can still have an intimate, private wedding. Don't try to negotiate with her, just tell her, "this is what we both want, it's our wedding, it's what's best for us". It's simply not about her. There is no reason for you to sacrifice your big day to appease her. I think the idea of slapping her with the responsibility of doing the invites (if I understood correctly) is a good idea, but then how do you know she won't keep inviting, and inviting, and inviting? I'm just saying, if she doesn't mind doing the invites, then the plan might backfire. You probably won't like this answer, but I would just do the invites myself, and leave other decisions to her. Best of luck, sweetie. Try going to www.motherinlawstories.com. It's hilarious.

Answer 6

I think you need to tell your future husband to grow a backbone.

Is MIL paying for any of this? If not, then you and he need to jointly tell her very diplomatically and politely to go fly a kite.

You need to get this set now or you will have problems for many years. The wedding is between you and him. She should only be involved to the degree both of you let her. If she can't grasp this concept, both of you may have to be rude about it to make your point.

Exactly who is your fiance marrying? You or his mother? This is a serious issue or at least a symptom of a serious issue. I suggest he go to the men's store and buy some pants.........unless, of course, you have your own selfish motives for wanting to marry a guy like this. (?)

Answer 7

Sound like you came up with a nice yet firm compromise. Good thing to set precedence now before she starts dictating more things after the wedding.

Answer 8

A wedding is for a day...a marriage is for a lifetime! When you marry your husband, your MIL is part of that deal.

Best thing to do is just explain what your plans are and ask if she would "help" you accomplish your goals. Slamming her, etc. does no one any good and causes more stress than is needed.

CONGRATULATIONS and good luck to you and yours!

Answer 9

Your future husband should be the one putting her in her place !!! If he can't or won't, then shame on you for getting upset about her prying into your lives in the future.....for this is just the tip of the iceberg. Your wedding is just that....YOURS. You need to talk to your future husband !!

Answer 10

The only true happy marriage was that of Adam and Eve as there were no in-laws to complicate things.