Engaged/married women: Do you truly feel a spark with your fiance?

Question

That magic from love songs and movies...

Is it for real? Should you not get married until you really find it with someone or can you still have a happy marriage without the spark??

Im terrified now. I have no logical reason to want to leave this guy, so many people would call my crazy for thinking this... I just dont feel SOMETHING... its killing me

i dont think i could talk to him about this i think hed get too upset

Answer 1

oh huney-- =) ok I'm engaged.. and For the first year or less I really had that spark, like I was all about the love. and then it started fading.. that love feeling, and always wanting ot hug and kiss and cuddle, and the fireworks when you kiss...
That goes away. It really does.. But that doesnt' mean you don't love them. Just really think about.. think of it in a way like this... "When you are 80 years old can you picture yourself without him?" "Can you picture waking up in the morning without laying next to you?" "What would your days be like without him? would you really miss him and wish he was there?" those are very important questions. I just asked my sister and her and her husband have been together on and off since she was 14.. she is now 26! she loves him with all of her heart, but those sparks aren't flying everytime they kiss.. You are just geting nervous maybe? like we both did.. It's ok. =).. it's perfectly normal. I hope this helps.. Just think about the questions.. Talk to him.. It will help so much! :)
one more question.. "Are you in-love with him? Or do you just love him?" sometimes you get so attached you can't tell the difference.
I really hope I have helped. Don't marry just because.. Marry if you really love and want to spend the rest of yoru life with this guy!

Answer 2

Love is not about a spark. I don't feel a spark, but I love him deeply. Those who have the spark normally are the ones who get a divorce when the "spark" is gone. Love is a deep understanding of the other person. The "spark" is lust. Now, can you have lust and love for the same person. Absolutely. Do you have to lust after the person for a solid marriage? No.

You have to think about what you want. Are you looking to get married just for the sake of wanting to be married or do you think he will be a great husband and father and will you treat him as such? Will he be there for you through thick and thin? Will you want him there when it is? Will you treat him like a man or a doorstop?

I can't describe our relationship as a spark, but when I have that terrible day at work, he deals with our son and lets me lie down. When I'm sad, he's the first to give me a hug. When things are tough, he's the first to give me encouraging words of wisdom, guidance, love and support. And I love him for those things. Would I trade all of that for a "spark"? Never.

Answer 3

Depends on how long you've been together.
Did you feel "the spark" before? If you've NEVER had "the spark" then I would be concerned. You might have felt a familiararity instead of love. Sometimes, especialy in cases of abuse, a person chooses that which feels familiar to them. They end up doing the same dance; different partner. And the results are always the same.

That "spark" is designed to light the fires of marriage. But those feelings wane & in it's place grows a deep & abiding love. And it is both of your responsibility to rekindle that spark over & over & over throughout your lifetime.

And if you can't talk to this man about your feelings, even though he may get upset, may I ask why are you even considering marrying him?

Answer 4

That "burning" feeling from when we first met is no longer there. My mind is not always occupied with thoughts of him like when we first started dating. That was lust.

Now it is something deeper, its no longer on the surface, but it is definitely there. The times I truly feel that yearning for him is when we get extended time apart. I miss him, and not like I did years ago, but a deeper feeling, like a piece of me is missing. That old saying "you don't know what you got until its gone" is definitely true.

I'm very happy without feeling that "spark" all the time with my husband. I always chalk that up to lust, and I find that the stability of unconditional constant love from another person; always having that partner in good times and bad, is sooooooooo much better than any spark I felt in the beginning!

Answer 5

D A M N straight it's for real!

Ever since I met my husband eight years ago, it's barely occurred to me that there are other men on this planet. I still find myself grabbing his cute behind and dragging him into corners to kiss him. When I see him all done up in a tux and looking SHARP, or lying there asleep in bed looking peaceful as a little boy, you bet I still get butterflies in my stomach.

If every part of you isn't ready to RUN down that aisle to marry him, maybe you should examine exactly what's holding you back. There's no need to just settle for the first man who comes along who's willing to stick around. When it's right, you won't feel any reserve or worry - all you'll want is to be with him for the rest of your life.

I know some folks like to break love down into: Love is spiritual, it is above all fleshly concerns, and Lust is only physical desire, and thus BAD.

To which I say: Stuff and nonsense. Love involves physical attraction - you should feel passionate desire for a man who you're going to **MARRY.**

A lifetime is a V E R Y L O N G T I M E, ladies. Without that physical desire and glad intimacy to sweeten all the stresses of marriage and soften your attitude toward him when he screws up, you're in for a hard time. Look at the example of the American Bible Belt culture: that school of thought says Love = entirely spiritual, Lust/desire = bad, something only whores feel.

Yet they have the highest divorce rates in the U.S. Why?

Answer 6

YES!! I know it is true. my husband and I were always best friends and there was some chemistry when we 1st met but it really kicked in a few days into his leave [he was military at the time]
It is hard to explain but it is a electricity, sparks , a certain light in one anothers eyes and a wonderful warm dizziness. All you can do is look at each other. We still have that spark. Every so often he tells me I still give him butterflies and I make him feel all jumpy....
I know - it sounds silly but all I can say is it is VERY REAL for me!!!

Answer 7

I wouldn't describe it as a "spark"... More like a steady and comfortable fireplace fire. I think it's important to experience "spark", drama and passion in one's life, I've had plenty of it - but at the end, I married someone I can call my best friend. Our relationship has never been passionate, but always enjoyable, respectful and steady. You can't sustain passion for too long, but loyalty and friendship can last a lifetime.

Answer 8

in my relantionship, there is a spark. but again there is the same feeling that we are already married and have been for 50 years. we are really great friends and share everything. i knew within a few days he was the one for me. we have only been together for 3 years but like i said before it feels like 50. we have had many experiecnce in our relantionship good and bad. its a spark but not like the one a year ago, but i wouldnt change a thing.

Answer 9

For me the spark is critical. Yes, it does change over time to more of a glowing ember, but as far as I am concerned it's got to be there. For some people this is less important, but for me . . . there's no other way.

Answer 10

When you find that one person who just makes you melt everytime they walk in the room, when you get goosebumps everytime they touch you, when your whole life seems different and exciting....you just know. There's no question or doubt in your mind and you can't wait to spend the rest of your lift with that person. Wait until you know...and you will, maybe not with this guy, but he's out there somewhere. It took me long enough to figure that out, but I'm glad I waited. It was well worth the wait!