What should I do about my maid of honor?

Question

I have been best friends with my maid of honor since we were in kindergarten. We have gone through a lot...I was there when she found out she was pregnant at 17 and when she was married to an abusive man that she finally left. So when I became engaged last year, I asked her to be my maid of honor...she gladly accepted. Well, since then I have attended 2 bridal shows both of which she was supposed to go with me (I even bought tickets) and 1 time she didn't have a babysitter which I understood but the 2nd time she was "feeling fat" and didn't want to go. She hardly asks me about the planning and I feel like she is just not interested. Everytime I try to talk to her about the wedding or email her a question she is very short and quickly changes the subject. I really don't understand. I know someday she really wants to get married so sometimes I feel like she is a little envious but I want her to WANT to be part of my wedding. What would you do?

Answer 1

It would be a good idea to have a serious talk with her. If she continues to not participate in your wedding, you are going to really resent her. She probably is a little jealous, but she needs to put that aside for your special day. Maybe the two of you could plan something to do that does not involve the wedding where you could bring this up - like going to lunch or dinner. Let her know that you want her to be a part of your wedding and that it is bothering you that she doesn't seem that interested in one of the most important events of your life. She might not even realize that her actions are hurting you and will start being more attentive once she knows. Good luck!

Answer 2

Sounds like she's envious and probably bitter about how happy you are about getting married and starting a new life with someone while she sits alone. Her life has been tough with having baby at such a young age, getting married and ending an abusive marriage. Although all these things isn't your fault she's just confused, angry and sad and is making it difficult for you (maybe) without realizing it.
You could ask her about why she is so distant and uncaring and if she wants to help you out or just stand at a distance for now.
Just remember this is your wedding, although you would like her opinion don't expect her to be all that helpful (she is still probably hurting). A maid of honor doesn't have to help you decide what you like or want for your wedding, only you can decide.

Answer 3

When I got married I originally had my cousin planned as my maid of honor but she had a lot going on at the time and I needed somebody who could really step in and help. Weddings are BUSY!!
1st I asked for a few other opinions from my mother, grandmother and good friend. They agreed and backed me up on the decision to replace her since it was not easy. We grew up in the same household - we were more like sisters and best friends.
2nd. I sat down with her, apologized, told her I had to have someone else and asked her to please understand. She did and ended up helping with the photgraphy and wedding video.
I was very glad I did what did. My other cousin made a FANTASTIC Maid Of Honor and I really depended on her most of all. Shopping, picking out the gowns and she helped take care of some wedding day mishaps that I never saw coming. Like forgetting makeup, deoderant, a late flower girl, etc. The Maid Of Honor is very imporant.
Good Luck and I hope you have a beautiful wedding!!

Answer 4

It sounds like she is a little envious. Do you talk about the wedding all the time? Is that usually the first subject in a conversation between the two of you? I'm engaged too and I'm trying not to get the Star Jones Syndrome by speaking about the planning every minute of the day.

I think that this process is probably making her a little jealous but there's nothing you can really do about it. She just has to get over it.

Answer 5

More than likely she is feeling that once you get married you will leave her behind and not have time for her so she is not interested in loosing you so she is not dealing with it right now.

I would keep trying to keep her in the picture but make sure you are asking about how she is too. Not just asking her questions about your wedding. Make it a little moreabout her and not you and your wedding. Jus tbecause she is your maid of honor doesn't mean she has to do everything with you. Take your mom or you fiance to the next show. Ask her if she wants to go but don't make it sound like she has to.

Answer 6

She may sort of feel envious but doesn't know how to express it. If you've been friend that long, then its understandable. You said she was married to an abusive man, maybe she's a little sad that you and your husband-to-be seem so well suited and she ended up with a jerk. I understand how you feel. My matron-of-honor is a married woman who never had a wedding and she feels a little envious sometimes. You're best friends, don't sweat it. Let her be as involved as she wants to be but don't push her. She'll come around.

Answer 7

She doesn't seem to want to be a party of your wedding, so you should have a talk. See if she'd rather attend as a guest. Just be honest- tell her you feel this role is too much for her, and you can understand if she's not interested. What you want and what she wants don't seem to be the same.
A maid of honor is traditionally supposed to be the person who can support your marriage, your vows. It's not supposed to be a best-friendy thing, even though most people think so. She really doesn't sound like the best person to stand up for you.

Answer 8

Weddings are expensive...especially the added responsibilities for the maid of honor. You are her friend and know a lot about each other....can she afford to be maid of honor? can she afford to be in the wedding at all? Plus she has the added expense of babysitters everytime you want to get together. Time for a frank conversation about..."hey whats going on? I missed you at these two events and I want to make this great for both of us". If it needs to change....she may only be a bridesmaid, or a reader... she can still be there for all the decorating parties, etc. if she wants...have the conversation now....cause you need everyone 100 percent on your wedding day.... the best to you.

Answer 9

its your day and no matter what she is feeling she should be there for you and to plan this with you. You need to talk to her let her know how you are feeling and ask her what has been the problem lately. Tell her that you are feeling like she doesnt want anything to do with the planning and want to know if there is something going on so you could help fix it. If there isnt a change with her than the best thing to do is get your other girls that are in the wedding party to help you out. Dont stress about whats going on with her, you tried and if she doesnt want to get involved theres really nothing you can do about it, you need to get things in order with or without her.

Answer 10

It sounds like your MOH is "hurt" about your wedding. It hurts her everytime she hears about it because, in some way she feels...jealous, inadequate, sad about her own circumstances, "I wish it was me who was so happy and I was the one getting married to a great guy."

Talk with her! A lot of the times when you expose things for what they really are (and not in a hurtful way) it looses its sting. Be kind to her.

Possible words, "Is everything ok? It seems that you might possibly not be happy with being my MOH or that it is hurting you in some way. What can I do to ease this for you?"

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