Can one person give you panic and anxiety?

Question

There is one person in my life who was verbally abusive to me on one occaision, and has said mean things about me to others on several occaisions. That's all that's happened, and yet I feel extremely nervous and uncomfortable everytime we have to interact. I even feel nervous if someone talks about this person. My symptoms are mostly in my stomach - it hurts, get tight, gets butterflies, feels sick, etc. And I also feel hot and sometimes dizzy or my vision and hearing get fuzzy like I'm going to pass out.
This only happens in the specific situations I described, and only with this one specific person. This has been going on for a couple years now. What is wrong with me and how can I get over it?

Answer 1

Yes, you have been sensitized to that situation and now you suffer panic attacs around the person.
The best way to get over the situation is to tell the person how much they hurt you and explain what is going on. If they do not respond to that then what you need to do is practice breathing and relaxation exersizes. Your body is reacting as if there was real danger (and I assume this person is just verbal not a real threat) so forcing yourself to relax and breathe will help the reaction

Answer 2

First of all, it is normal to feel anxious when we sense a threat. Problem is your threshold for danger is set too low and you're getting flooded. Feeling flooded can incapacitate us for taking action when we need to. (We go into freeze.)

The human brain is always putting two and two together. It does so for survival related reasons. One event easily triggers another event creating more energy in the system than would otherwise be for the current event.

If you've ever been angry at someone and then start to remember all the other times you were angry, you were experiencing this interconnectivity in the brain. This process keeps us safe by sending out warning signals of anything remotely like the orignial event. This is why even talking about him can get you triggered.

The more your nervous system is cranked up, the more easily you will be triggered. The calmer your nervous system the better able you are to brush off incidents like this and/or deal with it to resolve it.

The physical symptoms you are experiencing is discharge. The nervous system is discharging the dramatic influx of energy we get when we sense threat. Too much energy pulsing through our bodies triggers a hormonal response that makes us sick. Babies get it when they get too stimulated because their nervous system is still growing.

So to answer your question, yes we can become triggered by others but it is not solely about that individual. Your brain is remembering his abusive behavior but it may also be remembering other events that have instilled you with more fear than you need. If you'd like more information see this article: http://www.myshrink.com/showtlingo.php?t_id=1

My recommendation is to get some counseling preferably body-based psychotherapy which deals directly with lowering the amount of fear in your body.

Answer 3

It sounds like any reminder of him is triggering you into reliving the trauma you experienced when he was abusive to you, and you react with panic. That's totally understandable -- it's your body's way of trying to protect you from further harm. You're ready to fight-or-flight, you're logic and reasoning centers are turned off and instinct kicks in. What you need to do is try to calm your body's responses so you can get your mind back. You feel panicked and in danger, but you aren't.

It sounds like it would be a good idea to draw a boundary with this person. If you can (and I know this is hard), tell him you don't appreciate it when he speaks to you in that way. Here's a formula you can use:

"When you do _________, I feel __________. I would prefer that you do _________."

Even if he tells you to go pound sand afterwards, at least you will have spoken up and drawn a boundary. Then, every time he does something you object to, use the same formula. He'll stop eventually, and you'll feel good because you established the way you wish to be treated. It's your right to be treated the way you want to, and it's your right to tell someone if they aren't respecting your wishes.

If you do this, these symptoms will lessen.

Very best of luck!

Answer 4

Try this, it's an exercise in cognitive therapy. If it doesn't seem to help disregard it.
Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy because of the thoughts that you have about the people or the events in your life. It’s not people or events that make you unhappy, it’s what you choose to think about those persons or events. You alone control what enters into your head as a thought. If you don’t believe this, just answer this question, “ If you don’t control your thoughts who does?”
You have the power to think whatever you choose to let into your head If something just “pops” into your head you choose to put it there, though you may not know why, you still have the power to make it go away. Your feelings come from your thoughts. You can’t have a feeling without first having a thought.
If you can control your thoughts then you can control your feelings.

Answer 5

I avoid people who have that sort of effect on me and those who do that sort of thing... Plus I ask others not to even talk about that person around me cause I don't like how much that person can effect me... Most people just give a weird look and go on with things as usual only that person is brought up like almost never.

Answer 6

Sounds as if this one person has a prominent family / career position in your life at this time.

You need support and assistance from other family members / career peers if you are to overcome this scenerio.

Don't feel bad about how you feel or tense up in the examples you gave. You are you and you have a right to have the feelings / reactions. Since you desire to overcome the reactions know that you will & I dare say soon based on how long it has been going on.

The time you've had to endure will be a motivation for quick resolution.

practice the following in front of a mirror:
plan to have a witness with you:
keep to the facts & keep it short & end it and walk away:

"___________, I need to talk to you for a few min. (go to a private room) __________ is here with me because we need a witness to this time. I'm going to ask that you allow me to finish completley what I have to say without interruption. It has taken me some time to deal with this, but when you were verbally abusive to me on __________ at __________ and said ____________ and then on other occasions have said __________________ about me to ________________ It affected me. I've been able to get stronger from the situation and I've sought advise. I hope that we can work through this, but for today I need to inform you that I will not put up with verbal abuse or put up with you saying bad things about me to others. Please choose to stop. If you don't, I'll need to take further steps to protect myself and stop you from hurting others."

give them a chance to respond. do not get into a conversation.

thank them for their time and leave the private room.

If it is at work inform your superior what you have done to correct the problem and request they document the event and track it as needed.

If it is family & if it continues then approach the patriarch / matriarch.... tell them the situation for help.

If your family does not assist you..... I'm sorry to hear it, for your well being, don't participate fully in events that end up causing you pain. Seek your own well being first.

may goodness prevail

Answer 7

You can avoid this person as much as possible. You can also forgive this person for being such an idiot and move on with your life. If you forgive, you remove the power this person has over you. What this person has done reflects on his/her character, NOT yours. You know the kind of person you are. Don't let words and ugly actions from someone else diminish you. Realize that you're talking about a mean-spirited, nasty person who is not worth your time or concern.

Answer 8

I think it is the trauma that that person caused you. Do you have to interact with this person? Is he an ex-husband? A parent? IF you don't have to deal with them then avoid them. It sounds like pure ole' dread and fear from the past with that person. If possible have someone else act as a intermediary for you, until you learn to not allow it to upset you.

Answer 9

yes i gave it to my mom. I was a difficult kid. I still am.