I am 22 years old. When my fiance proposed 3 months ago. My first reaction (inside my head) was "oh crap! Are we realling doing this???" And I kinda had an overwhelming sensation of panic but I never let him know. Then about a week later, I was happy as could be. I was ready to plan the wedding and I was SOOO in love and wanted to get married A.S.A.P. Then about a month later I started doubting that I would truly be happy with him forever and it keeps getting worse. I can't imagine life without him though. I wake up in the morning and start thinking about it and I think "girl you are crazy you love this man so much" then by the end of the day I am planning ways to break it off with him. Then the vicious cycle starts over the next day. HELP I AM DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY!! I am scared to lose my freedom but I don't want to lose him either. Also, I am afraid that maybe he isn't the "one". If I bring it up to him he is going to be crushed and automatically think the worst.
2007-01-24 06:17:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You're too young to get married if you're not 100% committed and sure about what you're doing. It takes more than crazy in love to make a marriage last. There's no rush to get married, so put the idea on hold for another year. If you can't talk honestly and openly with him about your feelings, you have no business getting married because the communication is limited.
Meanwhile, you can he can always get premarital counseling to see how ready and serious you are.
Good luck.
2007-01-24 06:22:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You sound exactly like I did two years ago. About three days before the wedding, I got HORRIBLE jitters and told him that I didn't want to marry him. We weren't ready and I couldn't do it. We worked that out, and then the day of the wedding I got them AGAIN!!! Up until I was walking down the aisle, I kept thinking that I liked the way things were between us; was I ready to risk losing that just to say that I was married? But seeing him up there waiting for me, probably feeling the same way, giving me that little smile of his made those feelings disappear. And you know what- our relationship couldn't be better. Are you planning the wedding all by yourself? If so, get your man actively involved; that helps alot. Why should you have to lose your freedom when you get married? Being married is wonderful, but hard work. You have to make someone other than yourself happy, but knowing that you have someone to come home to is a feeling that can't be replaced.
2007-01-24 07:41:47 · answer #2 · answered by Laura C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a pretty bad case of cold feet. I would put all wedding plans on hold, because the more planning you do, the more difficult it's going to be to call it off or postpone it.
I think part of the problem is that you're so young. Your inner voice is telling you that you shouldn't get married so young. But that may be only part of the problem. We did have a friend who had a serious case of cold feet, went ahead and married the guy, and ended up leaving him when they had two very young children. Obviously, she wished that she hadn't gone through with the wedding. Believe me, it's easier to break this off now than after the wedding. Good luck.
2007-01-24 06:33:26 · answer #3 · answered by Tricia R 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you're having doubts it's probably not the right thing to do. You said yourself that your first reaction to the proposal was " Oh crap!" That should be your first clue that this may not be the person for you. I went through the same thing a few years ago and called a wedding off. Don't spend your life with someone that you're not in love with.
2007-01-24 06:26:04 · answer #4 · answered by DL 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the best thing to do is dont plan the wedding date yet, bring up some reason to put it off for a few more years. Tell him that you want to save up more for this big wedding and want other things to come first. Its just to stressful to have it all done so soon. Tell him its a girl thing, and that yous will set a date futher down the road. I am sure he wont get upset and he wont notice anything else is up. You should really go over it in your head if you are wanting to spend forever with him. If you are having some really big doubts than maybe you should just stay engadged for a while till you know what you really want. Dont jump into anything your not sure of, theres too many divorces in this world, try to be sure on what you want.
2007-01-24 06:25:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The word "abuse" can mean a lot of different things to people. Some people think if you swat your kid's butt for acting up, you're abusing them. I'd like to know exactly what's going on in terms of "abuse" regarding the question you linked to. Assuming the kid is being smacked around by the step-parent, the biological parent has the responsibility and the duty to put an immediate end to it. Whether that means parenting classes or divorce, that's for them to decide, but some action must be taken.
2016-05-24 04:48:21 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was sixteen the first time I was proposed to and my initial reaction was like yours "oh crap". I knew right then that my then boyfriend of two years was not the person that I needed to spend the rest of my life with. I'm about to get married (to a different guy) and I know with all my heart that he is "the one" for me. If you don't have a good feeling about it, maybe you should put it off or break it off.
2007-01-24 06:38:35 · answer #7 · answered by orangeflameninja 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DEEP BREATH!
Its completely normal to have cold feet. 100% normal.
The real question is do you love him. Freedom is great but is freedom without him in your life what you want. I see it this way. If you feel that your life will be better without him in the long run then you should not be with him.
I married my wife giving up my freedom to do anything I wanted. I was independent and not relied upon. I gave it up because I know that my life would not be worth a damn without here compared to having her to share my life.
If you feel the same way the take the plunge if not you need to have some serious discussions with him.
2007-01-24 06:24:29 · answer #8 · answered by kyrie_eleison_gr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him you would like to have a long engagement to plan the wedding so it can be perfect because everyone wants an extradinary wedding and see if your feelings change as you go. good luck divorce is exspensive and people get hurt and if you have children they get caught up in a big mess with a life they never asked for it to be like that. i know because i married when i was 19 i have a five year old and just divorced in december but if you would of asked me when i was 19 i would of told you i was madly in love. he and i now hate each other and are civil for our son. so think this through and if you feel your not ready tell him if he loves you then he wont leave. good luck best wishes.
2007-01-24 06:26:44 · answer #9 · answered by nuzzihuzzi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, it's normal.
Yes, you are young.
Please get premarital counseling. Make sure that's what you want to do. If your counselor is good, you will be able to determine and sort out your feelings to make sure that this is what you want to do. If after counseling, you're still confused, I would hold off.
I went through that cycle in my mind. After counseling, I was completely settled and loved the idea of being married to this person for the rest of my life.
2007-01-24 07:40:55 · answer #10 · answered by sillylittlemen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋