My kids have had some problems, one her husband left and moved out of state and left her with 2 kids and a mountain of bills, her heat is got shut off and will not be turned back on till paid. The second, he just can't make enough money at work to pay his child support and live on his own, the 3rd has a girlfriend who is pregnant but is involved with someone else and he didn't know where to go. He also has drug and alcholo problems. All of them have the grandkids, and that is my problem, I don't want to see the grandkids suffer for the parents mistakes. We live where the weather is terrible.
2007-01-24 05:57:03 · 5 answers · asked by lady_blue_rose_58 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well Lady Blue sounds like your kids are going to be returning to the womb. Give them enough help to help them get back on their feet and then suggest that they once again move out after things have gotten back on track for them. We as parents can overcompensate for our adult children and although we love them unconditionally they need to live independently and live in this world as we did. Your son with the substance abuse problems may need to stay a little longer than the others, and actually will probably need more emotional support than the others. Your grandchildren will appreciate what grandma is doing and you'll get to see lots of them also. But somewhere along the line you need to have time with your friends and relatives on your own time and liking. So I guess what my opinion would be to be as supportive and helpful to this grown adult children but when they are able to get on their feet they need to and you need to allow them to do so, for your own sanity as well as theirs. Best of luck to you and yours.
2007-01-24 06:08:06 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not on your life.. Sad as these stories are, you owe to your children to encourage them to make it on their own. Don't bale them out.
May I ask you this? What would they be doing right now if you were not in the picture? I am 44, and both of my parents have passed away. I am divorced with two daughters.. It's a sink or swim world..
I know that must sound heartless, but really it's not.. As a parent you will always want to do whats best for your children, so do what's best for them and encourage them to carry on without your help.. you'll be there for them should they need a shoulder to cry on, or a listening ear, but you should draw the line there.
2007-01-24 14:12:09 · answer #2 · answered by Aunt Henny Penny 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is a different outlook on things. im 40 never had kids. what i see happening to day with people i know that have kids. the kids are not leaving to begin with. Unfortunatly it is getting to hard out there for people to make it on their own. hope of owning a house where i live that is a joke, unless you can carry a morgage for 400,000, and that is on cheaper end. families are starting to live with one another again, pooling there monies together so hopefully they can eventually get homes.
I know that is kinda off topic. I feel for you im sorry you have been put in the position you are in,
my mother had to take in my older sister and her child it was definatly not a good situation at all,due to many reasons. the stress in the house hold was unbearable for all involved under that roof. my mother was dealing with the death of her husband on top of it all. my fear was my mother was going to have a heart attack. My point is if you cannot live together do not wait untill your mentall or physical health deterioates before they move out.
if you do take them in please allow yourself the time to get out and away from it all. you will need support and a outlet for yourself. and please do not let them take advantage of you we are all responsible for our selves in the end.
i wish i had the answer for you how to help them without taking them back in.
2007-01-24 15:01:22 · answer #3 · answered by jhdjkhblpk;mvhyf nbjhghbmnbjgb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is my worst nightmare. I have spent 17 years bringing up kids on my own and am looking forward to them leavng the nest. If they come back i will feel like killing myself! Like you, i know i will worry about things like grandchildren and will be soft and let them back. It doesn't bare thinking about. But where does it end? Perhaps you need to be tough and make them stand on their own two feet. I know it won't be easy but they will survive and that is the only way they will really learn how to be independant and responsible.
2007-01-24 14:06:46 · answer #4 · answered by Peace 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No Been there done that.when son was single and injured...letting them come back was a mistake.for you. You dont say how long theyve been with you...make a limit 90 days and say you mean it cuz you want your privacy back
its their problem....told son and his wife to move to a cheaper place and they took my advice....they were on their own already....ONCE MARRIED DONT LET THEM COME BACK UNLESS spouse dies!!
2007-01-24 14:47:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋