I need reassurance...telling the parents about pregnancy...?

Question

I am getting my 1st ultrasound tomorrow at 7 weeks to confirm my baby's heartbeat. My boyfriend and I have decided to tell our parents about our expected little one after this ultrasound, so the news sharing will occur this weekend. I am so very nervous. I am 21 years old, my boyfriend is 22. This was an unexpected pregnany, but we are welcoming it with open arms. I am currently in school, while this pregnancy will set me back, it will only make me skip 1 semester of school. I come from an eastern european background, and I am nervous of telling my mother, but moreso my grandparents since they also played a crucial role in raising me. I am hoping with all my heart that their initial reaction will not be disappointment. I am nervous about telling my boyfriend's parents the news also, as he comes from a somewhat conservative family. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deliver our news and what to say if my grandmother will potentialy be pessimistic and negative in return?

I also found out that my insurance policy does not cover anything that has to do with pregnancy. This was a hard blow. Since pregnancy is a "pre-existing condition" I am unable to get another individual policy.

My boyfriend, however, is on a very thorough group HMO through work, and we found out that the only way for me to get another insurance policy is if we get married. So we are going to have to do a courthouse wedding. Believe me, when we found out we were having a baby, I didn't feel nearly as much "my life is changing it will never be the same" feelings as when I found out I have to now get married, without an engagement, without any of the planning and anticipation, in a courthouse. But I digress...

So we will, indeed be getting married, and I will still have insurance. My boyfriend is out of school and works full time, and I'm a full-time student with a part time job.

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel! I'm 21, and my son is almost a year old now. I knew that my family would take it badly, so we told his parents first. We knew they would take it much better, since they've pretty much been expecting something, marriage or a baby, for a while, and his older sister was pregnant at the same time.

But my family didn't entirely approve of my boyfriend and marriage should always come at least a year before a baby. It ended up that the news was leaked to my grandma through a distant relative of my boyfriend that knew her through church. She was much more receptive to the idea than I would have thought, since she's very religious.

Next, I told my mom. It was just me and her one night, and she was in a good mood, and I told her I had something to tell her, and I got an ultrasound photo out and just kinda...blurted it out. She took it badly, like I expected, and didn't say a word to me. She just went to her bedroom and slammed the door.

I went back to my boyfriends house, and a couple days later she called me and wanted to know when the baby was due and what was I thinking, and how had it happened (I was on the pill at the time). She also tried to pressure me into abortion, which I do not believe in at all.

It took her a good month, but she came around. She wasn't happy about it, of course, but she accepted it. I never could get up the courage to tell my dad. My mom told him one night and after giving him a few days for it to sink in, I went over there and talked to him. He took it MUCH MUCH better than I feared.

My other grandma and her husband took it just as well. In fact, my grandma told me she had already suspected for a while (I was about 6 months along before my mom told my dad, but I didn't show until a few weeks later).

The reast of the family found out through word-of-mouth or when they got the baby shower invitations in the mail.

Hopefully, your family will take it well, but try not to have high hopes going into telling them. Unfortunately, their first reaction probably will be dissapointment, but tehy'll come around and they'll love that baby just as much as anything.

And about marriage- Don't rush into it just because of the baby. You won't be ready for it, and it will be extra hard to adjust to two huge life-altering events at once. Also, if it doesn't work out, you may come to resent the child for forcing it upon you.

If your insurance doesn't cover pregnancy, think seriously about applying for medicaid. They have a plan that will cover pregnancy expenses, as well as cover the baby for the first year. You can use it alone, or as a supplement to your own insurance. It's a wonderful program, and being pregnant automatically qualifies you. It's not a bad thing to need help paying for medical bills, and pregnancy causes a lot of them. It's very important to make sure to get quality prenatal care and those vitamins alone cost hundreds!

I applied for medicaid about 4 months into my pregnancy, and they actually covered some existing bills, too. I was surprised at that.

And check out the WIC program, too. It's a little like foodstamps, but you can get baby formula. One of the nurses at the hospital I went to gave me the contact information for them. They really encourage breastfeeding, and if you are nursing they will also give you milk, eggs, cereal, juice, carrots, tuna, that sort of thing.

Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 2

Well, I would approach it in a very mature manner. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and that things have been thought about.

What I would do is tell them the news, and then tell them about how the two of you are going to "alter" your plans to accomodate the "creation" of your own little family. They are going to wonder about if you two really love one another, and if a marriage is down the road. Whatever you do, don't rush to get married before the baby! The pregnancy will be stressful enough!

They will want to know about finances, how do you plan on supporting your little one as well as yourselves, and what about your education plans. Maybe before telling them, I would (just to explore all avenues) check into what assistance you can get as students and your health insurance. With you taking time off from school, and if you are on your parents' insurance, you may be dropped if not a full time student at all during the school year. You should also explore income options (is he going to get a job while in school, or you get a job), and also look at child care. Who will care for the baby while you go back to school?

What I would do is sit down with your man and discuss your plans first, and then write them all down. Use that as a guide. Having thought about things and looked at all of the options will not only make you more prepared, but it will make you look ready for what is about to happen to your lives, and make you look like it's not an accident, but a surprise.

Congratulations and good luck!!

Answer 3

Hi, I am on the same boat right now, except I'm 19. What I did was sat my mother down privately and told her I was going to have a child and that I am so excited. See, I'm in college and well into my Junior year, and still have no secure idea of what I want to do with my life. But now I want to be the Best Mother in the World, and that's exactly what I told her. She was so happy for me because I was happy. I later told my 3 brothers my Oldest was a little upset at first but later we talked and now I feel closer to him then I did before. Go into the situation with confidence and tell them the truth. If you're happy they will be happy for you. Good luck and lots of love!

Answer 4

It without a doubt is the same person. I'd had an account on here for months with lots of points and my account has been suspended because I posted a message commenting on the exact person who was making someone elses life hell by stealing their pictures and re-posting their old questions with a twist. So I've had to forget that account and start again just so that I can ask questions that I have and help answer anyone elses question. It's terrible that 'we' the innocent get penalised by having our accounts suspended or have our questions deleted but that the trolls get to roam free and create multiple accounts. Anyway, if you were a contact of mine before (my name is still the same) then add me again. I loved reading all your questions and I loved all the answers you gave me. Oh and if anyone knows where Comet has gone (Nichola) can you let me know, we had been conversing before I got deleted.

Answer 5

First off, go in expecting the worst. I know it sounds horrible, but if you expect that, then whatever reaction you get won't seem as bad. Don't expect your family to accept this with open arms as you and your boyfriend have. This will probably come as a shock to them. You might even need to give them some time to come to terms with the news, but I promise you that in their own time and in their own ways, they will come to terms with it. Please remember what a big thing this is and how it is going to dramatically change your life. I know that you will probably miss more school than you are anticipating. It is a life altering event, but I wish you all the best.

Answer 6

Your 21 I think your family will react better than you think his will to. I just don't know about the getting married part. Getting married because your pregnant can turn out badly. Did you intend on it before you found out? If you live in the U.S. you can get Medicaid for your pregnancy I would. I'm not downing your decision to get married but if your having bad thoughts already I would put it on hold and get Medicaid. If I would have married the d*ck who got me pregnant the first time (witch resulted in miscarriage) not only would I be childless but I would be divorced I wouldn't have my beautiful twins or my wonderful hubby.

Answer 7

congratulatins. first of all as long as the two of you are happy that is the only thing that matters. my fiance and i just found out we were pregnant and had to go through the same thing. my grandfather is ultra conservative christian and was very set in his ways, so i thought. when i told him i started to cry and asked if he was mad and he said no he was very proud of me. now my grandmother on my fathers side was not as enthusiastic at first in fact i believ her exact words were oh ****. but the other day she called me and explained that she was very sorry and wanted me to know that she loved me and wanted me and heather my fiance to be happy. so i guess i'm trying to say expect the worst and be happy when its the best dont let them get you down this is a happy time. good luck



ps i dont think you need to get married. check with medicade. believe it or not you might qaulify. just a thought

Answer 8

Let them yell. They will not be happy, once they calm down they will help. Remember, as they are yelling, that they love you very much. Let them be mad, sit and take it. I would not be surprise if you parent want you to get marry. You should talk to you boyfriend, so he knows what to say. I am not saying you should get marry, I am saying just have an answer.
Tell your parents first by themself. Then you grandparents

Good luck, take care.

Answer 9

Good luck and congratulations!