Why Do People Dislike Me?

Question

I'm attending a community college. This is my second semester. I'm 19, brunette, 5'9", and fairly attractive. I am really shy and I don't speak a lot. For some reason I've picked up on dislike from people around me at school. This may sound paranoid, but it's getting somewhat obvious. People stare at me all the time. This girl beside me in History kept stealing glances at me today. It's stuff like this all the time. The worst is from guys. I've almost come to the conclusion that guys aren't nice to women period. Why do guys have such attitudes towards me? I catch people glaring at me or if I volunteer anything class, there's a ripple of laughter or some whispers. I DON'T GET IT! I don't say anything dumber than most of the other students. In fact, most of what I say is pertinent to the discussion! So could someone please tell me why I am having such a problem with other people. I know I'll never have a bf or get married....

First answerer: That may be it. I don't even look at people that often. But that's just who I am. I'm not interested in small talk and I don't socialize well.

Second Answerer: I did turn a guy down from my German class, but I'm pretty sure that's not related. I don't know about jealousy... I do know that my face is not very common. I've not seen one person there with my look.

Answer 1

Shy/introverted people are often seen as being stuck up - they may feel you're not speaking with them because you feel you're better than they are.

To get past this, you may want to join a number of small groups with people who have similar interests where you can feel more comfortable than in a bigger group of strangers.

It can be especially helpful to be with a group that is actively engaged in something - volunteering, pottery, etc. - so that the focus is more on the activity than socializing. Takes some of the pressure off.

If you want to date or get married, you can certainly do that - you probably just prefer to be with people 1:1 or in small groups as opposed to putting yourself out there in a big group. That's okay.

And if this is getting SO uncomfortable you're having to change your life around, you may want to speak with your dr. to see if you have social anxiety. If so, that's very treatable.

Answer 2

Okay sister-

Let address a few of those issues.
1. Lets change that negative attitude. Change you only- you can't change them. Shy doesn't work. (your wasting your energy and lots of time) Confident does. (be the leader-be the force)

2. Community college is only the 13-15 grades. No joke. Its the same High School politics. Be brave ask a dumb question- that will actually help them out. Really- no joke. Its a time of transition for all the folks there. Be patient.

Create a study group, look around the room pick TWO and give them your cell numbers and tell them to meet you at Starbucks or Student center and prepare to make A's for the next test.
[that is how I met my college boyfriends- they were actually in other classes with the same instructor at different times]

Be brave and bold- join a social group.
Got and DO on your own. Start with the movies after classes, then go to the museum or the college basketball game.
IF this means going Alone- then do it.

I did and enjoyed myself.
At university I joined a Sorority and loved it. I am not a party girl- I am a proactive girl and always wanted to "do more".

Answer 3

ok, let's just slow down here girlfriend....first of all, it sounds like you are a shy person for the most part. People mistake shyness for snobbery. I know this, because my Mother was a very shy girl growing up. She moved a lot and making friends was hard for her. The upside of this, is that she found my Dad and had 3 kids and has been married for over 45 yrs.

Take a moment, grab some courage, and simply ask someone in your class for help on a question...(even if you don't need it). See there reaction...if it's cynical...then ask if you've offended them somehow. Putting things on yourself seems to open people up to being honest. They may shed light on why you've been treated a certain way. Or, you just may make a new friend.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG W/YOU!!! Remember, we are all special, we all have contributions to make in this world. Evaluate your life and determine just how important these people are in the big scheme of things!! After all, you are there to get an education first and foremost. Good Luck to you !!

Answer 4

Those people are such jerks, they don't grow up after they Graduate High School, We're you a victim of Bullying while you we're in School, Listen to me I know where your coming from with this you need a Support Group since you're going to School at your Local Community College ask a Counselor maybe He/She will tell you what to do furthermore you can make Friends with some People Not everybody thinks you're Terrible Talk to other People I know you'll have a Couple Friends, as for Marriage/Relationship Its hard work and You don't have to have a Boyfriend/Husband to Please you.

ASK EVERYBODY IF THEY WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU.

Answer 5

I really don't know. Maybe some stupid person started a rumor about you?

Really I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Just be yourself. Don't worry about those jerks. You sound like a well rounded person to me (with the exception of your last sentence).... of course you will find someone when the time is right.

Try getting involved socially or in sports or a club, that way you can get involved with something you enjoy and make some friends at the same time.

Keep your head up girl, you sound like you are doing just fine without those kids at school anyway! :-)

Cheers!

Answer 6

You say you are shy and not outgoing, so it is likely you do not play by the unwritten, implicit "social rules" laid down in any situation that involves groups of people. Because you are not part of the group in this way, what you're probably experiencing is a manifestation of the "fear of the Other," a kind of social conditioning meant to induce the outsider to either stay outside or get a clue and join in with the group. I don't know which one of these options suits you, but, for my own part, I learned to live with it and revel in my own uniqueness (sometimes going overboard, but slowly learning what is workable without completely ruining my chances for living a productive life). I found a life mate (happily married 15 years now), and he said my differences were what attracted him to me. It sounds like you just need some practice at being yourself; don't worry about those other people, but do evaluate yourself in terms of your own standards and those of either a chosen religion, philosophy or workable moral framework, so that you do not slip into chaos. This isn't much of a suggestion, but I assure you this is part of "growing up weird," and I'm hoping to let you know that being different isn't necessarily a bad thing. Be true to yourself!

Answer 7

I have the same problem most of time I just want to live out in a cave somewhere where nobody is around I've been told from my sibling that it's paranoil whlie my friends would say it's just self conscience. The best advice I can give is to ignore them and the ones are possible thinking about u in a hatefill manner well screw them.

Answer 8

strong question. I dislike the guy who dislikes me. I say that because I keep to myself and do not reason any issues to be disliked. yet having stated that some human beings dislike me reason i'm quiet. that continues to be a dumb reason to me.

Answer 9

It's nothing to be real upset about! I myself am shy and have had the same problem. The reason this happens to you is because while you're being shy, everyone thinks that you are being stuck up. You don't speak to them, you don't hang out with them. They mistake your shyness for being "better than them." Even though that is not what you are doing.

Answer 10

You are definitely overly self-concious and lacking confidence. Chances are, most people are not giving you glares or laughing at you in class. And if they are... f*** em'. You shouldn't care so much about what others think. It is only damaging to your self-confidence and believe it or not, confidence (not arrogance) is probably the biggest factor in deciding how popular or unpopular someone is. You have to feel good about yourself and be positive if you want others to like you. Don't be so hard on yourself. I like you already!

Good luck!