Falling for a married woman?

Question

I currently work with someone that I have close contact with that I have started to have feelings for. The one and only fault is that she is married and has a kid. I know talk about horrible timing for me. I have only known her for a short three months, but in that time I have started to grow some pretty strong feelings for her.
I am honestly a great guy that would never move in on another guys woman,especially if they are married. Its just I dont know what to do. I have no one to talk to about this which is why I am asking complete strangers online here. I feel like there is flirting between us, but it could be my blind sight of a good friendship. I wish I could stop feeling something for her, but its hard to stop your feelings when they are very strong. In brief she texts me out of the blue a lot and seems to be touchy flirty with me but again I could be wrong. I need to know what I can do to either get her out of my head or something. She is all I think about and I know its wrong.

Answer 1

Well, a lot of married people flirt. Maybe it makes her feel alive and valued to flirt with you, and maybe she does return your feelings.

Since you seem to be very close, you need to have a talk with her over coffee or lunch. Tell her that you feel a connection with her but would never act on it without her consent. Make sure she understands that you respect her and any decision that she makes but you have to know how she feels about the situation before it drives you crazy.

If she returns your feelings, then you will have to let her decide if she wants to pursue a relationship. She is married and has a child, but she might not be happily married. If she does want a relationship, you need to proceed with caution because it might turn out to be a fling for her. You also need to be mentally prepared for the fact that she may be willing to leave her husband and take her chances with you.

If she doesn't feel the same way, you need to be prepared to continue to have a working relationship with her. It might be awkward at first, but you can work your way through it and be great coworkers.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I have recently gone through this! But I am the married woman, no kids. My professor seemed to be in your situation and I definitely returned his feelings.

It is VERY hard to have feelings for someone you're not supposed to have. I may be biased, but I won't judge you - or her- at all. You sound like a good guy and I don't think she'd be acting this way if she wasn't attracted to you back. And yes, it is good to feel wanted by another man and she may be just enjoying that part of it, but things can get out of hand pretty fast if your feelings become really obvious. Since it's work, the two of you might be in hot waters if it doesn't work out. In my case, nothing happened, but it was just school and when the semester was over, the contact was gone.

Trust me, I know what it's like to have someone who's wrong for you be all you think about...Going through that right now. Hey, since you're the guy w/ feelings for the married woman, you should read my question! Maybe you can help me out too. I would tell you to see how she feels.

Good luck!

Sara

Answer 3

This is what marriage mean for her...what do you think? If this was your wife would this behavior be OK?
Married women sometimes feel lonely to, even though they are married, maybe not getting attention at home...who knows the point being is that this shouldn't be happening from a wife's part. Flirting--boarder line but touchy feely and texting...no.
She is acting single....maybe you can ask her how's her hubby doing and if she withdraws even slightly then it is apparent to her that she is doing wrong and knows it, ask about her hubby1st--note reaction eye contact-face to face of course, then ask about her child, which most people can talk about there kids to anyone. I would start with at question about her hubby.

It is easy to say let go of your feelings but it is another thing to do it, maybe think about it this way, she's married-she has a husband-the guy loves/d her enough to marry her together they have a child, child loves mommy & daddy...
do you want to step in to that? She is wrong- don't be pulled into it.

Answer 4

Sometimes married people, for whatever reason, flirt with others because it is safe,(they think) and because a part of them needs to know they are still attractive to members of the opposite sex, besides their spouse. You are caught up in her game, which is is just a game more than likely. You are a diversion and she probably has no intention of leaving her husband.
You cannot delude yourself that this is going to turn up roses. In fact if this woman did fall for you and left her husband, you would never be able to trust her because you would have proof positive that a commitment meant nothing to her.
If you look at it another way, are you afraid of commitment? Sometimes people are interested in married people because they are safe and you don't have to commit to them.
Find a single woman, there are many of us out here who believe in commitment and don't play games. Leave this woman alone you are looking for trouble.

Answer 5

Darlin, it is not any easier for a woman. I am in love with a married man, and it is hard as hell anytime I see him. Well, I can tell you from experience, once you get a little of her, physically, but not sex, it won't be enough. Don't get physically involved. I made the mistake of fooling around, but not sleeping with, the married guy, and now I'm planning on sleeping with him this Saturday. I thought it would be better to not get emotionally involved, but I was wrong. DO NOT GET PHYSICAL WITH HER! It will complicate things more, and you will probably feel horrible.

Answer 6

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
Falling for a married woman?
I currently work with someone that I have close contact with that I have started to have feelings for. The one and only fault is that she is married and has a kid. I know talk about horrible timing for me. I have only known her for a short three months, but in that time I have started to grow some...

Answer 7

Sometimes feelings are caused by an emotional need. It could be that you have a need and she is filling it. Try thinking about what you like about her. What is she doing or saying that makes you feel the need to be with her. That might make it easier for you to find another way of filling the need. No matter how much you like her, you cannot begin a relationship with a woman who is married. It would cause a lot of pain to a lot of people and could end up hurting you most of all.

Answer 8

Sometimes it's hard for a woman whose married to ignore a handsome man that she's attracted to. It probably feels nice to have another guy give her attention when she's been with the same person for awhile. So she could very well be flirting with you even though she has no intentions of it going anywhere.

As for yourself you need to get out and try to find someone you can be with, even if that means putting a bit of distance in your friendship. Force yourself to go out with the guys and meet other women.

Answer 9

You didn't mentioned how's her married life going,is she and her husband are having good times or not,i mean do they like each other or not.You could be right that it could be your blind sight but to really know if she likes you just observe her behaviour with you.Maybe she likes you and if you also feel that she has feelings for you after observing her,then ask the question in alone and when she is an great mood,ask in such a way so that she doesn't get mad and answers your question in simple yes or no. Remember to ask the question only after observing her and if you are sure that she likes you!

Answer 10

Dang - bad timing is right. I have been in a similar situation on the other side - married. No matter how strongly you feel if you want to consider yourself a great guy in the future you need to do nothing. If she is flirting with you and I'd say it sounds like she does, she needs to make the move. She needs to decide what she wants to do with her marriage. It needs to be right or it won't work. You sound like a good guy and want to do the right thing. It will be very hard to do the right thing (nothing) because it sounds like you really like this girl. Continue to be friends but let her make the move if she wants it - and don't settle for being the "other guy". Great guys don't do that. e-mail me if you want to talk more about this...