How important is having a wedding, especially when you've never been married before?

Question

Because of problems between his family and me, my bf is considering getting married without a wedding. His family won't approve of us because I'm not a Catholic and that I won't convert. We've been planning for our wedding for months and now he said that the wedding is off because his parents won't be there. He's been trying to convince his parents but wasn't able to. He said he'd be in an awkward position if his parents aren't there for him. I don't know what to do now, because I've always dreamt of a perfect wedding. It really means a lot to me.

Answer 1

I think if a wedding is what you wanted before everyone else started protesting and making threats then a wedding is what you should have. Its only one day and one ceremony but it seems to mean the world to the two of you. If you allow them to discourage something as special to you as a wedding, you'll start adhering to all of their demands for the rest of your lives on things that are important to you. I think once you put it out there that the wedding will go on with or without them, they may actually attend it anyway because they couldn't influence what they wanted. And if they choose not to attend, don't let it get you down because the memories of that day will be much more encouraging and sustainable.

Answer 2

You've got some tough decisions to make. You need to sit down quietly with your fiance and have a good, long, serious talk.

First, it's a shame that his parents have taken the attitude they have towards you, but they aren't the first, nor will they be the last.
I am concerned that your fiance is siding with them rather than with you. His loyalty should now be to you over ANYONE or ANYTHING, and that's not what I'm seeing.

Also, I have a Protestant friend who married into one such family; VERY staunch Catholics. She herself is a wedding officiant. The WHOLE family disapproves of this and she faces confrontation EVERYDAY. (Catholics believe that only priests can marry people) So much so, that she is now doing something else instead of something she really loves.

I'm not saying this relationship can't work. There are MANY interfaith & inter-cultural marriages that are quite successful. But you both have to be on the same side. I think you're standing alone.

Answer 3

I got married over the summer and I can tell you - it went off beautifully (despite a huge storm that took out power for 7 days, we were married in a dark church!), but I often wonder if it was really worth all of the money and stress. Yes, that's partially because you can never gaurantee that Mother Nature or some unforeseen event won't get in the way, but it's also because I felt so distracted and pulled in so many directions on the day itself that it was like an out of body experience. I was so nervous, and had to spend the whole day mingling with family friends and relatives I barely know. In the end, I regretted that I barely had time to consider the meaning of the day, or to spend with my new husband for that matter. It felt like it was a show for everyone else and had little to do with our love for each other.

With all that in mind, I think you should consider that it's a commitment between the two of you, and while his parents' support is important, this is YOUR choice, together. The big, fancy wedding should come second to the commitment you're making to each other.

Answer 4

Do you no longer comprehend what a marriage actually is? the marriage is the criminal element of your marriage which demands a marriage license, an officiant, and a million-2 witnesses. no rely in case you get married in a courthouse, church, park, or coastline this is a ***wedding ceremony***. you are able to purely have a million wedding ceremony in keeping with companion (or in keeping with marriage in case you divorce then remarry them). something carried out after that day isn't a marriage. Its a occasion, anniversary occasion or a vow renewal at maximum suitable. Its no longer even a "reception" because of the fact a reception is something held the comparable day because of the fact the form. A vow renewal: no longer a marriage because of the fact there are no longer any criminal ends to it, you don't desire a marriage license or any witnesses considering you're already married. in case you come back to a determination at a later date to have a occasion, you would be having a vow renewal ceremony, no longer a marriage. that's as small or as problematic as you like. it is reminiscent of a marriage yet no longer actually a marriage considering you're already married. you are able to throw a tasteful vow renewal ceremony & occasion yet maximum are carried out after milestone anniversaries, minimum 10 years. maximum are carried out at 20, 25+. some human beings nevertheless, will see it as a redo considering you probably did no longer have a "ideal" wedding ceremony in the beginning. some will look down in this, maximum with a bit of luck would be chuffed to proportion your excitement with you. once you're already married and went to the courtroom abode, you've gotten a occasion yet its no longer a wedding ceremony ceremony. the rationalization would not rely, you chosen your approach to get married.

Answer 5

I can relate to this. My mother is Catholic and my father is a Nondenominational Christian. For several reasons, my father's father did not attend their wedding. However, both his mother and my mother's mother (my mother's father died when she was very young) were there and very supportive. My fiance's family will not even be invited to our wedding because of some very hurtful things they have said and done to both me and my fiance. It is very possible to have a wonderful wedding without all the parents being involved. I think that your fiance owes it to you (as you are going to spend the rest of your life with him) to have a wedding, even if it is just something small. I would seriously regret not having a wedding. His parents may come to regret not attending yours (if you do have one), but that is their problem. They were the ones too selfish and stubborn to approve of their son falling in love with someone of a slightly different faith. Talk to your fiance. I think you should have your wedding.

Answer 6

You need to reconsider converting.
I am not Catholic nor am I religious but when something is THAT important to your husband and his family it may be a sacrifice you should make to be the right person to marry him.
This will not go away, if you elope his family won't embrace you EVER and that will only put more strain on him and your marriage.
Consider your reasons for not converting and consider your reasons for marrying your husband, being with him forever and showing him and his family how much you truly love him and want him happy.

Answer 7

Sometimes life requires sacrifices.

Is your dream to have the perfect wedding, or to be married to the perfect man?

A wedding lasts a day, a MARRIAGE lasts forever (supposed to anyway).

Btw, Some people can't do this because of financial issues. They renew their vows, and have the pompous wedding celebration on their 10th/15th/25th anniversary. By then things should blow over with his family. Just an idea...

Answer 8

If you are not catholic then what are you? If you are christian then you have to have been raised Knowing you shouldn't marry into someone that is not of your same religion. Think about that as well. This is the most important desicion you will be making in your life. You should talk to your parents or pastor about this. Good Luck and God Bless You.

Answer 9

I do understand your dream of a perfect wedding, but the day is not the be all and end all of your relationship, are you willing to make a sacrifice and have a small and intimate ceremony? It is still a wedding, regardless of how small the event. I had to post pone my wedding earlier this year and was gutted, I would kill to have a tiny wedding, just the two of us, no guests, no presents, no pomp and ceremony, because I just want to be his wife.

Answer 10

Go ahead with the wedding. If his parents won't be there, that's their decision. There's no reason to call it off and never have your special day just because two people won't attend. Also, I would be concerned that he is effected by his parents so much and takes that much direction from them.