Do you believe in spanking your children?

Question

My son is 5 years old and the principle called me this morning and told me that he got wrote up for hitting another child. I don't know if he hit the child first or was defending himself but his conduct is not good at all. Other than that, he makes 100% on all of his work. I have tried taking away his toys and video games and making him go to bed early and nothing ever works. BTW, I do spank him and nothing works. Me and his dad are divorced. Any suggestions to help him improve?

Answer 1

yes

lets talk

treating kids like dogs will get them to change thier actions

but they are not learning anything

they simply avoid doing that thing to avoid the pain

force with a child is not the way to go

i don't have the answer

but i was never hit or spanked
and i have a life that i love
and parents i love

but while i was not hit as a child i wanted so badly to be understood and honored
on a deep spiritual level human level
and rarely had the experience of being known

it is a great enquiery

i hope you can get close to your son and that he recieves all your love and is fortified to be in this world

which can be not easy at times

for adults

and small ones

i admire you Kegg- YOU ARE SO GREAT.

I acknowledge your commitment to your son and to motherhood and being a single mom.

Answer 2

I spank my 5 year old and I have made it work but it ususally involves a combination of discipline techniques. First of all discipline needs to be consistent and that includes when he is with you and when he is with your ex.

You both need to spank for the same reasons and follow up with the same reinforcing discipline. For example, my daughter gets a spanking for hitting other children (she hasn't hit a playmate in a long time btw). I start by sitting down and explaining that she is going to get a spanking becase she hit her playmate. I ask her if she likes it when people hit her. I tell her that I need to remind her that hitting is unpleasent and unacceptable. Once the conversation is over I bend her over my knee and apply the spanking (never more than 3 quick swats). After the spanking is applied I hug her and give her a kiss. I ask her how she feels. I ask her to explain to me what just happened and why (basically re-hash the conversation we had not 2 minutes ago). I ask her how she thinks she can avoid feeling like this again. And usually she's put 2 and 2 together and realizes that not hitting = not getting spanked. The conversation last long enough to qualify as a time out and I make sure she understand the reason and the consequence.

My daughter is a joyful, happy, bright and extremely well behaved child. I think there isn't enough information out there in the media to explain the proper application of spanking. Pleople who don't understand focus on the actual swat itself but a properly applied spanking involves so much more. Talk, explain, inform, spank, love, explain again, and give the child a tool on how to avoid being spanked in the future.

But consistency is the absolute key. Discipline needs to be applied the same way and in exactly the same manner every single time. Be patient he'll learn.

Another tip, Reward good behavior lavishly. If my daughter doesn't get disiciplined at school for a month I take her to the movies.

Answer 3

There are times when a spanking is necessary. However it should not always be the preferred method of discipline. It is hard for young boys nowadays with the zero tolerance policy. Even though your son is only five still sit him down and talk to him. Explain to him why hitting is bad and that he could get into trouble. Also explain to him the consequences of his actions. Maybe the next time he gets into trouble, and he will, he is a boy. Sit him down and ask him what he thinks his punishment should be. Many time grounding him from his toys or some fun activity will suffice. I know it can be difficult at times, but you seem like an intelligent lady and you will do just fine.

Answer 4

try to stay away from spanking. to a child spanking is seen as a form of hitting. if a child thinks that since a parent is slapping them across the butt or whatever then they think it is ok for them to have some form of physical contact with someone else too an example of this is fighting. another thing that could cause your son to think fighting is ok since you are divorced is if you and your husband have ever faught physically. children copy what they see parents do so if they have seen you fight then they are going to do the same thing. talk to your child and try to work out some kind of disciplinary action that will get through to him. you have to be consistent about it meaning that you have to do this everytime he does this otherwise you will not make much progress. hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 5

Spankings are good at times, as long as you don't get to harsh and never spank when your mad. A mistake often made is a parent trying to be buddy, buddy and let them lean on their own. This puts them on the same level and there is no respect. They will do what ever they want because they they know they can get by with it. When they get grown, in school or on a job, they will still react the same way. Kids don't come into this world learned, they have to be taught.

Answer 6

OMG! I am going through this exact same thing with my six year old son. I'm divorced from his dad and his dad finally stepped in after all these years to try & help me with punishments for our son. It makes it hard on me usually because I know my child is a good kid and it just takes a little bit of effort on his part to make him obey the rules. Just don't get MAD at him. Try to talk to him about why he did what he did and explain how it was wrong.
We just started making my son write sentences when he gets home in addition to spankings and having toys and tv taken away. He hates that! I am in constant contact with my son's teacher also. Its slowly working on him I think. he's been much better at school this week.
Good luck with all this. I know it can be stressful and you sometimes just feel like crying. I feel your pain sister! It will get better!!!!!

Answer 7

Children do what they see. Spanking is a form of physical "hitting". By spanking you are modeling that it is okay to "hit". Even if you are using it for discipline. When a child is upset with another child over something (much like when and adult is upset with a child's behavior), he is much more likely to resort to hitting if he exposed to being spanked when he does wrong. Because spanking is seen as an acceptable way to "explain" what we want. Kids don't have the vocabulary to say when they are frustrated and by modeling physical behavior to them we are only giving them more inappropriate ways to act. I was spanked- not excessively and I chose not to spank my daughter (4 yrs old). However, on occasion I have found myself in frustration spanking her on impulse from habit. It is a hard habit to break and we talk about the behavior afterwards and I apologize to her after because I know I was wrong to spank and it was inappropriate. We do what we know. I was spanked and even though I consciously decided not to parent that way, In the heat of the moment, I sometimes slip up. Kids will do the same thing. The best thing is stop the behaviors as soon as possible and replace it with something else. We use feeling words. When my daughter is getting upset, I ask her what she is feeling. She will say angry, frustrated, etc. Then we can deescalate from the episode.The book "The way I Feel" by Janan Cain is excellent in teaching children about the different feelings and how to identify them. Also, "When Sophie Gets Angry- Really, Really Angry..." by Molly Bang is excellent for kids to identify their anger and what to do instead of acting out physically. Hope this helps you out some. Good luck.

Answer 8

No.I dont think spanking is a good idea. My dad liked to spank me a lot when i was a kid and it made me even worse as a person. I started to lose my self-esteem and i was so scared of him. I ran away from home and that only scared him to death. he finally learned how to talk to me in a very firm and mean way. it actually helped more. I ain't a father yet so i dont know if this helps but i hope so.

Answer 9

Spanking is the worst thing to do. You should never spank, Taking his toys away or grounding him for a reasonable time is acceptable, but it seems there are deeper causes. Youi should sit him down and talk to him, maybe he was just defending himself. In addition, the fact that you're divorced may have a bad effect on the boy. I think you should never spank and try to find out the reasons for his behavior.

Answer 10

listen to lowroad.

I was spanked as a kid. I turned out ok