Why can't I get over him, it's been six years??

Question

I am married to a lovely guy who really loves me, but I can't stop thinking about someone that I met travelling six years ago in Australia. The problem is that we never really finished, I just left the country, and I haven't got closure. I don't know if he still thinks about me, its been so long, but this feeling is driving me carzy, what should I do??

Answer 1

Whoever this guy is has had quite and impact on you and it's a shame u don't have closure. Closure to anything is always paramount. When relationships end because of someone hurting the other one at least u know why it's over and that it's over. I'm tempted to advise you to go back to Australia but I know that that would not be good advice. You should not jeopardize a good marriage for an unknown relationship that probably would not have worked out anyways. What I do advise is this - do what you need to to write this episode off as once that has touched your life in a good way and cherish it as just that but more importantly - cherish the good husband that you've got even more even more! There are so many bad ones out there. Find a niche to tuck away your life-touching experience of 6 years ago and let it be just that

Cheers

Answer 2

I am married and have the same feeling for someone that I was with . And there really isn't anything I feel I can do but smile when he comes to mind and hope that he is happy.
I wonder about him sometimes I have even googled for an address and things so that I can drop a few lines and say hi and see what he is up too, but then I think about my husband and he treats me right and he doesn't deserve to be dumped on just because I have things I can't let go of. So I hid all the pictures away, and when he comes to mind I say a little prayer for him and just smile, thinking of they way we were and I remember that if it weren't for the void he left me with I don't think I would have found my husband and that at least I have the memories, with no harsh goodbyes or breakup thoughts. Just good memories.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are with your perfect man. If this other guy was just a fling then leave it that way. If he felt all those same things about you surely he would have tried to get in touch with you by now? If it was a more serious relationship then what kind of guy let's you leave without giving you real closure or at least a letter/email? Leave it how it is as an amazing experience and save it for a rainy day.

Answer 4

Well first of all, shame on you for getting married when your mind and heart we not totally devoted to the husband you chose.

Now that I got that off my chest, I am going to assume that you love your husband more than this "mysterious man from down undah'."

If that is the case, it sounds as if you have "relationship remorse." The "what if I turned left instead of right" syndrome.

What I suggest is that you watch the movie "Sliding Doors." It is the story of a woman whose life is divided into two outcomes the split at a train station, where in one reality, she makes it onto the train and in the other, she misses the train.

This minor transaction leads to her life changing considerably.

The term you use "closure" is a pointless cliche one when looking at your life. I suggest you accept the man you are currently with.

I mean, does he deserve you thinking about other males? Don't you think that would make your husband feel as if he is not good enough or satisfying enough for you?

Answer 5

You know time tends to make things look better than they really were. The romance, the magic...
You say yourself that you are married to a lovely guy that really loves you. I don't hear that you are putting yourseld 100% in your marriage. Maybe because despite all the odds, you are still hoping that just maybe, one day...
Please, you do have to enjoy the present with all that it offers you now.
Who knows what might happen tomorrow?
Will you still be fit and beautiful?
Why hold on to the past when you should live the present to the full? Besides, this guy you think is lovely, how about giving him the attention he deserves.
Let go of the past;
I do understand what you are saying. I am finding it myself difficult to forget a guy and it's been about two years.
Only I have no lovely guy I've married who really LOVES me.
So...But I am ready should I meet someone who's worth it to focus on him 200%.
Let go and focus on what you have, cherish it and give it 100%.
Good luck.xx

Answer 6

Well...I wonder why you married your lovely guy if you were still thinking so strongly about your travelling guy?

And why aren't you still with that guy? Why did you leave the country? And - (this is a hard one) why hasn't he contacted you?

I wonder if perhaps you are a person who finds it difficult to love the one you're with?

I think it might help you to talk things through with someone, perhaps a a counsellor, in confidence.

You might need to go and find your ex...but I wonder hoqw you will feel if, in the meantime, you lose your lovely husband?

Good luck, I hope you find what you are looking for.

Answer 7

Somethings are better left unfinished. It's really hard to find a loving man and to have a good marriage. Be happy with what you have, and let sleeping dogs lie. I think we all have thoughts or fantasies regarding someone else when we already with someone, so I don't think anything is wrong with it. But to act on them may bring you more than you bargained for. Think of what you could lose, instead of what you most likely can't attain.

Answer 8

By now it is the fantasy you are fixating on, not the actual person. If you want to remain committed to your spouse, you should try to move on. Maybe replace him in your mind with someone else, like a movie star, and you will eventually forget. Or have a little pretend funeral for him. That will give you closure. You have to convince yourself. Good luck.

Answer 9

I really hope you find the right answer, because I have a similar problem, I would suggest that you send him a letter or email, never and I mean never disclose this information to husband because of husband jealously. It has been said that you will meet your soul mate once in your lifetime so look as your eternity in the making, but I pray that your soul is relieve and satisfied have you have enough suggestions.

Answer 10

Sounds just like the movies...... well gurl thats really hard you should have never married the guy its not fair for him but u need 2 move on it was just one of those wild experiences that of course you'll never forget but praying really helps confide in god and he'll pull you through it...