How has being the victim and/or perpetrator of sexual abuse affected your life?

Question

What deep impact has it had - and how can it be prevented.

Answer 1

I believe it is the main reason I got fat (if being pretty gets me raped, I will be ugly). And that has, of course, had a profound effect on my life.

But my circumstances are different because I was 13 when I was gang raped. My small Pennsylvania town was rather like that depicted in the old movie "Town Without Pity" that was playing in the theaters at that time. That is, the boys (and one adult male) involved were charged with statutory rape, not "real" rape. I was only 13, but the grand jury believed I had volunteered. Their reason? I did not find out until years later, but there were rumors about my older sister, and so assumptions about me. She was said to be loose, and even that my father had arranged to sell her. I do not know to this day if it is true, but the town believed it, and so believed that I had volunteered.

Imagine, if you can, a victim who survives an ordeal where she is afraid for her life, possibly even wishing she could die to get away from the ordeal, and then comes home to find people believe she volunteered. Imagine, if you can, such a victim at the age of 13.

Yes, it has had a deep impact.

The primary way we can prevent this particular version of the problem is to begin protecting our virgins again. Remember that a budding young girl is like a piece of candy to many of the people who see her, and some are lacking in self-control. However much you trust her, do not expect her to be solely responsible for her own defense. Protect her; don't let her go anywhere alone, or even with other defenseless girls. Go with them when they want to go to the mall and "hang out," and steel yourself to endure the company of giggly girls rather than put them in danger. Teach them self-defense, including mutual defense.

And part of the protection, too, is teaching girls to play fair. Don't dress like a slut if you don't want to be treated like one. Don't tease men, especially not men who have expressed an interest in being more intimate with you than is appropriate. Develop the art of cold disdain, which is far more polite and dignified than stooping to name-calling and the dirty dozens with men who forget their good manners.

Raise the standards of behavior, and bring back good manners. Rape is simply not polite, whatever else it is.

Answer 2

Victims of sexual abuse or molestation need quick intervention with professional help in order to avoid becoming hypersexual or asexual or before they become sexual abusers themselves. The long-term affects of sexual abuse vary from person to person and often stay with the victims for life.

People can overcome being overtaken by the effects of being sexually abused by either having a strong familial support system, recognizing that the abuse was not their fault, and again, seeking qualified counseling.

Answer 3

More than I ever knew until recent therapy. I was date raped at 14 and didn't have a very good self image at the time even before it happened. I suppose that's how I got myself in the situation in the first place. Back then, you weren't encouraged to talk about things that happened like that. They were kept very quiet. It really made me feel "ruined and ashamed" and affected many of my future choices with men. I'm glad I finally got the counseling I needed to recover. Even if it is 24 years later.

Answer 4

This question can not be answered very well in a limited format like this, It is too big. But I will try.

I was sexually assaulted by a priest as a 14 year old. It changed my life. I gave up on the church, (I had wanted to be a priest), I suffered horrible depression, I was confused about everything, I tried to forget about it, I tried to deny it, I tried to find a meaningful faith, I drank too much, my personal relationships were crippled by a lack of trust, etc.

My parents were oblivious to the abuse. The priest was a highly respected member of the community, and no one would have believed him capable of such behavior. He was Jesus representative on earth. He was a virtual saint.

Later, I discovered that he had been carrying on this way with young boys for his entire life as a priest.

What can be done? Parents need to be cautious. The church needs to accept responsibility, repent, and humble themselves. They have yet to do this in any truly meaningful way. Apologies are being forced in settlements, and they have the smell of hypocrisy.

There is unspeakable horror in this behavior. The damage is never ending. Healing is always limited and leaves many scars.

Very sad.

Answer 5

I concur that i would not purely checklist them to the elders yet in addition to the police. this is barely logical in a case like that. It actual would not be swept decrease than the carpet. i'm questioning however why you're asking. i understand you're against the training of Jehovah's Witnesses; perhaps you're even an "Exe", i don't understand. in the adventure that your genuine schedule is to understand and to make issues suitable, I commend you. in spite of if that's to make others that study this, suspicious of JW's greater advantageous than they could already be, i'm asking you to think of that one over heavily. Col. 2:18 permit no guy deprive you of the prize who takes savour a {mock} humility and one in all those worship of the angels... That is going for all individuals. If we are coming for the period of as "humble" while asking a query or answering one; then we ought to ask ourselves, is it in simple terms a sham or am I asking with a trustworthy coronary heart, which one??? in any different case, it particularly is purely like worshiping an angel particularly than Jehovah the main extreme God!

Answer 6

I was a victim, but in therapy they taught us to call ourselves "survivors," instead. I didn't tell anyone about the abuse until I was 17 because I had a younger sister that I loved dearly, and my adoptive father used that against me. He always told me that it was either me or my sister, and I would have done anything in the world for her. He knew that and that's how he kept a hold on me for so long. Finally, I tried to kill myself to get awya from it all because it got to be too much. While I was trying to save her from it, it was driving me crazy, literally. He had started stalking me, I couldn't have any friends, he would sit in the living room at night to make sure I didn't try to leave my bedroom, he would listen in on my phone calls to anyone, he would stand at my shoulder and watch what I typed on the computer, etc. It got to be too much for me to handle, and I just couldn't take it anymore. Finally, I had locked myself in the bathroom and my sister had freaked out and called my mom and told her something was wrong and I just broke down and told her what had been going on and for how long and there was a lot of crying and I had to go to the hospital and I got admitted for the suicide attempt and then there were so many police. For days and days it seemed like I talked to only police and no one else. Then it seemed like months went by where I couldn't sleep because I was so afraid he was coming back, but he wasn't coming to get me, he was going to get my sister because he knew it would hurt me worse if he got her instead of me. And then there were long days of sitting in court just to listen to his lawyer trying to get him visitation rights to my sister, and it took me a long time to get the judge to not let him have any and my mom had a really hard time getting the judge to agree to it too. It was a really big mess. I still have issues with it.

Right now, I still go to therapy off and on. I am 24 now. I am afraid of the dark and sleep with a nightlight or the light on. I am afraid of most men, and certain ones really creep me out, and I am totally iffy about all of them, and wonder if they are child molestors or not. I have major trust issues with just about anyone. I take a lot of meds...some for bing bi-polar, some for anxiety, some for panic attacks, a lot of meds...just to get through my days. It can be tough, but I have a really good support system, and I wouldn't have made it through with out any of the people that backed me up.

Answer 7

I haven't been a vitum of sexual abuse (thank God) and I don't know what a perpetrator is.

Answer 8

I hate myself,,i cant sleep in the dark
and i dont why?
i wonder that when they do that do they know what it does to you..
sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if it didnt happen..

Answer 9

No effect, for i have experianed neither one.