How to handle my 6 year old daughters extreme nightmares?

Question

Ever since those two boys that were kidnapped were found, I watch the news and it was a wonderful story about being found well my 6 year old has developed nightmares about being kidnapped from our house! every night, she is terrified of going to sleep unless she has one of us with her. I have tried the sleeping bag on my floor, staying with her until she is asleep but as soon as I leave, she is up screaming. I don't want to punish her but man i am so upset that she cannot trust me when i say nothing is coming through her window! What should I do? It has been over a week now from her first nightmare! I don't know if i should consult her pediatrician or not!

Answer 1

My son was having issues of not being able to sleep in his room. He was having nightmares, although I am not sure the cause. We had also moved but the problem had really started before then. Children do go through a stage of needing you in the room. Also apparently your daughter is a visual learner and hearing and seeing that on the news really stuck in her mind.

I know I am getting to the point on how to deal with it. I was was like you, I tried everything I could, I had even seen a couple of episodes on super nanny with the bedtime rituals, but her problem is not just that she does not want to go to bed, she is frightened out of her mind. This too shall pass. Keep doing what you are doing. You might also try a luby toy to help her, take her to the store and let her pick it out. When you are in her room reassure her that you are with her and you are still in the house. By a nursery monitore and put it in her room and let her know that you can hear her breathing. Show her by placing her in your room and you in hers. Talk in the monitore so that she can hear you. Then some it up, if someone is trying to get you, I will hear them and I will come running.

I tried the nursery monitore, but my son is autistic and he did not understand what I was saying. Your daughter probably will. If worst comes to worst, put a TV in her room and play happy stuff on it, that is what we finely had to do. My son goes to bed watchin sponge bod most nights. One night I made the mistake of letting him watch monsters inc. In the beginning the movie starts out with a fake kid saying night mom that sort of thing, and then the monster walks in to scare him. My son started screaming exactly like the kid on the show and came running in the living room lol.

I am sorry this is happening, but punishment could actually make the nightmares worse. I do understand what you are saying about it though, that she may be using it as a way to get out of going to sleep, or that she does not trust you enough to protect her but if she is having nightmares, then the fear is genuine, and you just have to keep reassureing her.

Just know that at six they really start developing an imagination, and I did not realize how many parents out there were dealing with this very same issue. For your daughter it is the news story you heard, for some it was nine eleven, or a show they seen on TV, what ever, but the age is still about the same six to ten years old. When I think back on it, I started sleeping with the light on in my room when I was six or seven years old.

Anyway, I would never make fun of you for saying what you said about the punishment, because I know exactly how you feel. When it is one in the morning and you have explained yourself silly and put your child back in bed a million times, so thoughts are going to run through your head. You are human and it is OK to feel that way.

Answer 2

**Elaeblue down below has a great answer about changing dreams. I learned how to do that. Read that answer below. Several posts below mine. Great idea I didn't think of.**



Give her a "special" item that keeps people from coming into the house without your knowledge. Tell her it's a special alarm that you put up.

Tell her that maybe those parents went out of their house or something. I don't like lying, but you have to make her feel safe.

Ask her what would make her safe. Talk about it. Let her know that while these things happen "occasionally", there's a big world out there and it's very unlikely to happen to her as long as you know where she is, and she does not run out of the house without your knowledge.

Tell her HAPPY stories before bed. Make sure they all involve how it's safe to be home with your parents. Her parents.

BE PATIENT, please! She needs your comfort right now. Fussing and punishment won't help at all. She NEEDS for you to understand what she's going through.

When I was little, I remember the first time I found out what an earthquake was, and for a long time I was scared just walking down the street, thinking the earth would open up and swallow me! I was also afraid that my house might fall into the ground and be swallowed up! Also, I did NOT TELL ANYONE how afraid I was! I suffered in silence. I was in grammar school, very young.

Do NOT dismiss her fears! These are very REAL to her!

If nothing else works, ask your pediatrician to recommend someone who can speak with her to alleviate her fears. Perhaps someone from your local police department can explain how they patrol the area to keep all of you safe.

.

Answer 3

Yes, consult her pediatrician, by all means. She is taking this news more seriously than some children. It's not a trust issue but fear of the unknown. Maybe you could take her to a crisis counselor to talk about her feelings.

What she needs is your love and support right now. If you haven't established a calming bedtime routine now would be a good time to do so. Read a favorite story, play a game or color before bedtime but don't let her watch TV in the evenings.

Answer 4

I have a 7 year old son that has been having nightmares since someone tried to break into our house. I would go ahead and contact her pediatrician just to be on the safe side. What I did with my son is have him come along with me while I lock up the house for the night. We have also counted the steps from my room to his so that he knows that I am only 7 steps away if he needs me. Good luck - I know it is frustrating when it doesn't seem like your child trusts you. The best thing to do is be confident to her when letting her know that she is safe.

Answer 5

I guess this really shows how much what we watch on TV does affect our kids. The National Center for Missing Children has a program for children that you can send for, maybe getting it and helping her to feel more in charge will help some or you may find a good child counselor who could talk with her about it.Obviously all that talk about kidnapping scared her a lot and she needs to explore that and rise above it but may need some help getting there. You can also teach her how to change her dreams, If she tells herself when she falls asleep that she can change the dream then she should be able to.You might remind her that that boy was picked up out side not in his house (it might help).

Answer 6

As a father of 2 daughters... both around that age, I'd recommend the following:

1.) Take your daughter around the house - show her the locks on the doors, windows, etc. Let her try to open one while locked, show her it's "virtually impossible" to get in. This will add to her security.

2.) Go into your bedroom, have her make some noise in her room - come running and show her you'd be there in mere seconds to protect her - day or night.

3.) Talk to her about her dreams - encourage her to fantasize about having special powers - she can fly away, or activate a shield that shocks anyone who tries to hurt her, etc. This can be a good solution long term as it's not dream-specific - just helps them turn a bad dream into a good one (not to mention, inspires creativity).

Lastly - put something in front of the window. If you have a dresser or something underneath the window, set up something noisy - tell her "If someone tries to come in, they'll make a lot of noise and get scared away".

I hope this helps - best wishes for a peaceful night for both of you!

Answer 7

I have a 5 year old that has had nightmares for years. After ruling out that there was nothing strange going on like kids picking on her or teachers being mean I took her to a specialist who told me that kids that have big imaginations have more nightmares. I still tell my daughter that she can "control" her dreams.... before she goes to sleep I sit with her and talk about what she's going to dream about... being a princess, santa coming etc... it seems to work somewhat but she still has the occasional nightmare but I enforce to her that it's not real and she has the special magical power only Princess' have to change her dreams... that's helped alot!!!! I just try to focus her on something else before she goes to sleep and by the way she's always afraid to go to sleep because of the dreams.... and they are always different nightmares but when she explains them they do have different things to do with what happened recently i/e: a big dog, something in the backyard... etc...

Answer 8

I had a similar problem with my six year old daughter around 5 months ago until someone gave me a trick called the dream catcher. It was a small paper plate painted gold with colored string glued from edge to edge like a web of some sort. A feather was tied to one side and it's center was cut out. I believe it was of Native Indian folklore. I hung it next to her bed on the wall with a push pin and she started to take to the idea. At first I had to shake it to "keep it working properly". She sleeps well today and it still gets a preventative shake here and there. Good Luck.

Answer 9

This may sound different, but my four year old has nightmares of falling through the ice. She would wake up screaming from these dreams. What i did was I starting "sucking the bad dreams out of her head". I take my hand and put it on her head and make like a sucking noise, and tell her that i'm sucking the bad dreams out of her head. I then go over to her toy box and start taking all these good dreams out of the box, I then "act like a have a handful of good dreams" I bring them over and stick them in her head, and I seal with a loving kiss. I know it sounds different but we do this everynight and it works. Hope that helps

Answer 10

my children are still all under 4, but i know that when one of them gets scared, i let them sleep with me just for that night. i don't know why she's not trusting you and what you say....try maybe lettting her go pick out a new stuffed animal, like a bear, that will "protect" her. maybe that's what she needs. i know when i've had horrible nightmares, which i also suffer from frequently, waking up next to my husband to grab onto makes me feel so much better. hopefully this is just a phase for her and it will go away...but if it does continue for some time, i would definitely get your daughter some help.