How do I specify that I didn't include guests on a wedding invitation?

Question

we have a large group of good friends coming to the wedding. our wedding site is small, and only holds 125 people. To ensure that we were able to invite all that are important to us, those single friends of ours in this group, we didn't expect them to bring guests, since we knew they would be among a lot of friends and wouldn't feel alone or left out. Some of them have assumed that their invitation was for them and a guest. How do we tactfully address that the invites were for them and them alone without offending them?

please let me clear up some stuff.

the invitations have not gone out yet. we have only sent out a "save the date" notification as of yet.

second, I had no intention of excluding established couples - that was never my intent.

I am only speaking of people that I know that happen to be single, and make it a common practice to attend events alone when they know that the other people in our group are there. These people often travel alone and they are aware that they will have a large group of close friends there to be with them.

Answer 1

OK!!! First let me just say that I can't believe that I'm actually going to answer this question seriously, I don't mean that your question doesn't deserve a serious answer, it's just that I don't do serious... But hey what can I say I'm bored and the adverts just came on so what the hell, here goes!!!

My advice is that along with your invitation you send out a "wedding alphabet", you probably already know what this is but just so I can totally reinforce how utterly gay I seem to have turned tonight, I'll explain. It is a list of the alphabet where each letter is the start of a single sentence. You can then use this to explain to all of your guests about the various things which they might find useful or that you would like them to know. For example:

A is for Arrival, please park at the rear of the building.
B is for Bottle, don't forget to bring me one.
and so on,
S is for Small, we're sorry but our wedding location is very small so please don't bring any guests unless invited.

You get the idea, well that's my answer. Good init... Well I'm off to go and have a bath in perfume surrounded by candles, so I'm nice and clean for my new pink flowery shirts that I'll be wearing from now on.....

Have a nice wedding.... I'm available for affairs on weekdays between 9am & midnight!

:-)

Answer 2

First - my apologies to you for all those that did not read your question.

You are clearly only referring to "SINGLE" guests - and I think there is nothing wrong with that since you are an intimate group that knows each other.

I don't read from your question that you have excluded others in established relationships - you just don't want some random "date" there. I'm with you 100%.

And it also sounds as if the invitations have ALREADY gone out.

Please correct me if I'm wrong on any of these.

Your friends have put you in a tight spot. The only thing you can do is call and explain that you are sorry, but they misunderstood, that your site's small and intimate, so you did not leave space to accommodate "dates." (An established couple is entirely different.) You can tell them that once everyone responds and you see how many decline, you may have space to accomodate them - but you must leave room for "invited" guests first. (Then whether you do have space or not, they will never know, but it sounds nice and makes them feel a bit better.)

Your only sticking point is if someone insists that this is a new bf/gf and the ARE in a relationship. Then again, say you'll do what you can once you see who declines or other nicity.

Reassure the person that there will be several "singles" there and they will know a lot of people, and surely will still have a good time. You could even let them know of another single they may want to carpool with, etc. (A guy friend of mine did this for a co-workers wedding. We were both invited as singles - no "and guest" - so we went togehter as friends and let the bride know so we could be seated together.)

Then make sure to follow through by carefully arranging seating as to make sure a single doesn't feel like a 3rd wheel amongst couples.

It will be fine.

Answer 3

This bride sounds like an entitled snot. First off, it was extremely rude of her to invite you to the bachelorette (where, I presume, you probably kicked in some money for her food/drinks and entertainment?) but then she didn't invite you to the wedding. Anyone who's not invited to the wedding should not be invited to the shower or bachelorette party. Period. Second, it's absolutely insane that she's being thrown a shower AFTER her wedding. Her wedding is OVER, and therefore she's forfeited her chance at any additional parties (with the exception of a casual celebration party if she had a very small wedding). Third, it's so beyond rude that she didn't invite you to her wedding but now you're expected to attend a post-wedding shower and bring her a present. What a piece of work. It's absolutely fine for her to choose to have a small wedding, but she CANNOT have her cake and eat it too by inviting all these extra people to additional gift-grab parties. If she chooses a small wedding, then she's made her choice and that's all she gets. She doesn't get a small wedding plus three other parties. You are correct - you should not spend any money on this spoiled brat. Decline the invitations and do not send her a single gift. Or, send her an etiquette book and highlight the sections about behaving properly for a wedding, because, clearly, nobody has taught this girl any manners. Shame on her parents for throwing her these parties and enabling her awful, rude behavior. Take this as a lesson about how to teach your own children, if you have/plan to have any, about how NOT to behave if they get married. If you decide to go to the barbecue, just give her a congratulatory card with nothing in it. I would not, under any circumstances, go to the shower ... unless you plan to give her the etiquette book.

Answer 4

You naturally have to think of number venue holds and also costs. It is awkward but weddng costs are hitting the roof and often people invited who are very comfortable and know many people at the reception and have no regular date just dig up people to go with them as in a work mate they are not even close to. Where I live a hotel wedding meal starts around £35 upwards, drinks package around £17 and evening buffet around £9.50. £60 plus is a lot of dosh to spend out on someone who often plays very little part on the life of the person you are inviitng However, it is still a hard one and some feel discriminated against if another member in the group of friends has an invitation for 2 because they are in a relationship. July hopefully mature people understand the position.

Answer 5

If these peeps are all your friends like you say, then it shouldn't be a problem - just let them know that they can't bring anyone. Tell your two best friends and have them spread the word.
Also when your invitations go out, most people should know that if the invite specifies only them, then they are not allowed a guest, or should at least phone to check.
Hope you have a wonderful wedding!

Answer 6

Technically the outer envelope of the invitation should only be addressed to the individual you are inviting and the inner envelope should just have their name. Most people would recognize that if their name is not listed with "and guest," then they are not supposed to bring a guest. But unfortunately some people are too tacky to get this. SO, your best bet is to screen people through their RSVPs - if they were invited without a guest and RSVP with one, just give them a call and inform them that unfortunately you cannot accommodate any guests because of the small size of the wedding site. If they are real friends they will understand.

Answer 7

Just explain the situation as friends they should understand - sometimes on the invite people usually put the number 1 on the back or in the top corner so that they know not to bring a guest.

Answer 8

Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding. I completely understand why you would need to make such a stipulation, as I was faced with a similar dilemma. Unfortunately weddings have a habit of taking on a life of their own. You should simply address the invite to the person alone and ask them politely to RSVP asap as numbers are tight. A true friend will understand, and you may also be saving them the stress of finding a +1!

Answer 9

I have to say that as a single, I have been offended on at least two occasions by just such an invitation. It does indeed seem as thought you can't get a date and you are publicly acknowledged as such. It is even more annoying when you turn up and realise that several couples have brought their entire family of children - now, that does not seem fair, does it? However, it seems as though it is too late now for you to fix this, so you really have to call each of these people and explain the situation carefully and sensitively.

Congratulations and best wishes for your future together!

Answer 10

On the outside of the envelope address is formally. Ms. Jane Smith, on the inside envelope write Jane. If they know anything about etiquette, they will know that only the name that is on the invitation is who is invited. If you did not write "and guest" on the invitation, they are to come alone. If they write in more than one person will attend, you should call them and say they are not to bring guests.