How can i handle the relationship with my brother?

Question

Hello.I couldn't find a way to solve a problem that has built between my brother and me for quite a long time.
Basically,he's loved to smoke and drink since he was a very little(approximately when he was 16 he started those)
To make matter wrost,he is one of the smallist guy and wickist guy i've ever known. It just hurts me to watch him smoking and drinking until he goes out of countrol.He's 30years old. I'm his
younger brother(22)There's a big age cap,as a result he does't
really care what i say about these issues.
My parents and me are really tired of this and don't know what to
do. Any suggestions will be really appericiated.
Thanks for taking time to read this!

Answer 1

I don't know your name but please listen to what I got to say, Your brother has a illness, Yes he is addicted to drinking by now, he cant just stop he needs help. And it doesn't mean that you can help him. Remember you need to take care of your self first and make sure you and your parents are safe.
Trust me, join a group in your sate where other people like you go Thur this every day. Those people can probably help you the most because they are in your shoes. look it up at www.nami.org and speak to someone I'm sure there is someone that can help.

Answer 2

I have a younger brother that drinks himself into a stupor every night. He is a professional and holds down a very good job, and pays his bills, but when he drinks he becomes a very mean person, who is very disrespectful to me and my husband. I have tried to talk with him, to no avail. Really, what I have learned, is you have to let them be. If he is under the same roof, he needs to be removed from the family, as if your parents are letting him stay there, they are only helping him with his addictions. If he's not living with you, then you need to decide if you want to associate with him. I have made it clear to my brother, that I will see him and/or talk to him up to the time he takes that first drink, then I am gone. Since he has on more than one occassion been a complete embarrasement on an outing with my husband and I, he is no longer invited if he plans to drink. It's simple, we have drawn the lines, told him the rules and we have been living by them. Strangely enough, it has taken him a few months to realize that we are serious, but he's taken notice as of late, becuase he isn't included in anything. And really, it's just the 3 of us in town, so it's not like he has other family to turn to. You can't do anything to stop his behavior. The more you try, the more frustrated you will become. You can only control your behavior and choose what you are willing to put up with. I strongly suggest that you check out attending a al-anon group to help you to deal with how to create a proper boundry from your brother. He is responsible for what he has become, and you are young and need to take this time to live your own life - not worry that he is throwing his away.

Answer 3

Well the best advise that I can give you is not to ride his back on these issues. I know first hand that it is not going to make him quite if you all keep badgering him about it. Try coming from another direction like finding out why he smokes and drinks. Most of the time there is a hidden reason!
It really sound like you are very concerned about your brother but you will not be able to help him until he is ready to help himself. You brother is probably very addicted to both things. It is probably going to take rehab for me to get over it!
Good luck!

Answer 4

It sounds like you are a really caring brother. There is really not much you can do to help him stop drinking and smoking until he himself is ready to do something about it (or if he ends up being court ordered to rehab). Hopefully he will come to his senses and realize this is not a good lifestyle and grow up. You are already doing the most important thing...loving your brother but at the same time living your own life in a productive manner and not getting sucked in to his destructive lifestyle. Good luck!!

Answer 5

He's 30 years old and he's still acting like a 16 year old? If he is living an independent life, there isn't anything you can do. But, if as I suspect, he is dependent on his family...maybe still living at home, expecting his parents to cough up money when he screws up etc, you all can help by refusing to be enablers. Make him get his own apartment. Don't give him money. Don't help him in any way. Force him to grow up. If he has a car repossessed---so be it. If he's homeless for a month, too bad. Be firm.

Answer 6

First off, you sound like a great younger brother and someone most people would love to have. However, your older brother doesn't seem to want any help. Until he hits rock bottom and realizes there's more to life he won't listen to anyone. If he still lives at home your parents should kick him out and let him try to make it on his own. If not, leave him alone and go on with your lives, don't cater to his. Wish I could have been more help.

Answer 7

He's a grown man and if he is not listen to you or families advice about his over indulgence with smoking and drinking then I say leave him alone and let keep him making his mistake until something goes wrong. Then maybe he will understand what you all have been trying to warn him about. I know it sucks that you love him so much and he won't listen to you, but sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they realize the real danger in what their doing to themselves.

Answer 8

i will truthfully say i understand the way you experience my step-brother is a 30 12 months old alcoholic and he does drugs at situations he's at present in reformatory for the 2d time this 12 months through DWI's our total family members has tried to assist him in one way or yet another and not something works he merely keeps to wreck himself and now he's buying it returned and that's no longer the 1st or 2d time we've long previous by this. i comprehend it extremely is demanding however the only element you're able to do is permit him go if he wont take your help or wont seek for help and merely blows actually everyone off the only thank you to save heartache is to stay your existence and subject approximately you and permit him do what hes gonna do,thats whats gonna ensue besides. maybe if actually everyone grew to become their returned on him that's the awaken call he desires.

Answer 9

Oh my God you just described my husbands brother to a T. He is in his fifties now and is still doing all those things. About 15 years ago (after many years of trying to help him) we decided we couldn't have that negativity in our lives any more. He stays in touch with his folks but we don't see or hear from him. Life is so much calmer for us and learned you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You have some serious decisions to make. Good luck.

Answer 10

being in a simalar situation at once i know how it feels..my brother was that way and he would get so loaded he tends to beat the crap out of people..just sits at a bar and starts fights....he drank constintly even would leave his wife and kids home and go out all night......well he messed with the wrong people and got scared for his family and now dont go out.it has been a year now and that situation scared the crap out of him he never realized how drunk he let himself get.....he got so mad when we begged him to knock it off and grow up.....i would deff talk to him and tell him to grow up and stop skrewing his life up.....before it is to late....my brother screwed up some good things in his life....now has to deal with it...........but remember you cannot make someone change they have to do it on there own...but when he realizes he is hurting people that will deff make him think about it so make it none your hurting.........goood luckkkkk get him some help if he will take it dont do it alone get family involved.........