How can you increase your pain tolerance?

Question

This might be a weird question. The reason I'm asking is because my wife seems to have an unusually low tolerance for pain or discomfort. It seems like the slightest little thing is too much for her to bear.

For example, if I bump my shin on the coffee table, I might yell and then rub it for a few minutes. But if she bumps her shin, she cries and then she's completely incapacitated for a long time.

It seems like any little ache or pain makes her unable to move. It's difficult for me to always be sympathetic because I never know how much pain she's really in.

It seems like there's always something wrong. One day it's her head, the next day it's her stomach, the next day it's her shoulders.. it seems to never end..

the other day she wasn't feeling well (like always) so she went to sleep on the couch without doing anything to take care of the baby.. I took care of all his needs, but I thought it seemed a little odd that she would just lie down and leave him like that..

This didn't just start when we had a baby either. She's been like this for many years. What I need to know is how can I encourage her to "not be such a wimp" without actually saying "don't be such a wimp". :)

Answer 1

Okay....

I'm a little bit like this, so I can tell you how my husband and I have handled it.

For years, I honestly was hurting. I was not taking care of myself, not eating right, not taking vitamins, not sleeping regular hours, I was sick but since we had kids, THEY went to the doctor, not me. It was the long-term not really taking care of myself that led me to be in actual pain. I had toothaches, headaches, and a general achy sick-feeling all over, and it was real, but I will admit it was somewhat self-inflicted, caused by the fact that I didn't do anything to prevent medical problems, and I kept taking tylenol, ibuprophen, excedrin, etc. etc. etc. to cover it up instead of actually doing anything.

Eventually, I landed in the hospital being told that I had internal bleeding, and if I had been brought in in the next 12-18 hours, I could have died.

That night, my husband and I had a VERY serious talk, where basically, I had to swear to him that I would tell him if there was really something wrong, and he would take me seriously. That means that now, if I have a slight throbbing, I can't act like it's a migraine, because I want him to take me seriously if it actually IS a migraine.

I would hope that you could talk to your wife about all this. Let her know that you love her, but that it's hard for you to gauge how she's really doing if everything is blown out of proportion.

Also, it is not at all uncommon for young women and mothers of young children to let their own health issues go. By this, I mean that our sleeping habits can get way off (even after the baby sleeps through the night), we don't eat as healthy as we should (it's just easier to pick up a chicken nugget happy meal for the kids, and while I'm there, I'll just go ahead and get a cheeseburger and fries for me), and we'll sometimes let health issues (particularly small things, like sleeplessness, depression or anxiety, or dental problems) go because there's just no time for Mom to be sick.

Here are some things that have helped my family over the last year:

1. My husband and I tag team a lot more often now. We have a standing deal that I get to sleep late on Saturdays, and he gets Sundays. He'll bathe the kids, I'll put them to bed. We'll switch the next night. There are some nights I do it all, other nights he does it all. If I need to take 2 nights in a row (I have an incredibly stressful job and it wears me out sometimes), I pay him back, and vice versa. Believe me, this actually is part of my answer to your question.

2. Encourage your wife to do the things you know and she knows she needs to be doing. I am in NO WAY saying you should holler "HEY GET ME A SANDWICH WOMAN!" I just mean that if she's always claiming to be sick, she needs to go see a doctor. She may also need to talk about getting antidepressants or something, too (depression can cause people to feel sleepy all the time, have insomnia, have general aches and pains, etc.). Basically, you need to get her to actually face what's going on with her. It is normal to be tired sometime, and it's normal to leave you to take care of the baby alone occasionally. It's not normal to feel tired all the time, to constantly have a backache, or a headache, or a sinus infection, or whatever. But rather than pretend those aches and pains don't exist, or than telling her to toughen up, maybe what she actually needs is for you to say, "Hey, just make an appointment with a doctor and let them know what's going on, because I want you to feel better." When my husband said that, instead of that I need to just get over it, it made a pretty tremendous difference.

3. Tell her clearly, but KINDLY, what's going on with you. Let her know that her constant complaints about aches and pains don't seem all that genuine to you, and that you want to be able to be supportive when there really IS a problem. In order for you to be able to take her seriously, she has to keep her complaints in perspective.


It wasn't until I was actually taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and mentally that I was able to see that I wasn't being as good a mother as I could have been, and I SURE wasn't being as good a wife as I should have been. I'm now having to go to the doctor a lot for an actual medical condition, and I take antidepressants. There have been times when I started to slip, and my husband would ask me if I'm still taking all my meds. If I'm up late watching a movie, he'll remind me that I need to go on to bed so I can get rested. We're both making an effort to eat healthier and exercise. I realize it sounds like he's kind of parenting me, but his reminders to take care of myself actually make it possible for me to go long periods without complaining of a headache or backache or toothache or just a general yuck feeling. In our relationship, we'd rather have some accountability issues set in place than have me feeling awful, him not taking me seriously, him angry, me tired, and our kids missing out.

So, there, I don't think you can really do all that much to "increase her pain tolerance", but I think maybe you can encourage her to be honest about it, and to fix whatever may be wrong. That will go a lot further in your relationship, in my opinion, than telling her to get over it.

Answer 2

I believe I have answered this question before recently. In the matter of pain it is an individual thing. Some have more or less tolerance for pain. Unless you have a physical disorder we all experience pain. Pain is the body's early warning system for eminent danger. You can increase your tolerance for pain only from training. There are no easy ways out. I wish there were. I had a somewhat lower than average tolerance to pain when I started training. Now I believe I have overcome that obstacle by training through the pain. It is truly mind over matter. Persistence and reason will prevail if you let them. It is true also that parts of the body will "toughen up" and become more resistant to pain and bruising through careful training. You must endure some discomfort to achieve your goals. Remember also pain is your early warning system to danger so learn to discern what level of pain is acceptable before injury occurs. Since you posted a question in this regard I assume you are experiencing a low threshold of pain. All I can say to this is that it can be overcome. You just because of your individual make up you will have to try a little harder than average. But who the heck wants to be average. Good luck with your training and hang tough.

Answer 3

mhm, let's see...
there can be many reasons for this, if she's always been like this - well, everybody responds differently to pain. it might be fine with you - but tough for her.
pain always causes anxiety. thats for sure. so she might be very afraid of having the pain, then it does feel more intense to her.

or: maybe at one point in her life she experienced a lot of pain (sometime over a long period of time) which kinda weakens the body. that often causes that above mentioned anxiety of pain, and/or there is a so called 'phantom-pain' which means that physically, there is nothing at all - she's 100% healthy, but there is some wrong information triggered off in the brain (which does not mean that she's crazy or anything like that). it's a neurological disorder, with (i think) no, or only moderate chance of actually 'curing' the patient. of course you can give them pain meds lowering the pain making it more bearable for her...

you need to take her to a doctor and get her checked out to make sure she's not having some kind of desease.
if she's allright, try talking to your doctor and maybe ask him if it would be a good thing talking to a neurologist.

important: talk to her, make her feel you are taking her pain seriously (cause it is a serious situation for her, even if you think she's a whimp). encourage her to go see a doctor and get checked out.
you might want to go with her for support.
good luck, hope it will get better.

Answer 4

Gee, your wife did not feel well and who had to take care of all of YOUR babies needs. That is awful

If your wife went through childbirth, she has felt pain.

Maybe, she is genuinely sick. That may not have occured to you.

Her nerve endings maybe hypersensitive. I have a medical problem where I have passed out from the pain of a cold breeze and brushing my teeth.

Maybe she is depressed, depression causes pain. Has she been to a doctor, had a full physical and neurological work-up. The next time you post this question out here, maybe you could fill in the results of her medical exams.

Answer 5

She may be depressed after having a baby, I would talk to her doctor. If she has always had a low tolerance for pain she should try going to a relaxation clinic and learn how to deep breathe and relax. Your doctor should recommend one if you live in Ontario as part of the fee will be covered by OHIP. I went to the Dorothy Madgett Clinic in Toronto several years ago and it certainly helped. Good luck.

Answer 6

This sounds like something other than a low tolerance for pain. I agree with those who have suggested it might be depression. Encourage her to see her doctor if you can.

Answer 7

Get her some B12 vitamins to boost her brains.
And get her some blueberries, apples.
U are a good man to help your wife out like this.
But women do go thru some rough pains in life.
God richly bless ya.