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an old friend age 16 is having a baby next month. and is marrried to the father of the baby she is 16 and he is 27. He has another kid already from another lady and doesnt do anything for the baby or its mother and he left her while pregnant. He wants to leave my friend now thats why she married him. They dont have any money. she is living with him. he is a plumber and she had to leave school at the end of last year. I need to help her but i firstly dnt know what to do and secondly what to say. She is throwing her lefe away pls ppl :( :( :( :(

2007-01-24 01:43:59 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting Grade-Schooler

15 answers

You can't look at her life and feel like shes throwing it away. Never let her know that your feeling like this either. When I was 16 I had my first child and yes there was alot of people that let me know how they felt about it. Those people are no longer in my life! I am now 22 with 2 boys, a house,vehicle. I am no able to finish all my schooling yet but when my kids are both in school that's my plan. You gotta be there for her as much as you can. Try and get her on an independent living course so she can learn how to live on her own. She really needs to depend on herself, know one else so when something bad does happen like the daddy leaving she will be ready for it and not struggle. The best thing to do is look at her life as an obstacle that she has to get over..just because someone life doesn't go as planned doesn't mean she's wasting it away.Like my saying goes...Don't waste time planning your whole life out...Cause life has a whole different plan for you! I hope this helps!

2007-01-24 01:58:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

OK first of all let me say that I am sorry that your friend is dealing with this issue. It is a tough situation, one that is bigger than you. She needs older people involved. You also need to know that if she has made her choice she is not likely going to back down on it.

My best friend made some choices similar to hers and it resulted in many years of abuse, and her son has a lot of problems because of it. There was nothing I could do, I was to young, and besides nothing I said helped her to make the right choices. She was alone and needed companionship and she thought she was getting it from him, then when they came together as a couple, he abused her.

I prayed and I wished for a good part of the time that I was with her that she would listen, not until I backed down did she truely listen. It took six years, a couple of broke arms, and a trip to the hospital to have her daughter alone. And one fight that almost resulted in her death.

I was called by her mother to go and check on her son because she could not get ahold of his father. I had not seen her in five years,(she was having her daughter that day) I was told where she lived, and I went over there. Her husband was passed out drunk on the couch and the baby was in nothing but a diaper that he apparently had been in for many hours. I changed his diaper, and I had to put dirty cloths on him because he had no clean ones. I grabbed more dirty cloths and I carried him back to my house. I called her mother, and said I would keep the baby, for a while and I told her the situation she needed to decide to call CPS are take the kids herself. Which here that can be done. The mother took the kids herself.

I am happy to say that the story has a happy ending. One day I was in the church chior singing and my best friend walked in late with both of her kids. She had a sad look, but also a look of releif and she had a black eye and other bruises on her face. She went and sat by a friend of mine that we have both known for many years and when I left the chior loft instead of going to my husband I went and sat by her. I have never mentioned what happen with her little boy who is now eleven years old, I just told her I loved her. She did leave him that very day. It was heart breaking but also a releif. I wish her son would have had a better role model because now he is just as abusive.

Each time your friend comes to you she needs you listen, but don't keep mentioning her throwing her life away, this will further separate you as it did my friend and me. When she needs help, help as much as you can, and if she goes back, greive but let her be unless the child is in danger. You can only say and do so much, but your friend needs you to just be there. She knows what she is doing is wrong, she is just wanting something more, and she is going to try to get that no matter what. You have told her all you can, now you need to step back and leave her be. No I told you so, or look at you are throwing your life away. Just be there, and help pick up the peaces, she will see from her mistakes.

I wish the answer could be better. I want to be able to say grab her and run, but it can't be that way, I am sorry. Do pray if you beleive in praying.

2007-01-24 10:12:46 · answer #2 · answered by trhwsh 5 · 0 0

How did the state let a 27 year old man marry a 16 year old girl, that is considered stagitory rape. Anyhow If a 27 year old man had sex and got a 16 year old pregnant then she doesn't need to be with him, he is a creep and a loser, just be her friend and help her out however you can.

2007-01-24 01:49:01 · answer #3 · answered by echc 3 · 1 0

Consider telling a trusted teacher at school, or a social worker. Does she want to keep the baby? She can put the baby up for adoption, which may afford it opportunities that she may not be able to provide. Also, it would give her a chance to go back to school, finish her education and get a succuessful job that pays more than minimum wage.

2007-01-24 01:57:07 · answer #4 · answered by sunflower_sbh 1 · 1 0

!!that man need to be in jail he is a pedophileWho let that child marry him. They need to be put in jail.
Talk to a trusted teacher or your parents. Somebody.Maybe she don st see a way out. He is a loser and worse.
She needs to go back to school. There are programs for girls like her.
Do you have trusted family or friend ? talk.
Social services need to be notified. A fifteen year old married and living with a 27. he needs the jail set down on him

2007-01-27 11:23:11 · answer #5 · answered by tennessee 7 · 0 0

There is really nothing you can do. You can try talking to her but she probably thinks she can't be without him. Tell her what you feel and think about the situation but don't stress yourself out she will leave the relationship or change things when she is ready. Bring it to her attention once or twice but leave it alone after that or she will distant herself from you because you don't support her. Be there for her regardless and when she does realize (because she will it maybe years) don't say i told you so just help her.

2007-01-24 11:26:12 · answer #6 · answered by smwolf_2004 2 · 0 0

This is not a life/death situation.Find a counsellor at school to talk to .He may be able to offer some advice to help your friend.She will need to get financial support from the government. He should be reported to the police.

2007-01-27 22:54:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Sorry to say this is NOT a life/death situation. A horrible, tragic situation, but not a life/death one.

Talk to whoever's in charge of the school and ask for details on whatever help is available.

2007-01-24 01:53:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

no offense, but tell her to get her act together. Doesn't she know it is ILLEGAL to have intercourse before 18? She won't be prosecuted, but the guy will...that's automatically classified as rape if it happens with ANYBODY under 18. Hope it turns out. Refer her to Child Protective Services.

Please...PLEASE ask her to STRONGLY consider adoption. This is likely the best adoption.

2007-01-26 09:03:09 · answer #9 · answered by Busta 5 · 0 0

it's nice that your being such a good friend but in the long run it's her decision and she can not do anything about it until she is ready to. you can talk to her and tell her you are worried about her and are always there for her if she need you but other than that threes not to much you can do .. good luck I hope you friend comes to her senses

2007-01-24 01:57:47 · answer #10 · answered by cowgrl3611 5 · 1 0

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