I have bought him a baby doll and pushchair, we spend time around other babies, and we talk about the new baby coming all the time. I have been looking for books to read him on the subject to get him used to the idea, anyone know of a good one? Any other ideas to help? How did your kids deal with new arrivals? How did you cope with jealousy or sibling rivalry?
2007-01-24 01:29:36 · 14 answers · asked by dali 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Your doing great, I took my daughter with me to the scans and involved her in name choosing, she thinks she named her brother although it was my choice.
When she came to the hospital in the crib was a nice present from the baby and a card saying 'I love you and want to be your best friend'. When visitors came I had told them previously not to go straight to the baby but to her, and if the baby had a present maybe a tiny one for her would be nice, most people were great about it and I think it did make a difference. I spent quality time with her and left the baby at home and took her out even if only for a couple of hours. She helped with lots of little things, yes you will get the odd heavy handed incident but that's to be expected, after all he's had all the attention for all his life. I found 2 great books that dealt with sibling jealousy, one called 'The little monster did it' the other 'When the teddy bears came'. I have 2 kids, yes they bicker and argue as siblings do but nothing like a lot of my friends kids.
2007-01-24 10:03:38 · answer #1 · answered by Lulu T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Oldest daughter was 4 when my son was born, and she was in the hospital room when he was born. She stood next to the warming table while he was getting checked out and held his hand (or he held hers). She still remembers that, and they have a great relationship. My son was also in the room when he was 2 and my youngest daughter was born, he doesn't remember as much, but he seemed to enjoy being part of the excitement, and helping me through some parts of the labor.
I prepared both of my older ones the same way you are, by helping them learn what is okay and what isn't okay with dolls (don't poke the baby's eyes, don't sit on the baby, etc.), letting them feel my tummy, reading books, looking at baby pictures in magazines and books, and talking to them about the new baby. I also allowed them to be very involved in everything, including ultrasounds and shopping for the baby - from the beginning they had a sense of responsability toward the new baby. After the baby was born I gave the sibling/s responsabilities - like getting diapers and wipes, picking out clothes, filling a bottle, singing to the baby, etc. I also made sure that the older ones had time to get to know the baby too, they were allowed to hold the baby (very supervised of course), and I taught them ways to play with and entertain the baby.
Neither of my kids went through any serious jealousy. I taught them both early to ask if they needed attention, and they both picked up on it very well. Both of them did regress a little bit, especially my son who was 2 when his sister was born - he wanted to be treated like the baby, started using more baby-talk than usual, and reverted in his potty-training a little...he required more attention than usual, but got over it within a month.
My son had a book called "I'm a big brother now" that he just loved.
Hope some of this helps :-)
2007-01-24 02:34:00 · answer #2 · answered by eurovac 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My daughter is 3 years old and my son is 8 weeks old, to prepare her we bought a book about being a big sister, Is by us-borne and is called the new baby. We also bought a doppler on eBay for about £20, we talked about the new baby all the time and when we listened to the heartbeat she really started to get into it. We would listen to her heart and her dads too. She has been fine since Jack came along, she's a real mother hen!
We also bought her a present from Jack, a Fifi and the Flowertots doll, which she loves. I'm breastfeeding Jack and Zoe tends to make that her time to ask me for things, like a drink or crisps. I now make sure that she has a drink and a snack and I put on a DVD for her to watch before I start to feed. I think its just attention. I felt really guilty at first but that does go away.
2007-01-25 02:31:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are so close together in age that the sibling rivalry will be intense. "Sibling Rivalry" by Faber and Maszlich is a great book that can help you understand more of your oldest perspective on being dethroned. He's so young, this is all very abstract to him and he won't really know until the baby arrives.
Do everything you can not to give your oldest the message that he's a big boy now - he's a baby. Still. He deserves to be a baby. Still.
Accept and allow him to verbally express his anger at the new baby, his desire that the new baby go back to the hospital. Don't tell him - You don't mean that or That's so mean. Say, "Wow, you're really mad about the baby." And let him talk some more.
You are rocking his world. In a year, he might be happy about it, if you help him by accepting his reactions, not trying to make him grow up and get jipped out of his mothering needs.
I've heard of some psycho people who actually put their toddlers in day care when babies are born - psycho I say because the insensitivity to making the oldest child feel abandoned and excluded is breathtaking.
2007-01-24 01:38:09 · answer #4 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Our son was almost 3 when our daughter was born. The two things we did that I believe helped most to ease the transition were first, we took our son to the hospital before the birth and he took a free "sibling" class where a nurse talked to him about becoming a big brother and things he could do to help mommy. That got him excited about doing "big kid" things to help out. You might want to find out if your hospital has a program like that.
Second, we had a "Big Brother" party about two weeks after our daughter was born. We had cake and a few gifts for him and friends and family stopped by. Our son wore one of those "I'm the Big Brother" shirts and *he* was the one who got to introduce our daughter to all the guests meeting her for the first time. It really helped because all our guests made sure to make it clear they were just as happy to see him as they were to see the new baby - that he hadn't been "replaced" in his grandparents'/aunt & uncles'/family friends' hearts by this new kid.
Hope everything goes well for you!
2007-01-24 02:44:41 · answer #5 · answered by happyhomeschooler 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes the baby doll thing is a really good idea. Teach him how to take care of that doll like your going to be taking care of the new baby. So when the baby does come he can change and feed his doll when you are changing and feeding the baby. He wont feel left out or jealous because he has to do the exact same thing as you.Make him feel like his job is just as important as yours. I did this with my 3 year old when his brother was born and it worked great.
2007-01-24 01:49:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It helps to get your relatives or somebody who you can trust (even your spouse) to come and help with the new baby as much as possible. You will want to make a point of spending private time with your 2 year old son (without the baby) to make sure he knows he is still special.
2007-01-24 01:35:21 · answer #7 · answered by spot 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and a 2 month newborn. I was worried with both of my new babies coming. To my surprise, I didn't have any problems. They love to help with the baby- so let your older one help with getting diapers or picking out clothes. Make sure you give the older one one on one time and make him feel special. I have only had one problem with jeolousy so far and we got over that. Just make sure you love your babies and they both know it.
2007-01-24 01:38:34 · answer #8 · answered by kelliemag 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's hilarious that we believe there is some kind of therapy or counseling necessary to bring a new baby into a home. What did we do in the 10,000 years PRIOR to the invention of all this lame psycho-babble crap? He'll figure it out without all the extra attention being lavished on him, just as humans have been doing for eons... The more you call attention to it, the more he's going to stress over it.
If you insist on reading a book, try anything by John Rosemond.
2007-01-24 01:35:37 · answer #9 · answered by I hate friggin' crybabies 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
my son was 18 months when my second son was born. we told him that he was going to be a big brother and made a big deal about it. when the child was born we brought his brother to see the new baby and he was a little curious. we made him a part of the baby from the get go. he was now a big brother. we bought him a present and gave him small jobs to do. he helped by bringing me diapers for the baby and helped me bath the baby. this was his baby brother. and he was proud to be a big brother now. good luck to you.
2007-01-24 01:35:16 · answer #10 · answered by littleluvkitty 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋