surviving motherhood?

Question

My little sister is 19 and just found out she is pregnant. She has never had a job, no car, never had any responsabilities. I don't know how she is going to support the baby, my fathers income is very little, and she still lives with my parents. The baby's father isn't going to be around. To look at her situation, she is having a baby for my mother to raise. My parents are older and both have health problems. What I am looking for here, is young single mothers who have sucess stories. I need to not only motivate and encourage her, but encourage and comfort my mother. I know everything will work out, but I don't know how.

adoption is not an option in our family, niether is abortion. We as a family can give the child what it will need, material items, and true love. But I want my sister to become a responsable mother. So we need to encourage her.

Answer 1

What's done is done and what's coming is a coming whether anybody likes it or not. Some of you poster's on here act like you've never done anything wrong, but wasn't it our maker who said he who is without sin cast the first stone. It's also funny to me that someone can so easily and quickly judge as well as tell another what to do when they've never been in those shoes.

I was a teen mom, pregnant with my first at 16. It was one guy, one time unprotected. Haven't you ever had a drive of motivation that grew from everyone else telling you that you couldn't do something? Michael Jordon, believe it or not, was cut from his freshman high school basketball team. (true fact) Where would he have been if he just said I guess I'm just not cut out for this?

Having a baby at any age takes a lot of love, patience, dedication, responsibility, selflessness, courage, underatanding, self disipline, and maturity. Yes, much will be sacrificed and it will make her grow up faster than she'd like, to the point that she will feel as if she's living a life ten years ahead of her time and will cause her to develop a sense of feeling left behind. However, the rewards of parenting are more than worth it. She is young and does lack the experience of being a mom but so does everyone else at any age the first time around. What she lacks in life experiences will be made up for in her energy to thrive, which is at a disadvantage to most older mothers. Also I've heard it said that "if you try to financially prepare for a baby you'll never have one." It sounds as if she is still in the first trimester of her pregnancy because the initial shock of it all still seems evident. Us as human beings go through phases with any major change in our lives. First there's denial, then rebellion, next is preparation and finally acceptance. All that are involved with this pregnancy will go through this over the next nine months. Did you read that? NINE MONTHS!!! That means that the baby isn't going to pop out tomorrow and say here I am raise me. She has time to prepare as well as accept this new life.

I am almost 27 years old now, and my son almost 10. He is a straight A student (on every report card) in fourth grade. He reads at a middle of sixth grade level, can calculate sixth and seventh grade math problems, is a mentor for other students in his grade who are struggling, has greater patience as well as a greater attention span than even I have at times, and a great brother to his siblings among other things. He plays center for his biddy league football team and catcher for his baseball team. I have even been told by teachers that he possesses valedictorian qualities. As for me, I completed high school a year early am still slowly working on a degree in Criminal Justice and now have, not one but, three kids to balance it all out with.

It IS one of the hardest things she will ever take on but constantly let her know how much you admire her strength for being able to do so. Have her seek any assistance she can (i.e. food stamps, WIC, Medicaid) Encourage her to talk to the father and let him know if he misses out he's going to regret it forever. They can both still be active parents even if they're not together. Hit him up for child support, especially if he still refuses to grow up and be a father.

Will she be completely prepared for the road ahead? No, but she will most likely be up to the challenge.

Answer 2

It isn't what most people think is a great lifestyle, but - in terms of your parents' not being too overburdened financially - your state's welfare program, food stamps, WIC, etc. will probably be able to help your sister; but she may need to move out in order to get assistance. Welfare programs offer case management and job training, and they encourage young mothers to be trained and find work.

If your parents are low income or have health problems this may be the only option for your sister. She should maybe call someone now to see if she can get assistance or if she can get on a subsidized housing list, etc. Even if she doesn't leave your parents home there is a chance there would at least be a little help with food, formula, etc.

I don't have any success stories. I know, though, that the people who work in the welfare programs may have a success story or two.

You're right, though. It will work out in one way or another. If your sister is 19 I wouldn't imagine your parents are quite as old as you may think they are. I could be wrong. If they're in their 40's they're pretty young. If they're in their 50's they're not that old. Even if they're in their 60's that, these days, is just kind of "late middle-age". Also, 19 isn't 16. The world is full of people who got married at 18 and had a baby at 19 or 20, so you need to remind your mother that your sister should be capable of caring for her own baby.

Answer 3

It is hard but she is not a 15th yr girl she knew what she was doing and she needs to learn to be responsible ....Is she in school or working???? IF not she needs t start looking for a job because it is not your parents responsability to support her and the baby, she needs to go and file for child support so the "father" will become responsible too and pay for the babies support... I fyour sis gets a job and you or your mom are willing to help taking care of the baby that will be fine but it will be only for her to go to work not to go party !! she has a big responsability now and she needs to learn also what your parents can do is ask her for $$$ like a rent so they can save that money for her with out her notice just in case of an emergency that way when she comes to mom and dad they will be able to help but ask to repay that money that way she wil start getting responsabilities... There is also medicaid , wic and even foodstamsps help that she can get in order to support her and her baby and that way she will help you rparents too.... The only support I think you can give her is helping her get a job taking care of the baby so she won't be waisting $$ on daycare but only so she can goto work .. And little by little she will be getting the point and become responsible for her actions just make sure she remembers she is not alone and that now she has a precious baby that will need her !!! good luck and best wishes to all !!! :)

Answer 4

oh my God, Cassandras answer is the worst.. Why do we rate here best answers and cannot rate worst???

I am now 30, and had a child when I was 19 (he's 11 now) ... I did not have the father around, and I THANK GOD FOR THAT, 'cause it saved me from a lot of problems, it was my kid, my parents and me...

I think the good thing here is to keep encouraging the family, though it looks a difficult situation, it can be handled somehow. She can look for part time job until the baby's born.. to feel the responsability.

Answer 5

If I were you I would really encourage your little sister to give the child up for adoption into a 2 parent home. This way the baby really has a fighting chance. She doesn't sound ready to take on this kind of responsibility, I know I would never have been at 19.

Good Luck

Answer 6

A friend of mine had her son when we were 19. I didnt know how she was going to do it, she was very irresponsible, her boyfriend was very irresponsible and they totally werent prepared. She found a job at a small office when she was pregnant and when she had the baby they let her bring him to work in a little playpen, she put herself on the list right away for state assisted child care and WIC, when he was 6 months he was approved for child care and she continued working and became the office manager. She struggles but she does what she has to do and now has a wonderful, polite, caring and happy 5 year old boy. Nothing helps someone grow up faster than having to be responsible for another life. Just make sure your parents dont constantly bail her out, she really does need to learn to do it on her own so she doesnt Expect the help but appreciates it when it is there

Answer 7

i got pregnant when i was 19, and i still lived with my parents, also, they have health problems, but they were still a big help to me. Although i did have my own job, i was able to pay for everything for my baby. MY job; howver didnt provide medical insurance so i applied for medicade, which covered those expenses. The babies father was never around, and i did everything on my own. Now i have found a better job, and i am about to move into my own house; but my parents still help me out a lot because they babysit for me. There are programs that will pay for your sister to have a babysiter while she works or goes to school. ALso, the WIC program, will provide formula for the baby, since she does not have a job, she will mostly likely qualify for these programs.

Answer 8

I know several success and failure stories. The difference? Success--Parent took full responsibility for the support and care of their baby. They had caring and supportive , helpful even, family. Failure--Parent wants to remain a child themself, refusing to take on the full responsibility of the baby, relying on someone else to do it for them because it is hard. They have family that disowns them or offers no support or encouragement or guidance. It is imperitive that your sister be told by your parents that they will help her as much as possible, but that this little life is going to be her full responsibility. She needs to make the father pay child support and she needs to think about a solid career to support herself and her child.

Answer 9

Babies change things about women no matter what the age. Of course there are the few that never adapt to motherhood and all that comes with it but with enough emotional support and guidance your sister should be alright. I have 3 children that I have pretty much raised by myself with some support in the beginning with my mother who also had health issues. I had my first at 15 and my last at 24. Its possbile to do things even if she has sorta been pampered its just a matter of guiding her and letting her know when she is doing things right. I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 10

I was basically just going to echo Erika.

Other than that, my cousin was in basically the same situation and came out just fine. Her parents probably had a little more financial security, but it's not like it was an ideal situation. But she needs to get a job NOW, FT and start saving that money.

And don't let that baby's father skip out on child support. Have her make sure to get custody settled legally RIGHT NOW.